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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 24/08/2013 16:27

Oh yes , sorry Euphemia, I have put my foot in it. Blush Sad I even know that Scotland schools are back.

Justforlaughs · 24/08/2013 16:27

Wow! Just Wow! Shock
Nothing else to say except that YANBU!

Sparklingbrook · 24/08/2013 16:28

Plus the OP even says DD came home with the invitation 'last week'. Blush

BeaWheesht · 24/08/2013 16:28

Actually I'd probably be so annoyed I'd be passive aggressive and text her saying 'I hope we didn't intrude on Annie's party today there's obviously been some kind of miscommunication as I thought dd was expected but clearly I'd misunderstood. I feel terrible because obviously dd was upset and may have appeared rude but she thought she was a party guest. Hope Annie enjoyed her party.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 24/08/2013 16:28

Appalling. APPALLING!

You are a saint.

clarinetV2 · 24/08/2013 16:28

Just ploughed my way through all that in horrified fascination. I've been to some rotten children's parties in my time, but nothing approaching what you and your dd experienced. Beyond belief. Hope your dd isn't too upset about it.

SauvignonBlanche · 24/08/2013 16:29

How bizarre! Shock

jumpingpillows · 24/08/2013 16:30

bloody hell

ThePost · 24/08/2013 16:30

That's crappy behaviour from Annie's mum. I really would say something to her about how appallingly rude this was. I'm sure the collected MN wisdom could come up with something to the point for you.

IsThatTrue · 24/08/2013 16:30

Shock Shock Shock

I may think of some words in a min

nickelbabe · 24/08/2013 16:30

i'll join in with Shock too.

what a fucking bitch
what a cheek!
Shock

your poor DD.
and fancy the women at the desk not knowing there would be a difference.
:(

ChocHobNob · 24/08/2013 16:31

Poor little Annie wont be having as many people attend her birthday party next year, will she?

You poor thing and your poor daughter. She'll forget before you though at least. Did you get her a cake on the way home?

hettienne · 24/08/2013 16:31

I would be telling everyone in the school playground about this. Actually I would make a big deal of saying to Annie's mum "I'm so sorry about the confusion at the weekend - I thought DD had been invited to Annie's party due to getting an invitation, but it seems like you weren't expecting her?".

Blueandwhitelover · 24/08/2013 16:31

Yes, send Beawhatsit's text-that's brilliantly passive aggressive. I'm still dumbfounded.

LimitedEditionLady · 24/08/2013 16:32

Fancy missing that info off the invite!annies mum shouldve been embarassed.

Runningchick123 · 24/08/2013 16:32

Annie's mum was obviously just after getting as many presents as possible.
I would be tempted to text her and say : sorry there seemed to have been a terrible mix up today as I thought that my dd was invited to the party, but seeing as she wasn't I would like the present back so we can use it for a gift when she does get invited to a party. If I have for it wrong and my dd was invited then you need to rethink your social skills because inviting children to a party and then not giving them a meal, letting them join the party games and not even payng for their place is totally unacceptable.

lottieandmia · 24/08/2013 16:32

ShockShock

On what planet do you invite people to a party when you weren't prepared to pay for it? That is the point of a party. If she was too mean to only pay for 10 or couldn't afford to pay for 20 then she should have invited 10, end of. What disgusting behaviour on the part of the mum.

I think I would have gone home at the point where I was told we would have to pay. Your dd wasn't even part of the party by the sounds of things.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 24/08/2013 16:33

Not sure I would have actually joined the party actually after hearing what the girl on the desk said. Might have just gone home (certainly not given a bloody present!). But then it's difficult when your dd was standing there all excited I suppose.

Did the host mum misunderstand something? Maybe the soft play people told her that if she wasn't sure of final numbers then she could pay for 10 and "the rest can be paid for on the day". Maybe she took it totally wrong and thought the staff meant that they can pay for THEMSELVES?

nickelbabe · 24/08/2013 16:33

Sparkling - don't feel bad- i know schools in scotland are back, but i didn't know there was no bank holiday on monday.

mumofweeboys · 24/08/2013 16:33

I wouldnhave verbally ripped annies mother limb from limb. That is unbelievable. I would have asked for annies mother to come to the desk as soon as I arrived and found that out.
Hopefully karma will kick in and it will become the gossip of the school

LimitedEditionLady · 24/08/2013 16:34

I hope you didnt give a gift tbh!

Tee2072 · 24/08/2013 16:34

What a cow.

Next time you see her? Tell her she's a cow. And the rudest person you've ever had the displeasure to know.

And don't invite Annie to your daughter's party.

Floggingmolly · 24/08/2013 16:35

She invited an extra 10 people who had to pay for themselves and didn't get a party bag???? Shock
If she let her daughter pick her "favourite 10" why the fuck invite 10 more?? I think I'd have fronted it out, and requested loudly that she explain (to me and dd) exactly how it worked, and why.

In fact I'd do it at the school gates on Monday; you can't be the only guest stunned at her ill manners.

IslaValargeone · 24/08/2013 16:35

I imagine this will be a hot topic in the playground on Monday.

PetiteRaleuse · 24/08/2013 16:36

I feel as sorry for Annie as for your DD.