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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
sweetestcup · 24/08/2013 16:46

There really are no words for this, what planet is this woman on!

saintlyjimjams · 24/08/2013 16:46

Oh yes I LOVE Bea's text about 'I hope I didn't make you feel uncomfortable giving Annie a present when we weren't actually invited'. This is exactly the sort of situation that needs a passive aggressive response. Grin

You could also say, 'please don't bother bringing my dd a piece of cake. She has autism and gets very anxious when people don't do what they say they will so to make life easier for her I will also provide my own cake and pretend it is from you. See ya wouldn't want to be ya. mwah ha ha ha haaaah'

Notafoodbabyanymore · 24/08/2013 16:49

I'm just feeling SO angry for you. I'd like to give this woman a piece of my mind. What an absolute bitch wizard!

Angry
MalcolmTuckersMistress · 24/08/2013 16:49

Good fucking lord! What a ridiculous woman.

I think you should download some kind of expenses form and send it to the stupid cow...oh yeah and photocopy it and plaster it all round the school gates.

Your poor girl! It's a shame you weren't able to just grab your present and leave, giving it to your DD!

BadPoet · 24/08/2013 16:49

Good grief! I was about to say it can't be worse than the party (also soft play) when the host parents left and asked me to be in charge...but it is, SO MUCH worse! I hope you have to courage to text one of the responses here, not sure I would but it needs said. Poor you and poor dd. Wow.

monkeyfacegrace · 24/08/2013 16:49

Oh god no Im not involved!!

Just wanted to paypal over a few quid so OP could buy her dd a whole birthday cake Blush

Im not the bloody mother!

CocacolaMum · 24/08/2013 16:50

I am shocked, what an awful experience for you and your DD

thecatfromjapan · 24/08/2013 16:50

Just saw your last post OP.

Am cross for you. This is not normal. Annie's mum is ...

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 24/08/2013 16:50

Aw monkey that's such a kind thing to offer.

IslaValargeone · 24/08/2013 16:51

Aw, aren't you lovely.

We were desperately hoping you might have been the mother or another yellow bander :o

FamiliesShareGerms · 24/08/2013 16:51

Iwearblack,I was wondering about the randomness of being one of the chosen few too. Even more weird the more I think about it!

lottieandmia · 24/08/2013 16:52

This thread needs tweeting Wink

oh and I totally agree that the suggested passive aggressive text would be appropriate at this point.

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/08/2013 16:52

omfg - i have gone to and organised 100's of birthday parties over 22 years as a nanny and this is def the worst party ive heard of

annies mum was sooooooooooooo out of order Shock and needs to be told by you and the other yellow band children that you invite as many guests as you like but you pay for them all

personally i would have said something if one of my charges had gone to a party like that but thats me, a mouthy blond Wink

hermioneweasley · 24/08/2013 16:52

WTAF?

She cannot be allowed to get away with this. You must track down other yellow band parents and all ask for gifts back.

cushtie335 · 24/08/2013 16:52

OP try and turn this horrible negative into a positive where you can "bond" with the yellow banders. I can picture you years down the line sobbing with laughter over several bottles of wine at this debacle.

diddl · 24/08/2013 16:53

If she has the front to do this though, will she care what anyone says to her?

monkeyfacegrace · 24/08/2013 16:53

I can pretend if you like Grin

LindyHemming · 24/08/2013 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cushtie335 · 24/08/2013 16:54

I think you're right diddl. Anyone with as much neck as this isn't going to be too fazed by a passive aggressive text.

Groovee · 24/08/2013 16:55

Awww Monkey Cake

hereshecomesnowsayingyoniyoni · 24/08/2013 16:55

So you had to pay to enter a party your dd had been invited too
Pay for food for your dd
She was made to feel like she was an outsider because she had a different colour band
She didn't get a party bag that was probably full of tat anyway
And never got the cake she was promised
Disgraceful
I would have been very tempted to snatch the present back that you gave the birthday girl and given it to your dd to make up for it.

IslaValargeone · 24/08/2013 16:55

I feel a new clique emerging.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 24/08/2013 16:55

I told dh about this thread. For the first time ever when I tried to talk to him about something on mumsnet he listened. He went Shock then said "she should have given the party mum the present then said "I only pay for the first 10 presents in a year and then for any more after that the party mum has to give me the money for it."

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 24/08/2013 16:56

Whoever said 'is it really school tomorrow' .schools are back in lots of places outside England

Re OP that sounds awful, hope your DD enjoyed some of it in the happy go lucky way kids do

Lweji · 24/08/2013 16:56

Ideally it would make it to the Daily Mail are you reading this?

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