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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to date someone who texts at 6:30 am waking me up

162 replies

justtoofussy · 27/08/2013 08:50

I've recently been in text conversations with a guy who seems nice, but possibly a little lacking in phone etiquette.

I would never text someone I didn't know well (except in an emergency) between the hours of 10 pm and 9 am. I have no idea what their sleeping preferences are and I would not want to wake them.

Today this guy decided to text me at 6:30 am, to say nothing very important. I think this was rude, seeing as he does not know me. I could not get back to sleep afterwards so I am now awake, tired (but unable to sleep) and grumpy. My phone needed to be on because it has my alarm clock.

I am now really put off the guy. AIBU to be so fussy I won't date a guy just because he does not follow what I consider to be phone etiquette norms, and woke me up and made me grumpy?

OP posts:
livinginwonderland · 27/08/2013 15:10

What's wrong with texting at 6am if that's when you're awake? I get up at 6am and if I have texts to reply to then I'll do so before I go to work and don't have my phone on me for 8/10 hours and forget.

Before we moved in together, DP used to text me at 6am because that was the only chance he had before he finishes work at 4pm.

chrome100 · 27/08/2013 15:10

I think most people are up by 630am in the week and after 10pm. I would not think it a problem to text at those times and regularly receive texts from others at those times too. When I go to sleep I put my phone on silent. I think you are over thinking it all and are probably not that into him.

FreudiansSlipper · 27/08/2013 15:19

yes when you are in a relationship it is nice

but when you are not it is just needy and a tad obsessive

would you ring someone that early to share some random thought it is because you want some sort of response

LessMissAbs · 27/08/2013 17:16

Exactly Freudian. I always wondered why all those wierdo men would do stupid stuff like texting you when you might be asleep or stupid shit, but presumably there must be some women out there who dont tell them to get lost!

None of my friends would find someone you barely know texting you at 6.30 am acceptable, this place really doesooen your eyes at times!

TroublesomeEx · 27/08/2013 17:25

I suppose it depends on the time your day starts.

I had a text from someone I didn't know very well during a thunderstorm at around 6am because he knew I like them and he just wanted me to know he was thinking of me.

I thought it was quite sweet!

But then I usually get up around 5.30. Not because I have do, just because I do.

Sallystyle · 27/08/2013 17:25

My husband text me after our second date at 6.30am to tell me he was thinking of me.

Because I was mad about him I thought it was lovely and getting that text that early put a huge smile on my face. I was keen so loved that he was too.

Now if I attempted to communicate with him at 6.30 am he would grunt at me and go back to sleep Grin

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/08/2013 17:26

Put your phone on silent. This being 2013 not 1993 it's really quite simple to do on all phones.

Sallystyle · 27/08/2013 17:27

He wasn't desperate or lacking in social skills.

He just liked me a lot Hmm

LessMissAbs · 27/08/2013 17:32

So do we all have to put our phones on silent, in case some random man decides to text us at 6am? Because its happened to me with some random idiot off Facebook.

Because personally, I work standard office hours and start at 9 and get up just before 8. I dont want my sleep cut short by an hour and a half.

Just remind me what else we should be doing just so men aren't led I to doing things that might not be welcomed?

FreudiansSlipper · 27/08/2013 17:37

but you had been out on two dates

the op has not

personally for me that would be a little too full on

my guess the op's text friend

a/ waited for partner/wife to go to the bathroom before checking up on potential mistress and to show he is free at all times Hmm

b/ checking up on op that she can answer as wants to know if she is with someone

or likely in this case

c/ just needy and needs attention at 630am and wants a reply

mathanxiety · 27/08/2013 17:43

You're not too fussy. If you don't like it you don't like it and no further questions are necessary. It's always a good thing to go with your gut.

I agree with FreudianSlipper's musings here.

Get rid. No matter what the reason, this is not a good thing and you have recognised that - pat yourself on the back and move on.

TheQueenIsInBed · 27/08/2013 17:52

Jesus, if an early text bothers you this much, text him between the hours of 9am and 10pm and tell him it won't work out or go on the date and you'll probably find you hate each other anyway Grin

I can't quite believe that I just wasted five minutes of my life reading this thread, more fool me.

AintNobodyGotTimeFerThat · 27/08/2013 18:52

I have a few friends who like to text at 2am.
Now that really gets on my wick.
My Mum will phone me during the day and I wont answer it as it's still on silent because I was trying to ignore all the messages said friends send.
I'm too polite to tell them to please wait until a better time fuck off though.

EBearhug · 27/08/2013 20:15

I've texted people at mad times of night. Not often, but last time was about 02:30am, and it was, "Forgot to tell you earlier..." (Can't actually remember what I forgot.

I don't always sleep well, and if I really need to be sure I'll be uninterrupted, I put my phone on silent. The notification sound I have for texts isn't that loud anyway, so it would only wake me if I were starting to wake anyway. Ring tone is louder, but then every few weeks, I have to be on-call for work.

Even if I didn't particularly like someone, I don't think a text at an obscure time of day or night would bother me. I'd just reply to them, and say, "BTW, please can you avoid texting until at least 9am?" It'd only be a big deal if someone was a repeat offender, particularly after mentioning it (and if you don't mention it, why would they have any reason to think it's a problem for you?) And if they did turn out to be a repeat offender, you could just block their number.

But there are far more important things to get worried about in life.

Beaverfeaver · 27/08/2013 20:23

My phone is on silent at night but the alarm on it still works in the morning.

EBearhug · 27/08/2013 20:24

I was pretty grumpy with my phone when its alarm went off this morning. But I suppose it did mean I was in work on time.

LessMissAbs · 27/08/2013 20:26

FreudianSlipper my guess the op's text friend a/ waited for partner/wife to go to the bathroom before checking up on potential mistress and to show he is free at all times hmm b/ checking up on op that she can answer as wants to know if she is with someone
or likely in this case c/ just needy and needs attention at 630am and wants a reply

You really are thinking the same things about me. Dodgy men are generally text-obsessed. Certainly that creep that texted and phoned me (with no encouragement from me whatsoever) had a girlfriend - photos and everything all over FB. It really is a whole different world...

Its a red flag.

I kind of loved the reply though which encouraged the OP not to voice her concerns to the texter, lest she should put him off her.

Lweji · 27/08/2013 20:30

I don't mind messages during the night, because I can't hear them. I just get a bip, and that's not enough to wake me up, even if the phone is by the bed.

In fact, the most recent ex used to text me every day when he left home at the very early hours and I never woke up.

If it bothers you, tell the people texting you not to.

I'd text people during the night because it would never occur to me that it might wake them up, but would apologise if anyone complained.

Yamyoid · 27/08/2013 20:59

6.30am is not early to receive a text. It's just a text.

capitalcapitalcapital · 27/08/2013 21:16

De-lurked to express my amazement at all these responses to put your phone on silent or use DND!

I have my phone on all the time in case there is an emergency - which by it's very nature might mean someone not in your favourites might call / text.

6.30 is too early to text! Seems hugely selfish to me to think that other people should change their behaviour predicated on what time suits the person sending the text.

Bunbaker · 27/08/2013 22:21

"I have my phone on all the time in case there is an emergency - which by it's very nature might mean someone not in your favourites might call / text."

Don't you have a landline? If it was an emergency a text message wouldn't wake me.

Littleen · 27/08/2013 22:30

I wouldn't normally mind if texted in the night, if you wake up and can't get to sleep again you should probably put it on silent. yabu.

BlehPukeVomit · 28/08/2013 09:31

If you are worried about missing emergency it is easy to allow calls but silence everything else with the Do Not Disturb feature on IPhones.

You then also don't get woken by spammy PPI texts. I only get one or two spammy texts a month but they often come at strange times.

BlehPukeVomit · 28/08/2013 09:33

Sorry I meant emergency calls

OhDearNigel · 28/08/2013 09:49

As you sound like a right mardy so and so I would dump him so he can date someone who doesn't have a fit of the histrionics when they get a text early in the morning.

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