Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To want to live by my toddlers routine?

120 replies

Annie456 · 18/08/2013 15:20

Dh and I have a constant battle-I want to plan our days around what DS (2yo) needs which generally involves bringing him home for his 2 hour nap (because he won't sleep out of his cot). DH thinks we should make life a little more about our schedules and what we want and as a result will think nothing of organising lunch with friends at the weekend with the view that DS will just "deal with it". I know that he can't and he'll end up whining / crying for the entire day because he's not slept, which puts me on edge and ruins the day for me. Am I being unreasonable to think that DS shouldn't have to be flexible and if we have a routine then DH should respect that?

OP posts:

leobear · 18/08/2013 15:23

I'm exactly he same as you, and get the same sort of grief from family. YANBU. I wouldn't mind so much if anyone bothered to help me with the toddler once meltdown comes along on so-called "go with the flow, chilled out" days!!

ThisWayForCrazy · 18/08/2013 15:28

I can't imagine living a life that restrictive. You can't do anything, days out etc. it would drive me crazy.

DragonsAreReal · 18/08/2013 15:29

Will toddler not sleep in the car?

I was very on the ball with routines and 4 hour feeds as babies but as toddlers I was happy to go out for lunches and keep them up late and make them fit in with me with adjustments.

So if it was a long two hour lunch I would make sure that A we had a very long drive there so toddler would fall asleep for half hour or B have them sleep in the car on the way home and let them stay up slightly later so they fell asleep at night.

FinallySaidMama · 18/08/2013 15:30

I'm a little on your DH's side tbh. I appreciate that I'm not the one dealing with a whingey toddler though!

At two I think it's very tying to be going home for two hours every day just for a nap. Will he not sleep in the car or pushchair at all?

When you say 'go out for lunch' with friends, is it a place where your DS has something to do? (Play area, family friendly type place?) Because I agree I wouldn't want to take my 16 month old to a normal restaurant! She can manage about 45 minutes in a highchair at the most! And when he's whiney, is it you doing all the entertaining or does your DH do his fair share of toddler chasing?

If it's you that's doing all the hard work I can see why you'd rather be at home, but honestly although I'm a firm believer in the routine, I think at two their needs to be some flexibility.

Fairylea · 18/08/2013 15:30

Yanbu.

I have two dc ten years apart and despite being very laid back both of them will / would only ever sleep in their cots in the dark. If we go out for the day ds will not sleep in his buggy or the car seat (he is 14 months) and will just get more and more cranky.

So I make sure I am always home for his nap. I'd rather plan my days around him than have a miserable baby.

The way I see it is once they reach 2.5 or so they generally drop the nap anyway so I might as well enjoy it while it lasts!

DragonsAreReal · 18/08/2013 15:30

Coming home for 2 hours a day just to let them sleep sounds mad to me to. How do you ever do anything or go anywhere.

HeySoulSister · 18/08/2013 15:31

God no! Get into that mentality and you'll still be working round him when he's a teen..

LostMarbles99 · 18/08/2013 15:33

What will you do if there is ever another baby?

Your routine sounds very hard on you.

BrokenSunglasses · 18/08/2013 15:33

I don't think either of you are BU, just different, so you will have to find a compromise.

I agree with your dh in that you shouldn't have to rule your entire lives around making sure you are in in the afternoon for a 2yos nap, but if being out does make your ds get a bit whingy, then your DH should help deal with that.

It's natural to revolve everything around your PFB, but if you have more children you will soon realise that babies and toddlers don't come to any harm from having to fit in with the schedules of their older siblings. I would be very careful about putting your life on hold while you have a young child, or you will end up with your ds making his own friends while you find out that none of yours can be bothered to arrange things with you anymore.

Hercy · 18/08/2013 15:33

I think you're being unreasonable, and it may do your son good to learn to be more flexible.

I do understand why you're reluctant to deviate from his routine, when you know it works for him. But how do you know something different wont also work for him unless you try? And it's not fair on you and your husband to make your lives revolve around your son to that extent.

I think I took a similar attitude to you with my "precious first puppy". He was walked and fed on the dot and played with and napped in a continuous routine and hardly left alone at all. When something came up when we had to leave him for about 4 hours, he was absolutely fine. I think he slept the whole time, and since then I've realised that I can relax a lot of things - if he doesn't get an afternoon nap, he may just sleep later the next day. I'm not trying to liken your son to a dog, I just mean that how do you know how it'll go unless you try? It wrked for me, so whos to say it wont work for you, and your son may have a great time and give you a lie in tomorrow!

McNewPants2013 · 18/08/2013 15:34

Yanbu, this will not last for long my DD aged 4 rarely has a nap.

I would rather your time in the evening or after DC nap then have to hear a grumpy child who is over tired.

MrsDeVere · 18/08/2013 15:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StephenFrySaidSo · 18/08/2013 15:35

i'm with your DH.

if baby was a few months old then I think it would be fair to assume baby's routine dictated the day's activities but at 2? no way.

I hate to say it but it sounds very martyrish tbh.

I honestly could not imagine having to come back home every day for 2 hours so my child could sleep, and especially not at 2 years old!

leobear · 18/08/2013 15:36

To those asking what you do when there is another baby, I trained them into the same routine pronto! I have no family to help out, and to be honest I depend on the lunchtime nap period for any time at all to myself.

MrsBungle · 18/08/2013 15:37

Horses for courses but I would find it far too restrictive to have to come home for 2 hours everyday - how do you ever do a day trip?

I have a 4 yo and a 15 month old. The 15 month old sleeps twice in the day at home but if we are out, he might sleep in the car or pushchair for a bit.

But, as I say, whatever works for you although I guess you'd better try and compromise somewhat as your dh wants to do it differently.

leobear · 18/08/2013 15:38

Day trip - time it so the sleep in the car

YellowDinosaur · 18/08/2013 15:40

Sorry but its utter Bollocks to say that getting into that mentality means you'll still be working round him when he's a teen

Different things work for different children and parents, just because someone does something different to you doesn't mean they're wrong /precious. I was like this with ds2 because he was a complete horror without his sleep and wouldn't sleep properly out of the house. So not only did I have a grumpy tired child to deal with but I didn't get the 2 hours break I'd get at home.

It's only for a couple of years. I can confidently reassure you that at 5 and 7 my boys are both totally flexible and easy going and have been for a good couple of years.

Of course if your dh way of dealing with this is totally opposed to you you'll have to compromise - perhaps say that its fine to go out but that he needs to deal with the fall out. Or meet friends in the morning / afternoon / at yours instead. Or he goes and you stay at home.

Whatever works for you.

BrokenSunglasses · 18/08/2013 15:40

Leobear, what about when there's another baby and your firstborn is at school and needs picking up, or you have to go in for some event before school finishes? Or you have a doctors appointment?

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 18/08/2013 15:40

YANBU to stick to a routine that suits you most of the time.

But YABU to plan your days solely around a nap. Some days he will just not get a nap or it will be early/late or he will sleep in the car or pushchair somewhere. Because you all have a life.

You cannot never make lunch plans because the child will need a nap. You and DH must get to do things you enjoy too.

WorraLiberty · 18/08/2013 15:41

I agree with your DH

However, when I had my PFB I would have agreed with you.

There's nothing like having 3 kids to make you realise just how flexible kids can be, when they have to.

HeySoulSister · 18/08/2013 15:43

Oh dear yellowdinosaur it was a tongue in cheek comment!

Lol at your rant tho

Nancy66 · 18/08/2013 15:44

Two hour nap for a 2 year old seems a lot - but I speak as the mother of the incredible non sleeping child so I may well be out of step.

CeliaLytton · 18/08/2013 15:44

YANBU to want your toddler to be happy and well rested. Your DH is NBU to want to be able to have more flexibility at the weekends. Your DS will probably get used to being out of routine occasionally if you try it but your DH has to be willing to share the burden of the whingy child until then. It is easier in the long run if they are adaptable but sometimes you have to do whatever works for your sanity in the here and now! Good luck

FirstStopCafe · 18/08/2013 15:45

If you and your dh agreed I'd think it was fine. It's not for everyone but you need to do what works for your family. However as your dh isn't happy with how things are I think YABU. Maybe you need to try a few lunchtime trips to see if you can get him to sleep when out and about.

YellowDinosaur · 18/08/2013 15:45

Lots of cross posts... Leobear exactly about what you do with another child.

And about the day trips - it doesn't last for ever does it. So if it's something really important to do we'd time the trip so he could sleep in the car. But it's only a couple of years. So we did stuff in the mornings and afternoons and left the day trips for when the boys are now older. Day trips aren't essential and were no fun with a tired grumpy child anyway.

Not all children are flexible. Ds1 was. Ds2 wasn't. So no pfb stuff going on, just different children with different personalities.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread