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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I have it out with her

127 replies

wossgoinon · 23/08/2013 10:30

Long time lurker here but in a bit of a quandary

My long term friend has gone on holiday abroad for two weeks with her new dp. She asked me to look after her DD age 12 she best mates with my DD since babies. I asked why isnt dd going and she said 'Oh she doesnt want to'

Im now in day 8 and the mum has not contacted once. She has not given me any contact numbers in case of accident and only gave her dd £20 spending. She goes home on Monday

I have asked her dd why she didnt want to go on holiday and she said 'I wasnt asked :( ' .

My friend has already fallen out with her mum and sis due to her new relationship because she is ignoring family. I feel that I will be falling out with her too.

AIBU to have it out with her ?

OP posts:
LoopyLoopyLoopy · 25/08/2013 13:55

:( poor love

lunar1 · 25/08/2013 13:55

The poor dd, what on earth can you say to your friend though. If you say anything will it stop her letting you have her dd. it sounds like you and your dd are the only stable thing in her life.

Absolutely disgusting behaviour from your friend.

MrsWilliamBodie · 25/08/2013 14:15

I just want to say what a lovely person you are Flowers

this little girl will remember your kindness forever.

Original poster
wossgoinon · 25/08/2013 14:51

I just want to shake her and for her to realise what she is missing out on. But she would take as an offence. Its all about the bf at the moment

Thank you for the flowers :)

OP posts:
ShellyBoobs · 25/08/2013 15:00

this little girl will remember your kindness forever.

This^^

And if you do ditch your friend, can you try to maintain contact with her dd, she's your dd's friend after all? I think your friend's dd very much needs you, unfortunately.

Flowers
Fairylea · 25/08/2013 15:01

What a selfish, selfish woman!

She is very lucky to have a friend like you. Her poor dd :( :(

HighJinx · 25/08/2013 15:06

From what you've said I'm not sure there is anything you can say to your friend. She hears what she wants to hear and ignores the rest.

I agree this girl will remember your kindness forever.

You deserve lots of Flowers and Cake

Nancy66 · 25/08/2013 15:07

The light at the end of the tunnel is that this type of relationship doesn't tend to last - so chances are the bf will be off the scene shortly. However, it does sound as though she will then just hook up with the next loser.

Original poster
wossgoinon · 25/08/2013 15:21

Well she is on her way. I will talk to her outside. i will try to be calm and might have a small glass of wine for dutch courage

OP posts:
pumpkinsweetie · 25/08/2013 15:26

What a selfish cowSad, poor daughter having a mum who has put a new bloke first before her own child.

I would have it out with her whilst the daughter isn't around, i would find it hard staying friends with a woman who can do this to a child.

I bet your friends family, are at their wits end trying to make her see see sense. Maybe the new bloke is controlling, either that or she is so besotted her daughter is an afterthoughtSad

Original poster
wossgoinon · 25/08/2013 15:27

She is besotted. God knows why. He got rid of his older kids who were 19 and 21 so he could move out and move in with her. Both as bad as eachother if you ask me

OP posts:
Original poster
wossgoinon · 25/08/2013 15:45

well she been. Gave me a small bottle of something. I explained my concerns and she basically said ' oh but if there was a problem you would of text. wouldn't you?'

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 25/08/2013 15:47

Sounds like she really isn't going to listen to anyone right now.
You did a lovely thing for her daughter though. Can only hope your friend has a blinding moment of clarity before too long and realises how selfish she is being.

Original poster
wossgoinon · 25/08/2013 16:02

I told her im worried on how apart they seem to be. All I got was a cats bum mouth x

OP posts:
candycoatedwaterdrops · 25/08/2013 16:28

Agree that her DD will always remember you as someone who actually cared about her. You sound lovely.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 25/08/2013 16:36

Wait so you did have her mobile number?

Why didn't you text after a couple of days and say "Your DD wants a quick chat"?

raffle · 25/08/2013 16:51

So you could have contacted her on her mobile?

Original poster
wossgoinon · 25/08/2013 17:00

I did contact her! On day two. Day six and yesterday. I asked her if there were internet cafes she said there was and she didnt want to go in them

OP posts:
Original poster
wossgoinon · 25/08/2013 17:02

I have been away from my kids too for long weekends but I always felt it was up to me to contact. As they are my kids??

OP posts:
HighJinx · 25/08/2013 17:14

I don't think it's too much to expect a parent to phone their 12 year old child or at least send a text to say 'are you Ok?' rather than just fuck off for two weeks. OP had no idea if her friend had received her texts as she got no reply.

She sounds like she isn't interested in hearing anything that doesn't fit in with her and her new man. At least you tried.

raffle · 25/08/2013 17:15

Yes of course she should have been the one to make contact, I thought you had no way of contacting her in an emergency but if she had her mobile on her then you could. Poor girl, she must feel so awful.

Nancy66 · 25/08/2013 17:17

Was she at least pleased to see her daughter ? Affectionate with her?

Groovee · 25/08/2013 17:23

Confused I just couldn't do this with my children. Thank god her dd has someone as caring as you in her life. 2 weeks is a lot to ask of anyone.

Original poster
wossgoinon · 25/08/2013 17:25

Kiss on cheek and dd was on fb within 20mins talking to my dd x She was meant to give me details of her dads number and sister but she 'forgot'

She at home now. She will not listen to anyone. Apparently the holiday is booked for next year all ready. Just the two her and her bf x

OP posts:
knickernicker · 25/08/2013 17:33

She pretty much abandoned her. Wicked and cruel mother.

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