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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel annoyed by what this doctor's receptionist said?

156 replies

DoctorRobert · 24/08/2013 12:09

Phoned our surgery yesterday to make an appointment for DH. He thinks he may have an ear infection on both sides, but not sure. Could be something more serious given his history.

Made an appt, and she then asked for a brief overview of the problem. I replied "it's a problem with his ears" - was vague as obviously we don't know.

She then laughed and said "oh, selective hearing is it?!"

Now, DH has had a lot of problems and bad luck with his ears. He has permanent partial deafness on one side due to a brain injury last year; he has an unrelated cholesteatoma (growth) in the other ear which has also caused hearing loss and he has been undergoing surgery for. Will need another operation next year.

I know that the receptionist isn't party to his medical history, and she was just making a lighthearted joke. Men never listen do they, oh how funny. But AIBU to think that given a receptionist doesn't know a patient's history or what the outcome of their appt may be, that they shouldn't be making jokes at all?

OP posts:
babyboomersrock · 24/08/2013 13:09

I laughed...even though it was a possibly stupid comment...I might have just had my eye out! But really...life is short...I think a silly joke makes it better

But Neo, you hadn't just had an eye out - that's why you could laugh it off. If you'd had an eye tumour removed and were feeling devastated, I doubt very much that a silly joke would have made the situation better.

My point is that people who work in medical settings do not always know what the patient's condition is, or whether it's appropriate to make jokes...therefore, they should choose the safe option. It's quite possible to be both friendly and diplomatic.

TallulahBetty · 24/08/2013 13:11

Blimey, it makes a change from the usual surly, jobsworthy doctors' receptionists.

livinginwonderland · 24/08/2013 13:17

People take life far too seriously sometimes.

MrsDeVere · 24/08/2013 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

digerd · 24/08/2013 13:27

When I phone for an appt. the receptionist has asked if the nurse can deal with it. The first time I was asked I thought to myself how should I knowConfused. Had seen the nurse previously only for blood tests and smear tests. So explained what the problem was and was told the nurse could deal with that.

I have phoned the reception to get the results of blood tests and have asked for the breakdown. This they have on their computer.

Sleepyhead33 · 24/08/2013 13:31

Was about to write in support but mrsdevere has summed it up.

Bowlersarm · 24/08/2013 13:43

MrsdeVere I am questioning which people have been 'fucking rude' to the OP. (I can only see one obvious one)

TallulahBetty · 24/08/2013 13:45

Same, bower. Who has been rude apart from the obvious?

TallulahBetty · 24/08/2013 13:46

bowler even.

Montybojangles · 24/08/2013 13:53

I think this is a little sad.

I'm sad that you are constantly anxious about your DH health op, all that worry in the world can't change it. It can't be helping your own health and well being.

I'm sad that GP receptionists are getting it in the neck for trying to make a lighthearted joke with a patient, when usually they are getting it in the neck on here for being rude, heartless bitches. She was in no way belittling or mocking people with hearing problems.

And to put a personal spin on this re the grip thing LEM my dearest has an eye condition that could well lead to him becoming blind sometime in the next 5-15 years, it may, it may not. Bugger all we can do about it, but it doesn't stop either of us making (or laughing about) jokes about him being blind when he can't find the car keys etc, that are sitting there right in front of him. I guess we all just deal with things differently.

MrsHelsBels74 · 24/08/2013 13:58

I think you are understandably hypersensitive OP but I don't think the receptionist's comment was particularly inappropriate.

How many of us have said something off the cuff & then thought about it afterwards & thought 'maybe I shouldn't have said that'? We're all human & inadvertently cause offence. She didn't mean to upset you, please try & remember this.

KurriKurri · 24/08/2013 14:00

I amazed at the number of people who are saying Op is over reacting (her reaction being to feel that this is an innappropriate comment), I guess it is just the usual poster jumping on the band wagon - first poster says 'get a grip' and everyone follows suit.

I expect courtesy and a professional manner from a Doctor's receptionist. I do not expect jokes or personal comments on my medical problem. A light hearted/friendly remark about something no medical is fine. But a receptionist has no idea what your medical problem is, whether it is serious, or not and it certainly isn't her place to make jokes about it.

What kind of light hearted medical banter when someone makes an appointment is acceptable as a matter of interest? If someone rings up with a lump in their breast does she find something hilarious to say about that? Or is hearing loss a special comedy case? - What about loss of sight is that funny too?

The opposite of 'inappropriate banter' is not surliness, - that is not the only other behaviour option here, polite professionalism is the option most sensible people would go for.

OP - I'm sorry you've had some rude answers on here, - I agree with you the remark was innappropriate. I'm sorry your DH has had such a worrying time with his health.

Bowlersarm · 24/08/2013 14:04

Um KurriKurri I was the first poster and I didn't say 'get a grip'

kali110 · 24/08/2013 14:05

Yabu. Receptionist doesnt know how ill hes been, just making a joke.not even a horrible one

kali110 · 24/08/2013 14:07

Im not following suit either if my friend had been the op i would have said the same. My docs surgery used to ask brief view of problem as they were always busy so she would see if see if its was something a nurse could help with

DoJo · 24/08/2013 14:07

I can see how it might have upset you, but I think it was a lighthearted comment which was just really unfortunately aimed at someone who is particularly sensitive about that particular subject. The receptionist wasn't to know and would probably be mortified to think that she had upset you, and you are perfectly entitled to be bothered that this quip hit a nerve with you and your husband's situation. However, I don't think there is necessarily any blame to be apportioned or any complaint worth making - 99% of the time a little human interaction makes most situations easier, particularly in a medical setting as it can often be scary and someone reaching out to you can make all the difference, so I would be wary of doing anything which might make her reconsider her attempts to put people at their ease.

diddl · 24/08/2013 14:10

Don't they ask what it's for in case you don't need to see the Dr for example that day or even at all?

Eg repeat prescription?

kali110 · 24/08/2013 14:13

Diddi - sometimes they get you a telephone app too

KurriKurri · 24/08/2013 14:13

'Lighten up'? 'get a grip'? - same difference. You just stamped down the path for the herd to follow bowlersarm.

Kinect · 24/08/2013 14:20

YANBU

Drs receptionists should be professional, which includes being sensitive and appropriate. It's not a joke line.

Bowlersarm · 24/08/2013 14:23

Oh to have so much power KurriKurri.

Lighten up does not mean get a grip. It means try not to take life (and in this case an amusing comment) too seriously.

babyboomersrock · 24/08/2013 14:23

People take life far too seriously sometimes

Unprofessional?? . It was a joke...

A joke is always welcome, eh? A bit of light relief is always appropriate?

So you'd enjoy a wee laugh at the undertaker's jokes when you've just lost someone? Or when the consultant delivers terrible news with a smile and a bit of banter?

I do wish some posters would try to put themselves in another person's position. All this support for the receptionist and none for the OP - it baffles me.

Montybojangles · 24/08/2013 14:23

Kurrikurri, do you really think that people just post whatever they see posted before? If so why would these threads run so long, with so much debate?

I'm the lady with the grip by the way. Perhaps read my post at 13:53 for my reasoning.

hatchypom · 24/08/2013 14:29

Deafness isn't a lighthearted comment though is it. I have 2 deaf children and a classic symptom of their hearing condition is intermittent hearing, so I for one find this rude and in the context, highly inappropriate. Yes, I'm sure her intentions were cheery, but she has no idea who she is talking with and therefore should be discouraged from making such remarks.

KurriKurri · 24/08/2013 14:32

I did read your post Montybojangles - you argue a separate point. I too have a medical condition, we make jokes about it in my family - because we know and love each other and have the history together which makes that kind of banter acceptable. Strangers have not earned the privilege to make jokes about my condition, and I would consider it inappropriate if they did so.

And yes I do think people read the opening responses and answer accordingly, - MN is probably used as first year psychology course source material.

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