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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
Shlurpbop · 24/08/2013 16:36

I hope Annies is on here and reads this Thread! Stupid woman. Your poor daughter.
At least you can invite her to the next party and in front of everyone point out that she needs to pay. And only her.

diddl · 24/08/2013 16:36

I'm afraid I got as far as the first 10 getting in free, you being asked to pay, & wondering why you didn't go home tbh.

Sounds dreadful.

LookingThroughTheFog · 24/08/2013 16:36

That was astonishingly cruel of her!

lottieandmia · 24/08/2013 16:36

Something slightly similar happened to my dd who was recently invited to a party and at the end there was a party bag with name on for every child except her. I was annoyed about it. How can a 4 year old be expected to make sense of that? However, your fiasco is the most awful outrageous thing I have ever heard.

nickelbabe · 24/08/2013 16:36

poor Annie.
she'll have no friends after this, and it's not even her fault.

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:37

Thanks for the replies. Sorry if i cross post.

No i didn't say a thing. I get really nervous/shy, and just convinced myself that this was 'normal' having to pay in.

But by the end, seeing how differently dd was being treated, i was really pretty angry.

I couldn't really leave dd and go and chat to the other mums (she has HFA and was feeling a bit anxious/didn't want me to leave her side), but the other yellow band mums (i could only see around 4 of them, i guessed the other 5 refused to pay in and left) were sat at a table murmuring to each other the whole time. I don't really know any of them, only vaguely recognised some faces.

Dd is still going on about the cake. "Why did Annie's mum lie?" etc etc.

And I just know dd will expect some on Monday morning at school. So I'm trying to prepare her for the fact she might not get a piece. I've not been to many parties, but I'm glad to hear this isn't the norm.

I may just cut up my own piece of cake, give it to dd tomorrow and tell her that Annie's mum just dropped some in last night. Confused

OP posts:
BringOn2014 · 24/08/2013 16:37

That really sounds awful, What a rude mum.
My DD is really upset about a party at the moment - 'Jane' handed out invites to the whole class this week but not my DD because 'my mum doesnt know your mum' Hmm I am quite a shy person and keep myself to myself but we've been here a year now and last year we invited the whole of DDs class to her birthday a day after we moved into our house in an effort to get to know people. Sad

greenolive · 24/08/2013 16:37

I really feel for you and your DD. Absolutely terrible way to treat children. Annie's Mum is a total CHEAPSKATE!

IslaValargeone · 24/08/2013 16:37

Limited, the op's dd spent the morning wrapping the gift, making a card and drawing Annie a picture. Sad

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 24/08/2013 16:37

If she was strapped for cash why didnt she just be honest and ask everyone to bring a little something. I wouldn't have minded bringing some cakes or cooking some sausage rolls. Much better option than letting poor Annie be known as the kid who's friends had to pay for her party.

Dackyduddles · 24/08/2013 16:37

No words. No words at all.

knickernicker · 24/08/2013 16:37

Please give the woman a piece of your mind. She was beyond outrageous. I've never heard of a 2 tiered birthday party before.
What did the other yellow band mums say?

saintlyjimjams · 24/08/2013 16:38

Oh I wish you could have knelt down next to Annie and said 'see that lovely present, only children with red bracelets are allowed to give presents so we'll have it back'

But of course that wouldn't have been fair on Annie who can't help having a dreadful mother. Yep gobsmacked. Completely gobsmacked.

LookingForwardToVino · 24/08/2013 16:38

I realise that this has already been done but... Shock

ginmakesitallok · 24/08/2013 16:38

Shock. I would have to say something to the mum!!! Unbelievable!

EeTraceyluv · 24/08/2013 16:38

Bloody appalling behaviour.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 24/08/2013 16:38

Wow, just when you think people can't get any more weird or rude, someone proves you wrong!

Floggingmolly · 24/08/2013 16:38

Would you go along with that suggestion having misunderstood it, though, CurlyHair? Or would you think God, no! Shock. Of course I can't expect people to pay an entry fee into my child's party.
Most normal people wouldn't have given that idea house room.

Tee2072 · 24/08/2013 16:38

Tell your daughter to ask Annie on Monday why her mum lied.

And ask Annie's mum at the school gate. Seriously. Shame the hell out of her.

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp · 24/08/2013 16:38

What a horrible, grabby, ill-mannered woman!!

Would love it if you sent that text, OP!! (Or linked to this thread)

What a mare!

madmomma · 24/08/2013 16:39

Awful, awful, awful. Annie's Mum is a freaking weirdo.

Mintyy · 24/08/2013 16:39

It must be so difficult to explain to your dd!

Lweji · 24/08/2013 16:39

WTF!?

You should have asked for the present back and tell the mum that's what yellow band girls get.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 24/08/2013 16:40

Saintly Genius!! The OP could have done that with her DD and Annie's Mum, Annie didn't need to know!

Fillyjonk75 · 24/08/2013 16:40

Please give us an update after you speak to her at school, OP.