to wish dh wouldn't boast about me/us?

[Hollibaloo]

I know he has good intentions of being complimentary about me and expressing his happiness about us but I feel like his 'boasting' alienates people. For example, if anyone we know is pregnant he'll go on about how much I still did when pregnant. If anyone's about to give birth he'll tell them how I did it pain relief free, was out in 5 hours. If anyone's breastfeeding and expecting their dp to help he'll say how he's never been disturbed at night. If anyone's got their mum over to help with kids he'll mention how I've never had any help, that he didn't even take paternity leave etc. He doesn't say these things in a nasty way, just in a 'recounting his experience' way but it ultimately leads to me getting daggers from whoever he's telling and I think it alienates us. AIBU to think he should stop telling everyone everything when they're going through things, only tell if specifically asked and in a more diplomatic less braggy way?

You wouldn't get daggers form me - I would think what a lazy husband he was/is for not helping you out at all and I would wonder why he would boast about being lazy.

Lazy to me is not a characteristic to boast about as it is a fault in my eyes not something to take pride in.

Probably sparkling :(

OP do you have just one child?

I agree he sounds like a control freak not bigging you up at all. you will realise that they aren't cross with him for bragging they are looking in disbelief that he could be such an idiot.

So your husband boasts about how little he wants to do with your child/ren and is also the man in another thread from the last couple of days who wants you to bottle feed a future child so he gets more sex and tries to sneak off while your young child plays with toys for a quickie?

I really don't think people are giving you daggers because they are envious.

Actually I feel I'm being a bit mean or snarky with my comment and that's not what I intended. Your husband sounds like a very unsupportive, selfish man all round and you don't seem to have noticed. In fact, you seem proud of it and that makes me feel a bit sad and uncomfortable.

I'm not sure what to say now really.

I don't like it when people are horrid about their absent partners in the presence of acquaintances (it's different from venting to close friends).

I know a lot of people "bond" over bitching about their husbands/wives, but I think it's disloyal and makes me feel uncomfortable.

Having said that, the opposite is also very inelegant especially if the person being complimented is present!

I would avoid someone like your husband (and you by association). Sorry.

I have a friend who is a bit like the OPs DH. To her credit, she is a lot of fun and very supportive in practical ways but she just doesn't get that if someone is struggling with something, you don't contribute to the conversation by telling them how easy you found it. You either STFU or make something up to make them feel better. People like you a lot more if you're the mum whose 2 yr old peed all over their shoes in Pizza Express on a Saturday lunchtime than the one who potty trained in 3 hrs and has never had to deal with wet shorts on the tube. This is just basic social skills. I actually am ironically glad for this friend that her second child isn't as biddable as the first as I feel she's winning some friends back.

Oh dear. OP, I'm going to honest here and I'm sorry if its hurtful, but your husband sounds like a grade A, controlling twatbadger.
If you were my friend, I would be very worried about you and find it very uncomfortable to spend time around you and your DH.
The huge upside to this is of course that you sound like a great parent and you won't miss the support when you LTB, as he doesn't give you any.
Please be assured that the people you say are giving you daggers are going no such thing. That's pity.

Actuallt OP, I bet your friends don't mind like you think they do. I work with a lovely woman whose husband also has 'very high standards'- and every time I hear about his latest twattery I think 'No matter how bad my life is- at least I'm not married to X'

Christ, I think you have had a hard time on here OP. I don't think you were stealth boasting at all and OP made it very clear that she KNOWS that she has been lucky to be able to bf easily etc not that she thinks she has superior parenting skills .

I also wanted a pain relief free birth with DC1 and it was something that was important to me. In retrospect it really is not something that matters but I don't think that the MN collective has any right to belittle me (or OP) for that - I have as much right as anyone else to think about how I want(ed) my birth experience to be and to be glad that it went as planned.

OP my exH was a bit like this but over material possessions. So someone would be telling us about their new DVD player and he would jump in and tell them all about our super duper DVD recorder. Really p*ssed all over their parade. I used to feel very uncomfortable and I think sometimes I would overreact and belittle him to try and make amends.

I actually think other people noticed less than I did. I was super sensitive to it. Of course your problem is that most people do tend to stay super sensitive about their kids - as someone mentioned soon it will be potty training/first words and then school grades etc. If he is a caring sensitive sort of guy who would care about other people's feelings perhaps try talking to him about a specific point where you think he has been insensitive to the other person. He might be mortified.

FWIW ExH and I no longer move in the same social circles but he does still have a very good social circle so clearly has not totally alienated people - just me

That's hardly boasting - he comes across as a lazy father. That's really sad. People who listen to this will be feeling very sorry for you, OP.

Do YOU mind OP (if you are still there) that he did not take parental leave? I would have been quite hurt had DH not taken his PL.

YANBU. I agree with other posters that boasting does seem as lazy parenting and you DH being unwilling to help with his child.

I have a friend whose husband goes on and own about her home cooking and housework aspect etc. It comes across as controlling and terribly old fashioned and that he wants to take the piss out of people who are not perfect like his wife. He's a bit of a twat. I don't say anything because I like her and see her rolling her eyes. It's wee man syndrome.

I have met several men like this since pregnancy, with stupid DPs simpering with fake expressions as he bangs on. Once I grew a pair (of boobs, not balls), I have said:
Oh, do shut up.
So, what HAVE you done, then?
How do you put up with him? (to the dp).
Oh, my poor DH, I've been doing it wrong all these years.

A swift, "JUST COCK OFF, WILL YOU?" will be said to the next socially inept halfwit.

Do you have any friends left, OP?

Can anyone else imagine the OP's DH down the pub with his mates: 'so, lads, I'm living the life of Riley. It's 1873 in my house, wife cooks, cleans and gets up all night with the babies. Next one I'm making sure is ff as I'd like a night out and a shag before her tits are wrecked.'

All those people you think are friends are probably saying "Oh God, we don't have to see Holli and HollisCuntyDH again do we? She's bearable but he's an utter twat". Do them all a favour and just don't socialise. Problem solved

Seems to me you have the relationship you both want - he has his 1950s wife (aka slave) and you get someone telling you how wonderfully you cope (whilst effectively being a single parent)

Your friend's husband's tell them "you should be more like Holli*?

Commiserations, op, you know some horrific arseholes.

Op if you did this around me and dh, I'd make admiring noises (or whatever was expected). Dh would lightly rib me for not being made of such strong stuff. And then once you had left, we'd roll around laughing that you thought that these were things to boast about rather than feel ashamed of (seriously, no paternity leave? I mean I can see it might be a necessity but to make it a source of pride boggles my mind).

He's not showing off about you though. He's showing off the fact that he thinks he's married a complete fool who let's him get away with pleasing himself. He thinks his friends will be jealous that their wives don't suffer in silence. His friends almost certainly won't be jealous.

OP, you've had a really hard time on here for what I think was probably a genuine question. I think you should speak to your DH, but not for the 'boasting', because I don't think that's what it is. From what you've said, he does seem to be really pleased that he has to do very little for his child, and that's possibly more of an issue than what you've highlighted here.

But it's your relationship, and if it works for you then brilliant! I just think you're being a bit naive on here, which has been interpreted as smugness, and that's possibly why you've had a bit of a flaming. I don't want you to be upset by some of the nastier comments on here, but maybe think about why he feels the need to point out to people how much you do, and how little he does (again, only taking this from what you've said, if he is more involved then I apologise.)

Sorry but I agree with the majority of people on here. He is openly bragging about being a hopeless lazy father who leaves everything to you....but is part of you quite enjoying being the wonderful, capable wifey with whom no-one could possibly compete?

He sounds dreadful and you both sound a bit stuck in the 1950s.

Is the pain relief someone does or doesn't receive during labour the subject of a boast? Have you/he no real achievements to brag about?

This is a very good point....