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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to date someone who texts at 6:30 am waking me up

162 replies

justtoofussy · 27/08/2013 08:50

I've recently been in text conversations with a guy who seems nice, but possibly a little lacking in phone etiquette.

I would never text someone I didn't know well (except in an emergency) between the hours of 10 pm and 9 am. I have no idea what their sleeping preferences are and I would not want to wake them.

Today this guy decided to text me at 6:30 am, to say nothing very important. I think this was rude, seeing as he does not know me. I could not get back to sleep afterwards so I am now awake, tired (but unable to sleep) and grumpy. My phone needed to be on because it has my alarm clock.

I am now really put off the guy. AIBU to be so fussy I won't date a guy just because he does not follow what I consider to be phone etiquette norms, and woke me up and made me grumpy?

OP posts:
LookingForwardToVino · 27/08/2013 10:37

Well Just we knew each other already from work.

Maybe your right. If I hadn't even met someone and they were continuously messaging me at all times I would think they were weird!

But I think I'd forgive one early text. Had you previously told him your acceptable hours of communication?

Original poster
justtoofussy · 27/08/2013 10:40

looking: no, but to be fair its not like we've had a proper discussion, just a series of texts where we have both hinted at meeting up but nothing has been arranged.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 27/08/2013 10:41

buying an alarm clock is bizarre?
turning mobiles off at night is bizarre?

well I never.

livinginwonderland · 27/08/2013 10:42

Family can ring the landline in an emergency. If you don't want to be woken up, put your phone on silent/on flight-mode/switch it off. It isn't hard and would solve a lot of problems.

If anyone bitched at me that my text had woken them up at 6.30am (I get up at 6 or 5 for work) I'd just say "well, you should have had your phone on silent then!"

blueshoes · 27/08/2013 10:42

I switch off my phone when I am asleep so it makes no difference to me what time someone sends me a text. Not that I check the time anyway.

I email at all times and see text as the same in that it is for the recipient to receive it at their leisure without being woken up. In the reverse AIBU situation and OP asked me to stop it, I would because now that I know, I don't want to wake her up. If it happens again, that is more indicative of bunny boiling than the first time.

In a dating context, receiving a text at 6.30am is no great shakes.

ouryve · 27/08/2013 10:44

If you don't like being woken up at the not terribly early time of 6:30, don't have children.

claudedebussy · 27/08/2013 10:45

i would ditch him. he sounds irritating.

LessMissAbs · 27/08/2013 10:48

specialsubject buying an alarm clock is bizarre? turning mobiles off at night is bizarre? well I never

Running around appeasing men to me is more bizarre than complaining about someone's basic lack of manners.

I'm not really comfortable with the notion that women should be so grateful to receive a text from a man that they overlook the fact that its sent rudely early.

And don't kid yourself he is quite possibly pushing the boundaries, as he will know most people will still be in bed at that time.

But then I'm some kind of magnet for sleazy creepy men and I can spot the signs a mile off.

Original poster
justtoofussy · 27/08/2013 10:48

ourvye, that's completely different, a young child isn't old enough to understand what is socially acceptable.

A grown man is.

OP posts:
Leverette · 27/08/2013 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

justtoopicky · 27/08/2013 11:02

I always saw texts as higher priority (need a faster) response than an email, mainly because everyone seems to be on their phones constantly.

Whereas emails (at least used to be) something you could sit on for a day or two if not urgent work business.

I suppose it also depends how you feel about someone you don't really know well at all (never really met) texting you the first thing they wake up in the morning.

Do you think "Oh how lovely, I am the first thing he thought of."

Or do you think "Oh that's a bit odd, slightly stalkerish."

Fuzzysnout · 27/08/2013 11:07

I'm going against the grain a bit here. I think 6.30am is a bizarre time to text someone you don't really know & it would make me think that the texter was either sad & desperate or had no social boundaries.

Fair enough it would be nice if you were having a thing & were really into each other but OP is not at this stage. Personally I would bin him off before he gets to the stage of finding out where you live otherwise next thing he'll be peering through your window to watch you sleeping calling round in the early hours.

livinginwonderland · 27/08/2013 11:08

I don't see putting your phone on silent as pandering to anyone. If YOU don't want to be woken up early or by people texting in the middle of the night, it's YOUR responsibility to make sure it doesn't happen. You have a means of stopping it (phone off/on silent/on flight mode) so do so. Don't bitch about something you have every control over. I would say the same if it was a reverse AIBU or if the genders were switched.

Groovee · 27/08/2013 11:11

who I am not that interested in? Stop using the text as an excuse and do the decent thing and end it all now. Poor guy deserves better than a moaning minnie that he can do no right by.

TylerHopkins · 27/08/2013 11:14

Bless, you must have been the first thing on his mind when he woke up in the morning. Either that or he woke with a stiffy and wanted a bit of text sex to sort himself out Grin

CleverWittyUsername · 27/08/2013 11:25

If you want to keep seeing him I wouldn't start whinging about him texting too early. You might seem really high maintenance. If you don't like him then just tell him honestly. And just change your settings as suggested so you don't have these issues in future. I wouldn't assume he was being clingy, just that he woke up early, going about his day, and thought he would text you before getting on with his stuff. Does your entire friend and family network know your rules about early texts?

LessMissAbs · 27/08/2013 11:27

Normal manners would mean you wouldn't text someone that early unless you knew them very well and knew it was ok. I wouldn't even do it with my best friends, because I know it would most likely to disturb them. I certainly wouldn't then tell them it was their own fault if they got annoyed because they didn't have their phone switched to silent mode!

TylerHopkins Either that or he woke with a stiffy and wanted a bit of text sex to sort himself out

This. That's what I mean about him pushing boundaries. Alternatively he could just lack basic social skills.

I sympathise with you OP because I've had it done to me and there is a certain breed of man out there now who counts on a certain breed of women being so flattered by their attention that they will overlook basic rudeness. And I just cannot be arsed with all that carry on.

BlehPukeVomit · 27/08/2013 11:55

This thread is really, really bonkers. If the OP doesn't want to or finds it too complicated Confused to set up the Do Not Disturb function then any normal person would just text back and ask them not to text so early! Shock why the need to over analyse the poor guys intentions.

If the OP doesn't want to have a relationship withthe guy then fair enough but to use an excuse of a 6:30 text as a reason is very weird.

I think the guy has had a lucky escape.. And YES I would say that if the sexes were reversed and the OP was a man.

It wouldn't have crossed my mind that someone with an IPhone wouldn't know how to stop texts from making noises.

justtoopicky · 27/08/2013 12:05

bleh, why should someone have to change what they currently do to compensate for someone else's lack of manners.

I've managed for many years with my phone on at night, up until now I've never had problems.

I've never had to ask a family member, friend or boyfriend not to text in the night before. They have enough manners to know it is rude.

I shouldn't have to change what I do for someone else, especially someone I am not that interested in.

ConflictDodger · 27/08/2013 12:07

Is this a joke? The whole thing? Because if it's not you really don't like this guy and it would be kinder to make it clear to him. Somewhere out there is a woman who will be thrilled to get his text at 6am - or who will have the smarts to a) set phone to silent or b) tell him not to text before 9!

BlehPukeVomit · 27/08/2013 12:35

JusttooPicky. 6:30 is NOT the middle of the night though is it? Plenty of people are up then. Getting huffy about a text at that time seems very precious to me. I would just ask them not to do it again and wouldn't give it a moments more thought.

It is such a minor matter.
If the OP doesn't like the guy it's fine but to be angry about a 6:30 text is a WEIRD over reaction.

verytellytubby · 27/08/2013 12:55

Phone on silent! Your reaction seems very OTT for an early morning text.

CruCru · 27/08/2013 14:49

I think the OP is getting a hard time. 6:30 is super early to get a text. Even if it hasn't woken me, I would still think it weird that they sent me a text so bloody early.

I once got a work email from someone at 4am (we are both in the UK). I asked him whether his email had gone down (meaning that he had sent it in the evening but it didn't leave the outbox until 4) but no. He hadn't been able to sleep so reviewed some things instead. I thought that was a bit weird, mainly because it creates a supposition that I would be able to look at his email first thing or else it gets left with me for a really long time.

If he sends a text, how long can you leave it before responding? 2 hours? 8:30 is still early to text and that would make me uncomfortable.

Groovee · 27/08/2013 14:57

Even if it hasn't woken me, I would still think it weird that they sent me a text so bloody early.

I get up at 6am... so if texts have come in overnight to me, I reply to them then. If not then I forget.

FreudiansSlipper · 27/08/2013 15:01

so some women would be thrilled to receive a text from a man they are just texting not in a relationship with at 630am

are all single women that desperate Hmm

i wouldn't be even if it had not woken me up