To complain to exH about board money he is charging DS?

[midori1999]

I have DS's 1 and 2 with exH. DS moved to live with exH last year when he was 16 to start an apprenticeship where exH works, at his Uncle's company. This was a good opportunity for DS and exH had suggested it. It's too far to travel daily, about 2 hours away, hence DS moving in with exH.

When he first moved his wages were about £400 a month, plus overtime if he did it. I discussed board with exH and he suggested asking DS for £80 a month, which I agreed with. Then, when they moved from the flat they lived in to a house, exH put the board money up to £120 a month. He didn't discuss it with me, I found out from DS. I haven't ever mentioned it to exH and DS didn't want me to.

However, now DS's wages have doubled and exH has told him his board money is now £320 a month. DS is still only 17.

AIBU to think this is too much and discuss it with exH? As far as I know he doesn't need the money and as DS has been sensible and managed to save up a decent amount over the last year, so I feel he should be encouraged to save while he has the chance and that extra board money is money he could be saving. DS pay for some of his own food and obviously all his clothes, shoes, leisure activities, transport etc and things he needs for work.

Not sure it's entirely relevant, but exH 'only' pays £200 a month is maintenance for DS2, which I suspect is far less than the 15% the CSA would suggest for one child (Probably a third of that at least) and he paid the same when DS1 lived here too. I discussed maintenance changing when DS1 moved there and exH wanted to keep things the same. I have never rocked the boat about the amount of maintenance as we do get on fairly well, but I do feel a bit irritated by the fact he is now asking DS1 for over half that amount again when DS1 is still responsible for a lot of his own expenses.

I do think Ds1 should pay some board, but AIBU to think £320 is too much?

Your friend is a raging hypocrite MistressDee

It seems that the exH was ok to discuss and suggest board initially but when the raises occurred did not bother conferring with the OP and is now in a huff that shes dared mention it again.

I can understand the OP being concerned about how much it is - I personally would never charge my 17 year old that much but then everyone's different.

I left full time education at 18 into a job and moved out at 19 but for that year my parents never asked me for any money, although I did offer. I learned to how to manage my finances myself successfully.

Edam:

"Fascinating that people such as Dadisthelion come along and make up bizarre shit to try to paint the OP as the baddie. The OP says clearly 'exDH' is the father of ds1 and ds2. Dadisthelion then comes along and claims the ex is actually a step-father who took on another man's child and is a good guy - but when challenged, can't come up with anything to justify these claims."

poster midori1999 Thu 15-Jul-10 15:03:32
"My eldest son's father has paid me £21 a month for 14 years. Doesn't contribute much to his upbringing really, does it?! He's a tosser! The CSA have always been involved in our case and are clearly useless. "

poster midori1999 Sat 06-Oct-12 22:20:08
"DS1 is 16. He decided to leave school after his GSCEs to go and do an apprenticeship with my exH, which will almost certainly lead to a good job where he can always find employment. ExH is not DS1's biological Dad, but has brought him up since a toddler and although DS1 knows his bio Dad, he calls exH Dad."

I'm not trying to blame the OP just saying the Dad isn't as bad as painted out to be.

"exH 'only' pays £200 a month is maintenance for DS2, which I suspect is far less than the 15% the CSA would suggest for one child (Probably a third of that at least)"

No saint either, lion.

Op do you have to pay maintenance to your dh for Ds1?

Nothing to do with if I think Yabu or Yanbu, a friend of mines son lives with her xdh and he's asking for maintenance so just wondering if this is the norm....

Seems reasonable to me - He's earning £800 plus overtime, and paying £320 which I presume covers his food and bills as well as his board. If he feels it's too much then maybe he could look to rent somewhere else as many young people of that age do.

toys All NRP have to pay maintenance for their DCs until the DC is 16, or longer if in the DC is in FTE.

An apprentiship isn't classed as full time education, and the DC is earning, so the NRP is no longer legally required to pay maintenance to the RP.

Ah, sorry dadisthelion, I did check the thread but missed that.

I don't think there's anything heroic in someone who has been Dad since the child was tiny still being Dad after the relationship ends, though. Only a miserable git would abandon their son after more than a decade.