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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To disagree with swimming teacher over girls having top half on show

137 replies

Charlottehere · 16/08/2013 19:00

I don't think I am. Dd, age 4 has just had her weekly swimming lesson. I couldn't find her swimming costume so put her 8 year old sister's on her. The costume was obviously big and hung down on her so one nipple was exposed. Shock.

While dd was in her lesson, a member of the admin staff called me into the office. I was told that female swimming teacher was worried that the male teacher would be embarrassed and it wasn't fair that dd swimming costume was too big and could I make sure she had one that fit next time.

I told him I thought that was ridiculous and have no issue with a 4 year old being uncovered at a swimming pool.

What do you think?

OP posts:

NapaCab · 16/08/2013 19:02

So the admin staff prioritize the needs of adult male staff over children, do they? I couldn't give a hoot if an adult male is uncomfortable. All that matters is whether your daughter was embarrassed or uncomfortable. If she felt fine wearing a too-big swimsuit then there's no issue.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 16/08/2013 19:04

YANBU. It is fucking madness with stuff like this. DS has to wear a vest under his judo kit even in the height of summer for "safeguarding reasons". Load of bollocks. I can understand the girls in his judo class wanting to do that (aged 7 -11), but boys? FFS.

Same comment applies to the swimming instructor: FFS!

SirChenjin · 16/08/2013 19:04

He feels uncomfortable about seeing a 4 year old's nipple? I think he's the one with the problem tbh.

gordyslovesheep · 16/08/2013 19:04

yabu - it's not about YOU minding is it? For whatever reason the staff where not happy about it

It's a lesson - she should have been wearing the correct clothing

mine often go topless or naked on the beach ...but not for a swimming lesson

JustBecauseICan · 16/08/2013 19:05

Of course it's silly, but the male instructor, sadly has to cover his back here.

The paedo-noics could have a field day sadly with a little girl being "seen" by a male instructor.

Sad indictment of the way some people feel today.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 16/08/2013 19:05

Yes, that's the other thing - what the fuck is an adult male getting uncomfortable about seeing the chest of a 4 yr old girl????? Jesus Christ! HE is the one with the problem!!

Original poster

Charlottehere · 16/08/2013 19:05

Thanks for replies, thought so. Dd wasn't bothered.

OP posts:

defineme · 16/08/2013 19:05

I would email management company and ask what their policy is because that's ridiculous. I would be fine if my dd went in in just pants-she often does at the beach. On the continent little girls just wear bottoms like the boys do. I can't see why a 4 yrolds nipples would offend anyone.

FannyFifer · 16/08/2013 19:06

Wtf, my 3 and a half year old DD usually just wears swim shorts in the pool, was just in a swim nappy previous to being toilet trained.

gordyslovesheep · 16/08/2013 19:08

but if, as with out lessons, the staff are IN THE POOL and handling the children I can see why he may worry about accusations = staff have to protect themselves

Squitten · 16/08/2013 19:09

YANBU. Bear in mind, the admin told you this, NOT the teacher. I doubt the male teacher would think twice about it.

What they really meant, but couldn't say, was that they are terrified of being accused of all sorts by some utterly paranoid parent.

Original poster

Charlottehere · 16/08/2013 19:09

Define me, seriously considering that.

OP posts:

JustBecauseICan · 16/08/2013 19:09

OP says it was a female member of staff who thought the bloke might be embarrassed so let's not prove our own points here by having him hung drawn and castrated shall we?

They will have been through rigorous child protection training (as I did myself a month ago) and sadly, will have been told that a naked/exposed child is not something to be allowed. The same would be said if it were a boy with no trunks and a male or female instructor.

Think of this scenario...what would the paedo-noics make of "my 4 yr old's cozzie top slipped and the instructor didn't say anything! He was clearly looking at her nipples!" Same scenario- different viewpoint.

No harm done and all that.

Original poster

Charlottehere · 16/08/2013 19:10

Squitten, the femail teacher told the admin staff to tell me

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 16/08/2013 19:10

yes this What they really meant, but couldn't say, was that they are terrified of being accused of all sorts by some utterly paranoid parent sadly

Original poster

Charlottehere · 16/08/2013 19:11

What's the difference in a 4 year old boy having his top half exposed and a 4 year old girl?

OP posts:

froken · 16/08/2013 19:11

yanbu! I think you should point out that the boys have exactly the same sort of nipples as yuor dd so they should be in some sort of victorian chest covering get up!

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou · 16/08/2013 19:12

People need to show they have safeguarding in place though. Isn't 'embarrassed' code for 'fears accusation of inappropriate touching'?

I once saw a male instructor go into a panic when a little girl (3ish) got out of the pool and stripped. Parents were on a balcony and he called over a female instructor to help her get dressed again. I don't think he was embarrassed by her nipples, I think he was worried that he would be accused of something. I think men working with kids do need to to err on the side of caution to protect themselves, as do the institutions they work for, and saying that they have a problem isn't really helpful.

Squitten · 16/08/2013 19:12

Yeah, I know. I meant that the man himself hasn't actually expressed this opinion. All you've heard is a load of paranoia from other people so don't blame him!

frogspoon · 16/08/2013 19:13

I think this was probably done more to protect the swimming teacher than your daughter.

Anyone who works with children or other vulnerable people is at risk of being falsely accused of any inappropriate behaviour. Even if these accusations are later proven to be completely false, the long term consequences can be devastating.

Sorry OP, but you'll have to go with it.

Original poster

Charlottehere · 16/08/2013 19:15

Frog spoon, I will making sure dd is wearing a well fitting swim suit from now on -tempted to send dd in bikin bottoms next week--

OP posts:

JustBecauseICan · 16/08/2013 19:15

What's the difference? Sadly in our society the same difference that means people might giggle a bit if I got my tits out in Asda, but blokes are free to do so.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 16/08/2013 19:15

Point taken by PPs who have mentioned erring on the side of caution by male (and female) instructors. Still, it makes me very cross. (And I am in a right mood tonight, so even more sweary and ranty than usual).

ChippingInHopHopHop · 16/08/2013 19:16

I was told that female swimming teacher was worried that the male teacher would be embarrassed

So, let's not drag the male teacher into this... he quite possibly wouldn't have even noticed.

Next week, I'd take her in bottoms only and if anyone says anything - I'd ask them to define the difference in a male and female torso at that age.

Fucking idiots.

Boy with no trunks is not the same as a girl with a loose top.

Original poster

Charlottehere · 16/08/2013 19:16

Just because, your tits are different to a mans body...4 year olds the same

OP posts:

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