To think I am NOT being racist if I say I am not attracted to a Pakistani person?

[funkypigeon]

I am newly-ish single after a long marriage to a man from the Middle East.
I had a conversation with a few friends today, over coffee we got talking about types of men that we are attracted to. I said Mediterranean, Middle Eastern. Then I said I am not usually attracted to Asian men, and my friend said that was being racist.

I am shocked tbh. Am I? I've got loads of Asian friends, and colleagues. Just because I don't fancy them doesn't mean I would ever be rude or treat them differently.

Opinions please!

Nope he's not doing it for me. (And the photo with the tiny puppies is just weird).

I was in a shop the other day, and the shop owner admired my scarf. It had elephants on it. He said he really liked elephants, and when recently in India hoped to buy somethings with elephants on, but couldn't find anything. He concluded by saying "There are no nice things to buy in India." A sweeping statement, yes. Racist? Personally I don't think so, but obviously lots of posters will disagree.

It's not racist to say you don't fancy one person of a certain race, but yes it is racist to say you would never fancy anyone of a certain race.

People are all so different - but to write off an entire race as undesirable to you is prejudiced - can you not see that?

Heaven forbid anyone states a preference for a sexual partner based on appearance or lifestyle,

Oh lawd, I would never fancy a man with a mustache!

Yes, Samandi, you ARE racist...

Here we go. Cultural stereotypes creeping in. So this is not about physical attraction to certain physical attributes its turning in to stereotyping men of a particular background of having a certain culture which is even more offensive.

For example, if someone said I'm not attracted to British girls but I really like French girls. Then when explaining it they say British girls are really easy and dress cheap/slutty. Offended? I thought so.

samandi I can't believe you typed that!

MrsLouis. You are being disingenuous. What has lifestyle got to do with it? This is not like saying I don't like men who are builders or who have dirty fingernails. This is making a sweeping generalisation based on race/country. She hasn't worked it out yet.

peaceful Do stereotypes not exist?

Lifestyle has everything to do with it peaceful Most people's 'lifestyle' is based on their upbringing, culture, family traditions, career, where they live, friends, family. Is it not?

I think you could have said it better, OP, if you had suggested you hadn't yet been attracted to a South Asian man, but that was less to do with race, per se, than the people you'd met. You can't suggest a whole race is off limits because you never know who you'll click with.

I think, like it or not, writing off an entire racial group based on race sounds racist to me. And samandi, bringing cultural stereotypes or sweeping notions about South Asian men having moustaches into it is definitely racist.

I dont find women sexually attractive - does that make me misogynist?

BTW. Some of my best friends are women

what Worraliberty said

Stereotypes exist. But they are just that- stereotypes.

They have a very tenuous basis in truth. The fact that gave birth to a stereotype may have been completely turned on its head, but to still think of a culture/race/country through a particular lens is plain silly.

Lazyjaney Of the worst kind. Shocking to write off a whole sex.

What you have described as 'lifestyle' MrsTheroux (upbringing, culture, family traditions, career) does not include race. So again what does lifestyle have to do with what the OP is saying. A Pakistani person might have a very similar lifestyle to the OP i.e. similar upbringing, culture, family traditions etc. Also who says that just because you have a particular type of upbringing you will turn out a particular sort of way. Anyone who has siblings or more then one child will see that the same type of upbringing, family traditions, culture doesn't produce clones.

Stereotypes exist but that doesn't make them right. If I said all women are shopaholics or all men are aggressive most people would automatically call me out on that. In the same vein stereotypes about peoples culture whether its about British women dressing a certain way, or Pakistani men behaving a certain way should also be treated just as dismissively.

Peaceful
I said 'appearance and lifestyle' which I think covers the following:

Race - Biological categorization (hair, eyes, skin, etc.)
Ethnicity - Group of racially similar people of similar origin
Culture - Shared values, ideals, beliefs of a group of people regardless of race and ethnicity
Cultural Identity - Chosen or adopted culture
Nationality - What is the nation they identify as their national origin.

We choose our partners based on any number of the above.

How do you know you wouldn't be attracted to ANY Pakistani man on earth? Have you met every single one? . I do find that comment a bit ignorant.

fakebook OP said " I am not usually attracted to Asian men".

I can see where you're coming from, as I also have certain types I am absolutely not attracted to.
Someone here mentioned Somali men, and I also do not feel attracted to the very lean type of men, regardless of height.

And I think lots of things play a role. I myself see a huge difference between an Irish, and English, a Dutch, and a German man.
To some they might look Caucasian/White and sort of similar, and they do I agree, but immediately language, accent, behaviour, mannerism etc. will distinguish these men and I know where my preferences would be.

And by the way, I cannot repeat this enough Mediterranean and Middle Eastern fols are also of the White/Caucasian race, if people are desribing this in races here.

I rather talk about humans from certain regions or countries.

I personally cannot see or do not know the difference between someone from Bangladesh, from Pakistan or from India as I had little to no contact to people from these regions, so they look, sound, behave all the same to me.

I also would say it depends how it is said. Would we be sitting there and chat about men and you would say it like you have described it, then I would totally see your point and would tell you which men I am usually attracted to and which ones I am not.

I have a very typical Mediterranean olive skin, brown eyes, dark-brwon curly hair, curvy hourglass Latin look.
And guess what, some men like this, some are crazy about it and for some men I am not even on their radar...so that happens...NEXT

Oh, and I am German!!!! So, for some that's already a NO-NO....NEXT

Oh don't be ridiculous, it's not ignorant. I have never been attracted to a non-white. Accordingly I can say that I am not generally attracted to non-whites. I am not usually attracted to fat ugly men either and yet and one of my most significant relatiosnhips was with an ugly fat man who I fell for when i got to know him as a person. That could also happen with a non-white (highly unlikely as I don't know any) but it does not change the fundamental position that I do not find myself intitially drawn to non-whites in a sexual way. Now Idris Elba, I can appreciate is a good looking man but I am not attracted to him. In the same (non-racist way) I can appreciate that Orlando Bloom is a good looking man but I am not attrracted to him.

It is not racist. it would be racist to say that you would never be with a non-white (Pakistani, Indian, whatever) no matter what (ie even if you were attracted to them having got to know them etc).