to feel annoyed by what this doctor's receptionist said?

[DoctorRobert]

Phoned our surgery yesterday to make an appointment for DH. He thinks he may have an ear infection on both sides, but not sure. Could be something more serious given his history.

Made an appt, and she then asked for a brief overview of the problem. I replied "it's a problem with his ears" - was vague as obviously we don't know.

She then laughed and said "oh, selective hearing is it?!"

Now, DH has had a lot of problems and bad luck with his ears. He has permanent partial deafness on one side due to a brain injury last year; he has an unrelated cholesteatoma (growth) in the other ear which has also caused hearing loss and he has been undergoing surgery for. Will need another operation next year.

I know that the receptionist isn't party to his medical history, and she was just making a lighthearted joke. Men never listen do they, oh how funny. But AIBU to think that given a receptionist doesn't know a patient's history or what the outcome of their appt may be, that they shouldn't be making jokes at all?

Leaving aside whether it's appropriate for a receptionist to make a joke about a medical problem, I'm surprised so few posters have mentioned the casual sexism of the joke itself. Is sexism ok when it's aimed at men?

I think it was an entirely overfamiliar remark which could have offended someone without special circumstances.

And just as supermarket cashiers are instructed not to comment on customers' purchases, receptionists shouldn't be commenting on patients' real or potential health issues. Joke about the weather, or the football, or the cost of petrol or something generic, but leave the personal out of it.

YANBU.

I thought all receptionists asked why the problem was? The ones in my local surgery always have; I assumed it was a sort of triage system, where they keep a few emergency slots free and allocate them if someone really needs to be seen that day?

That's what it's supposed to be floggingmolly. It's the system we used and the same one that my own a doctor uses. It's fairly common I think. The only problem is that the staff don't always get the training needed to do it properly so they get flak off patients who don't understand. In all honesty, the woman asking the OP about the problem shouldn't be an issue, if that rule has been set down by senior staff then she was actually doing her job right.

Just because we don't agree with op doesn't mean we all have no sympathy. I do I feel bad for her husband but i dont agree the receptionist should be flamed. She didn't know about tour husband and was just making a joke.im always at the docS i would hate it if they were always solemn and serious i have enough of that in my life.
Aibu isnt for attacking each other however doesn't mean everyone will agree with op. by saying we all have no empathy for her doesn't make you any better.

While receptionists should always be kind, tactful , aware of confidentiality issues , have the patients best interests in their thoughts at all times and be efficient, they are not there to tell jokes at a sick persons expense.
Have thought about it and there is no easy response to a joke like that, it took away from what you were trying to convey and organise , put you on the spot , and she was the one in control.
For all she knew, you could have been very short of time and had to ring off within moments and she was wasting time with inane and possibly offensive jokes
YADNBU

No apologies, then? Not even when the OP said she was made to feel like shit? Incredible. Still, lack of remorse defines people.

Also if you are going to make a friendly joke with a patient, it should never be about their illness , but about general stuff.

Who are you expecting to apologise cestlesautres?

Anyone who doesn't agree with the OP?

I still don't. No one has an argument to convince me otherwise.

When I made a doctors appointment last week the receptionist asked what the problem was, and clearly had no intention of giving me an appointment if I didnt tell her. When I saw the doc I queried this and was told that its such a busy practice that they just dont have enough appointments for the demand, and the receptionists have been tasked with triaging appointment requests. I'm a bit about it, but see why they have to do it.

No, Bowlersarm, I think your post was polite. You disagreed without launching into personal attacks. And you can't be blamed for sheep-like behaviour behind you imvho.

OP here. thanks to those who have offered kind words and well wishes for my DH, I appreciate it.

FWIW I wasn't particularly upset by what she said, just more irritated really. It seemed such a flippant joke from somebody with no idea why that appt might be being made.

receptionists can be friendly whilst maintaining professionalism and tact.

It was a joke, she doesn't know your DH's medical history. I really think you should lighten up. In my opinion great swathes of Mumsnet are professionally offended, particularly when it comes to anyone they encounter who are 'medical'. Because obviously anyone even related to the medical profession aren't even remotely human and can't possibly behave in the same way the rest of us might.

But it is the receptionist's job to ask for info about your medical needs. They already have access to most of your records, I dunno why them trying to clarify if you are contacting the right professional in the right time scale is so outrageous. Receptionists are filters for the MedStaff & would get bollocked by their bosses if they didn't try to gently direct enquiries to the right person.

The

get a grip
get a life
chip on the shoulder

comments seem to be par for the course on AIBU. Thoughtless. A bit like the receptionist - although it's nice to hear of a receptionist trying to be human and friendly rather than rude and obstructive.

Oh in that case thank you cestlesautres (obviously I know you don't agree but I'm pleased you thought I hadn't been rude to the OP)

OP - glad you came back and weren't frightened off by the raging debate on here. Fwiw I actually can understand that somebody possibly might be irritated by such a personal comment.

But it's obviously been playing on your mind as it happened yesterday so it's not something you've been able to dismiss. You've taken to heart a throw away comment.

But I do think receptionists a) are only human and will say something inappropriate at times just like anyone else and b) that we all carry bad news and personal tragedies with us and sometimes a little bit of lightness truly helps, not only for us but for those around us as well. I can't bear the thought of living in a miserable world if all of that was firmly stopped.

Anyway I hope your DH's ear infection clears up quickly. I know they can be flipping painful.

I agree with Horry

YANBU. Your husband has been through a horrible ordeal, and clearly it's not something either of you can laugh off. People who work in a medical practice should be aware that jokes are not really appropriate given that anyone needing to see a doctor probably has a medical problem, and they don't know how serious it might be.

On the other hand , I don't think the receptionist said it to be malicious - I think she was probably just trying to be friendly , and I suspect that once she realised she probably felt mortified.

So I am a bit on the fence here - YANBU , but unless it happens again it might give you more peace to think that she was thoughtless and have a response ready if someone says something similar again.

"doctor /patient confidentiality does not extend to the receptionist."

It most certainly does!

But surely deafness is a disability and therefore not something to be laughed at ? To make a joke of hearing disability hilarious ?

YANBU, to get through to most practices takes a min of half hour on the phone, and the last thing you want to hear is a crass joke when you finally get to speak to a human! I think jokingwhen the person is standing in front of you can be ok as body language gives you an idea if you can get away with it, but on the phone it is a poor idea.

Also - this idea that medical notes are on the computer - do you really think a receptionist is going to go into your medical history? Of course not! It's not their business.

They only ask questions do that they can put you in touch with the right service - and sometimes (ie chest pain, serious breathing difficulties) will be a 999 ambulance. Asking what's wrong is a basic safety check.

If apology comment was directed at me i made no attack on the op at all i just didnt agree with her
Ubik the receptionist has access to test results as if ring up they give them over the phone.

OP I can see that the receptionist was being light-hearted and making a friendly joke but I do agree with you that as they don't know a patients history they should be more aware that some people won't appreciate a joke.

I have problems with my hearing. I was born without some of the bones in my left ear, the doctor refers to it as a dead ear because hearing aids won't help me to hear with it. I have had constant problems with the other ear for well over a year now and am very worried that I will eventually lose my hearing completely. I've already been warned that I might need an operation on it.

The joke the receptionist made to you probably wouldn't have bothered me, but I've had a lifetime of telling people I'm deaf in one ear and having them reply "what? hahahaha!" thinking it's funny. Or worse, shouting in it and then saying "well you heard that!" when I react. Because the vibrations still hurt even though I can't hear the noise. And I really don't find any of it funny anymore.

Obviously the doctor's receptionist has never done that to me but I did have one asking personal and quite rude questions about why I had missed an appointment with the midwife and I had to explain that I'd been in hospital because my baby had died and my midwife had been aware of that and said she would cancel the appointment for me. I felt that the receptionist was reasonable to point out the appointment had been missed but unreasonable to demand to know why.

So I do agree with you and YANBU. I think your DH's accident is still so recent that it's hard for you to laugh along with a joke about his hearing even though you know it was made without intended offence.

Sarah i cant hear properly out of one ear the amount of people who tell that joke!

The thing is though, the receptionist didn't know about his hearing loss when she made the joke. All I said was that "it's a problem with his ears". If a friend or family member knowing his history made a joke, it actually wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

This isn't a case of it being too recent. It's a case of the receptionist not knowing me or him or why the appointment was being made. As somebody gave the example of earlier, my very vague "it's a problem with his ears" could have been a brain tumour blocking his ear canal. Maybe that would be something we knew; maybe something we would go on to know. Either way surely they should have more tact not to make jokes.