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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you leave your baby unattended in their buggy

999 replies

noblegiraffe · 20/08/2013 13:17

...while you use the loo?

On another thread I mentioned not being able to get a buggy into a small cubicle and the suggestion was to leave baby outside.

Would I be overly precious in thinking 'No, I wouldn't do that'?

OP posts:
Emilythornesbff · 22/08/2013 09:21

mrsdevere I have already said that I tend to leave the door open.
I have "admitted to" the heinous crime of using the loo in shared accessible facilities when I change my DCs and of not wanting to leave my DCs unattended.
I take each situation as it comes.
My priorities are: my children's safety.
Maintaining non maleficence in relation to others

And way down low....
My "convenience" or comfort.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 22/08/2013 09:23

Emilythorne I agree that not all mothers want to leave their babies and they shouldn't be forced to but you have arms, do you not? Yes, your DC are precious to you, of course they are! Do you realise that dawndonna's DD is precious to her too? Even at the age of 25, my mum gets upset seeing mestruggle on crutches, I am still her precious baby.

curlew · 22/08/2013 09:24

"My priorities are: my children's safety"

So you do think they are likely to be kidnapped and murdered......

everlong · 22/08/2013 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleBearPad · 22/08/2013 09:25

Curlew I thought the whole point of this was that you were using the disabled people's loo so you wouldn't have to leave the door of your cubicle open?

"Emily has not said that at all. She has said numerous times she leaves th door open.

curlew · 22/08/2013 09:27

So why does she need to use the disabled facilities, then?

LittleBearPad · 22/08/2013 09:29

To change her children!!

FourGates · 22/08/2013 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Emilythornesbff · 22/08/2013 09:37

candycoated I do hear you. I totally appreciate that your mother feels like that.
I don't pop into the disabled loo whenever I need a pee.
I would leave a cubicle door open.
If it wasn't possible and I just had my ds I would take him in
If I have the sling I would take them both in.if I'm with a friend or see someone I know I would have them watch them.
Or I would use the loo when I change their nappies in shared facilities (which is how most of the facilities I encounter are set up.)
If I see someone who apparently needs any facility with urgency I would always let them go ahead of me.

But I cannot say that I would never ever use a disabled loo if there were absolutely no alternative but to leave my DCs unattended.

LittleBearPad · 22/08/2013 09:38

FFS there are no examples but there is a risk. It is low likelihood but catastrophic consequence.

If Emily doesn't wish to leave her children then that's up to her. You may be more relaxed about this aspect of parenting but more worried about others.

Emily says she only tends to use disabled loos when there is also a baby change to change her children. So give her a break.

Emilythornesbff · 22/08/2013 09:40

I don't need to fourgates

But I'm definitely not going to willingly risk being the first one you can name.

DropYourSword · 22/08/2013 09:41

Bizarre argument curlew, but OK - I wouldn't be too concerned about aliens because I dont think they exist. I would be concerned about fucked up individuals who might want to steal a child because they do exist!

Also, being concerned about the 'risk' of something happening is very different to thinking something is 'likely' to happen. Big difference. Take sky diving for example - is it 'likely' you would die doing it - no. Is there a 'risk' of you dying - yes! Some people are happy accepting that level of risk, others are not. I've been sky diving but it doesn't mean I'd be dismissive or rude to you if you chose not to because you thought it was too risky.

anticipates people not actually getting the meaning of my post and screaming histrionically that leaving a baby unattended is NOTHING LIKE SKY DIVING

FourGates · 22/08/2013 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DropYourSword · 22/08/2013 09:45

So you concede there is a risk when going swimming, or driving, but NOT that there is to leaving a child unattended in a toilet, going so far as to be exceptionally insulting to that mother by calling them misplaced neurotic fears. You contradict yourself!

curlew · 22/08/2013 09:50

"So you concede there is a risk when going swimming, or driving, but NOT that there is to leaving a child unattended in a toilet, going so far as to be exceptionally insulting to that mother by calling them misplaced neurotic fears. You contradict yourself!"

What on earth do you mean? It would be deeply irresponsible to leave a child unattended in a toilet while you went swimming, obviously..........

But a child strapped in a buggy outside a slightly ajar cubicle door while it's mother pees.........Nope. No risk there at all. None. Nada.

kungfupannda · 22/08/2013 09:52

The "adorable children" reference is to people who seem to think that because they adore their children, the rest of the world must do so too.

There are plenty of them about. I adore my own children, but I am under no illusions that everyone we encounter feels the same. I therefore try to ensure that my small children, who can be as annoying as small children the world over, do not inconvenience others, and that I do not fall into the trap of thinking the world revolves around me because I have cute offspring.

I choose not to leave my small children unattended outside toilet cubicles - not because I think there is the slightest risk of someone entering the ladies toilet, seizing my child and legging it before I or anyone else can do anything about it - but because there is a realistic chance of DS2 causing utter carnage. So DS1 is sent into his own cubicle for a wee, while I go into the one next door, or he comes in with me if the cubicle is big enough. DS2 is either on my back in the sling or standing up in the cubicle. When he was smaller he was either in the sling or I held him.

It's not the most convenient way to wee, but it doesn't exactly ruin my day.

5madthings · 22/08/2013 09:54

The point is people, happily do thing swhic put their children at risk when they want to, you use you car and dotn tell me all your car jourmeys are absolutely necessary because they are not. You put your child at far more risk doing everyday things than you would do when having a pee with them safely strapped in their pushchair inches away from you.

kungfupannda · 22/08/2013 09:56

Has anyone every seen a small child in a buggy outside a toilet cubicle and thought "OMG that child might be snatched!"?

Honestly?

Or is it only something that is brought up on these threads?

Emilythornesbff · 22/08/2013 09:58

curlew if you consider the risk of abduction by humans to be akin to a risk of abduction by aliens then it's difficult to think of a suitable response.

If you choose to ignore the fact that I have repeatedly stated my first choice (if I'm not already using shared facilities to change nappies) is to leave a door open then I shall leave you to argue with yourself.

Emilythornesbff · 22/08/2013 09:59

kungfupanda that is always my worry if I see an unattended child.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 22/08/2013 10:00

I did discover the other week that the ultimate flaw in taking toddler DS into the cubicle with me, is that he is now tall enough to reach the lock and takes great pleasure in opening the door and shouting MUMMY WEE WEEEEE! Le sigh.

DropYourSword · 22/08/2013 10:00

curlew What on earth do you mean? It would be deeply irresponsible to leave a child unattended in a toilet while you went swimming, obviously..........

I hope you mean this as a joke. Or are you deliberately trying to misunderstand me?!

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 22/08/2013 10:01

If I saw an 'unattended' child outside a cubicle I would not be worried about them being snatched because their parent/carer was obviously RIGHT THERE in the cubicle. FFS.

LittleBearPad · 22/08/2013 10:03

Yes but has anyone seen a baby in a car seat in a petrol station whilst their parent pays and thought the petrol station could blow up any minute.

Yet people disagree violently on whether the above is ok or not.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 22/08/2013 10:08

I never understood that about the petrol station thing. I mean, even if the baby was with the parent, the petrol station blowing up would still kill them? Very odd.