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AIBU?

To not want to date someone who texts at 6:30 am waking me up

162 replies

justtoofussy · 27/08/2013 08:50

I've recently been in text conversations with a guy who seems nice, but possibly a little lacking in phone etiquette.

I would never text someone I didn't know well (except in an emergency) between the hours of 10 pm and 9 am. I have no idea what their sleeping preferences are and I would not want to wake them.

Today this guy decided to text me at 6:30 am, to say nothing very important. I think this was rude, seeing as he does not know me. I could not get back to sleep afterwards so I am now awake, tired (but unable to sleep) and grumpy. My phone needed to be on because it has my alarm clock.

I am now really put off the guy. AIBU to be so fussy I won't date a guy just because he does not follow what I consider to be phone etiquette norms, and woke me up and made me grumpy?

OP posts:

Report

justtoofussy · 27/08/2013 09:53

living, in addition to the alarm, I like to be available in emergencies. I would hate to turn the phone on in the morning to find 10 missed calls and that something terrible had happened to someone close to me.

OP posts:

BlehPukeVomit · 27/08/2013 09:55

I hope you are not an IT teacher

It is very easy!

RSVP · 27/08/2013 09:55

Dump the guy, just not use the got-a-text-too-early excuse because it sounds very lame.

blueshoes · 27/08/2013 09:56

OP, don't you have a landline?

BlehPukeVomit · 27/08/2013 09:57

With DND you can personalise the settings. You can allow calls from selected numbers or ANY repeated calls.

Watch the video.

Hassled · 27/08/2013 09:59

Settings - then under Do Not Disturb is Notifications. Go in there and you see Do Not Disturb again. Go there and there's a timing option.

Mine's an iPhone 5 though - may be different.

livinginwonderland · 27/08/2013 10:01

I just think if your phone is on loud, you can't bitch about being woken by text messages or calls. I assume that if people are busy/asleep/don't want to be disturbed, they turn their phone off/put it on silent. If I text you and you get woken up because your phone is on loud, that's your fault, not mine.

Gruffalump · 27/08/2013 10:01

Can't believe the drivel I have just read.

Just ditch him if you are not interested. Why waste time looking for excuses?

ArtexMonkey · 27/08/2013 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LokiTheCynicalCat · 27/08/2013 10:02

Sorry OP, was working. Mine is an iPhone 4S but it works as Hassled has described it.

HellonHeels · 27/08/2013 10:09

YANBU to just dump him if you're not into him.

YABabitU to get pouty over a "spoiled lie in"

justtoofussy · 27/08/2013 10:12

Artex:

I wish I had posted this as a reverse AIBU.

I have recently been texting a guy who I am really interested in and would like to take the relationship further. I texted him this morning at 6:30 (just to ask how he was) and I got a text back a few hours later saying "I'm fine, how are you? Please can you not call me before 9am as I was sleeping and you woke me up!"

AIBU to text him this early? If he was sleeping, shouldn't he just have turned his phone off, or put it on silent?

It would have been interesting to see the response of mumsnetters

(P.S. I haven't sent him a text asking him not to text so early, but I am thinking about it)

OP posts:

LessMissAbs · 27/08/2013 10:14

Can't believe people think you should do all this phone stuff (or bizarrely, buy an alarm clock!) because someone doesn't have the wherewithal to work out that another person might not want texts while they are likely to be sleeping!

How otherwise would you realise the guy is potentially a controlling freak with boundary issues and monitor him?!

Agreed that if you had said it was you who was texting a guy at this time in the morning, the same posters would most likely have labelled you a bunny boiler. Double standards.

justtoofussy · 27/08/2013 10:17

less: I had never heard of the term "bunny boiler" before now, so just googled it now. Really wish I hadn't!...

OP posts:

whois · 27/08/2013 10:18

You are being U.

Texts are unobtrusive and are there for you to look at at your leisure.

Turn your phone onto silent at night, that's what it's there for. I would be very surprised if your alarm doesn't work while the phone is on silent.

livinginwonderland · 27/08/2013 10:23

Actually, if you'd posted this as a reverse I'd have said the same thing. If you don't want to be disturbed by a text or call, then put your phone on silent. It's not up to other people to guess whether you'll be disturbed by their messages or not. It takes 30 seconds before you go to sleep and would have avoided all of this.

valiumredhead · 27/08/2013 10:28

You sys being odd, its not like he's ringing your land line. Turn your phone off at night.

blueshoes · 27/08/2013 10:28

My response to the reverse AIBU would have been follow the Rules, don't text him. Not don't text him at 6.30am.

It is not a crime to text at 6.30am if he thought (erroneously in your case) that you do not switch your phone on until you are awake.

One text at 6.30am does not a bunny boiler make.

LookingForwardToVino · 27/08/2013 10:31

I would just think he liked me?

Dp and I used to message each other at all sorts of times!

If you are more bothered by phone 'etiquette' then in what he has to say then just end it. I'm sure he can find someone else that would be more interested

justtoofussy · 27/08/2013 10:31

sorry blue, but what are "the Rules"?

Am I missing some major aspect of phone etiquette here?

OP posts:

justtoofussy · 27/08/2013 10:32

lookingforward, even before you had gone out on any dates?

OP posts:

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 27/08/2013 10:34

I can't believe anyone would post that reverse. Simply because the response to the text would be oh, okay...I won't text you this early again.

But since you haven't actually asked him politely not to do that, then it's not the same.

And anyway, the actual reverse would be 'my DP has just dumped me cos he says I texted too early!'

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LessMissAbs · 27/08/2013 10:34

blueshoes One text at 6.30am does not a bunny boiler make

No, but it doesn't create a very good impression, particularly in the first stages of a relationship.

I guess some people need to be in constant touch by text, IMHO I would find that incredibly clingy.

Why should the OP switch off her phone and adjust her behaviour because of a new man on the scene? What if her family needed to contact her in an emergency? Most people do have some awareness that texting before roughly 9am is likely to be a bit overly familiar, rude, or annoying. Its those subtle social cues really. You can't assume that the whole world gets up at 6.30am.

Actually, from reading your OP, it seems likely that you have not even met him yet? In which case, yes, he is overly familiar and this is a red flag.

justtoofussy · 27/08/2013 10:34

I'm not a DP!

We haven't even been out on a date yet!

OP posts:

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 27/08/2013 10:35

Yeah...okay but you get my point!

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