To think I am NOT being racist if I say I am not attracted to a Pakistani person?

[funkypigeon]

I am newly-ish single after a long marriage to a man from the Middle East.
I had a conversation with a few friends today, over coffee we got talking about types of men that we are attracted to. I said Mediterranean, Middle Eastern. Then I said I am not usually attracted to Asian men, and my friend said that was being racist.

I am shocked tbh. Am I? I've got loads of Asian friends, and colleagues. Just because I don't fancy them doesn't mean I would ever be rude or treat them differently.

Opinions please!

The problem, Strokey, is that your definition of "resembles me" is based on colour (and possibly hair and little else).

Your child would still resemble you. Maybe just not have the same colour as you.

Surely wanting a healthy, happy child is the only consideration? Why the bollocks would you care if they look like you or not? You could "mate" with the whitest white man going and the wonder of nature and genetics could mean your children STILL look bugger all like you.

Slightly off-topic, but your DD is beautiful, Mrs De Vere.

DH and I have the same hair colour, same eye colour, same skin colour. DS however still looks nothing like me and everything like his dad.

Oh sure Strokey, accuse people if having mental health problems. That sounds like a good idea.

I don't think it's racist. I don't fancy short blokes. Does that make me heightest?

As a slight aside, DS is blonde. It turns out my now dark haired DH was once a blondie. DH will not let me live down being in the delivery room and the doctor saying, "aww the baby has light brown hair" and I responded (in my exhausted state) rather too loudly with, "light BROWN?!?"

Apparently I sounded disgusted.

So don't think "mating" with a white bloke will get you your little clone.

Wanting a happy healthy child is the PRIMARY consideration, but I like that my children look like me physically too.

I know there is no guarantee, but it definitely helped that I chose a white guy to father them.

If I adopted (never would) Id also prefer a child who looked like me. I think lots of people do when choosing donor sperm etc.

Im not sure what part of that is so baffling to you - its not like Im doing genetic testing.

You still don't understand it, do you Strokey?

Your children might still look like you even in a darker tone of skin and curly hair.

Conversely, they might be blonde and blue eyed and look nothing like you.

So, you just want them to look blonde and blue eye.

You're lucky nature didn't play with you

genetics is a bitch

It's baffling because it's so incredibly ignorant and racist and I thought attitudes like that died out with the dinosaurs.

Lweji

Thanks for posting that story about the twins. Amazing. Beautiful children.

strokey

neither of my sons look much like me. I think it must have been the milkwoman.

egocentricity tends to need to go out of the window/on the back burner if one is to become a good parent.

Rubbish. Loads of people hope that their child looks like them, or someone they love! Its completely normal. Call me racist if you like, I dont care.

I hoped my children looked like me and they do.. doesn't mean Id abandon them if they didn't.

And NO I wouldn't adopt either. Has that offended you too?

Ahhhcrap, I think the issue is that race is the topic we're dealing with here. Categorising all persons/men/women of a certain race as one thing remains a racist act, because it generalises and depersonalises people. There aren't centuries of prejudice, hierarchy and abuse related to short men. We all really just need to think about what we're saying. Chances are, if it sounds racist, it is racist.

I have a son who looks nothing like me at all. I've often wondered if he's mine. Should I go for a maternity test?

For some light relief, go on the website Lweji has linked and check out the baby twins having a babbled conversation. Fascinating

He's the spitting image of my Dp, though. Do you think the bastard slept with someone else?

curlew

it's the milkwoman I tell ya

My nephew looks like my SIL's father (spitting image and mannerisms) and not like my brother.