to wish dh wouldn't boast about me/us?

[Hollibaloo]

I know he has good intentions of being complimentary about me and expressing his happiness about us but I feel like his 'boasting' alienates people. For example, if anyone we know is pregnant he'll go on about how much I still did when pregnant. If anyone's about to give birth he'll tell them how I did it pain relief free, was out in 5 hours. If anyone's breastfeeding and expecting their dp to help he'll say how he's never been disturbed at night. If anyone's got their mum over to help with kids he'll mention how I've never had any help, that he didn't even take paternity leave etc. He doesn't say these things in a nasty way, just in a 'recounting his experience' way but it ultimately leads to me getting daggers from whoever he's telling and I think it alienates us. AIBU to think he should stop telling everyone everything when they're going through things, only tell if specifically asked and in a more diplomatic less braggy way?

I suspect the man "berating" his wife was doing it with his tongue firmly in his cheek! It's the kind of thing my DH would say if faced with a prize twat like the OP's DH.

OP, why are you with this man? He clearly does nothing to help you, and he has no social skills. What do you get out of the relationship?

It was his friend that berated his wife, not dh. Jinsei - I haven't been manipulated into doing things. It was me that said there's no point him getting up with baby too as I'm a light sleeper so would be awake anyway and most problems could be solved by bf so no point prolonging it for everyone. I just appreciate not everyone else shares that opinion so I don't share mine. Brown sauce - I've explained that things could be different with future babies but he does have high expectations/optimism.

Stunt - I like having done things like pain relief free birth, end etc for myself and baby but don't tell everyone else we know about them.

Ebf that should've said!

OK, so it sounds like you actually quite like the "super woman" label and you encourage it by not letting him help? And that's what you get out of the relationship?

Wouldn't suit me, but each to their own, I suppose.

He's taking you for an absolute mug.

You don't need to tell everyone else, do you, because you know that your DH will do it for you!

I think Stuntgirl has the gist of your relationship OP.

Not being bitchy, but you obviously both get something out of this dynamic.

BTW your DH is an annoying tool.

I think your friends might be a bit horrified by his attitude, I know I would be.

I don't stop him helping, but neither am I incapable of doing it myself.

Well like you say it could be very different with a future baby.

I really think he is doing this as a way to control you. He tells people how super capable you are in front of you and then you feel you cannot make him get off his lazy selfish arse and help you with his children.

Nope, not stealth boasting, just control.

Jinsei he tells his/joint friends, I don't tell mine

The school years could be interesting if your DH continues like this. I take it perfect grades and top sets are what he is envisaging?

So you've told him to stop being a gobshite and he's continued to ignore you?

Sparkling I've said that to him, in front of people when he's made comments, he comes back with a list of how high needs baby is and how the next one can't possibly be more difficult...!

But you are telling us?

If his "boasting" really annoyed you, why wouldn't you just stop doing everything yourself so that he had nothing left to boast about? Unless you secretly rather enjoy it or are too much under his control to stop?

He sounds like a charmer.

Well he's got you right where he wants you. As PP said, people probably feel sorry for you, unless you have a smug fuck face when he's saying it. No one likes a smug fuck!

Of course he sees it as not helping! He is good at manipulating you though if you believe his soft soaping rubbish.

You're as bad as he is.

He sees it as contributing to conversation if people are talking about the subject matter but if someone is talking about feeding difficulties I feel the last thing they want to hear is what a breeze it was for someone else

Your dh is the type of person that I would roll my eyes at!

You do realise that people don't see all the things you list as bragging, don't you? It's totally, totally cringeworthy and I would be beyond embarrassed if my dh did this.

There are people in life who always have to bring the conversation around to being about them and your dh is one of them!

From what you have posted he has a total lack of self awareness and extremely poor social skills.

OP, you haven't said whether or not you have asked him to stop. Is it that you haven't asked him to stop making these comments, or is it that he is incapable of respecting your wishes?

Why doesn't he want you to bf the next baby when it's worked so well for him and he's never had a disturbed night. I think he is asking you to ff the next baby because he assumes you will still do all the work and he will still be undisturbed at night, even though with ff he could do his fair share - and he's not wrong is he! He sounds like a really selfish, unthinking twat. If you still have any friends, then yes ffs have a word and tell him how dickish he is being boasting about his own shitness as a dad and husband, not to mention boasting about your fortunate pregnancies with seemingly no understanding of the difficulties and complications that often come with pregnancy. He needs to educate himself about that and/or learn to STFU because this will doubtless be a very sensitive subject for a lot of women (especially the poor sod who was bedbound for 2 months)!

He's worked a cracker on you hasn't he?