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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To disagree with swimming teacher over girls having top half on show

137 replies

Charlottehere · 16/08/2013 19:00

I don't think I am. Dd, age 4 has just had her weekly swimming lesson. I couldn't find her swimming costume so put her 8 year old sister's on her. The costume was obviously big and hung down on her so one nipple was exposed. Shock.

While dd was in her lesson, a member of the admin staff called me into the office. I was told that female swimming teacher was worried that the male teacher would be embarrassed and it wasn't fair that dd swimming costume was too big and could I make sure she had one that fit next time.

I told him I thought that was ridiculous and have no issue with a 4 year old being uncovered at a swimming pool.

What do you think?

OP posts:

Smartiepants79 · 16/08/2013 19:24

Can I point out that the male teacher has actually neither said nor done anything.
His colleague has chosen to raise the issue. We have no way of knowing if he is uncomfortable with this or not.
I have no problem with small girls wearing whatever they choose but I have read threads on here with many people pulling this face at small children running about on the beach with just pants on so everyone feels differently about these things.
The swimming instructor is just covering themselves. One stupid accusation from one hysterical parent can end their career.

MollyBerry · 16/08/2013 19:36

I don't understand at 4 why girls can't wear just trunks like boys.

FannyFifer · 16/08/2013 19:37

My DD does just wear shorts, likes being the same as her brothers

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou · 16/08/2013 19:42

Maybe the pool doesn't want to get involved in setting an age whereby girls should cover their chests so they have a blanket rule, esp for lessons.

Iamsparklyknickers · 16/08/2013 19:46

Are you sure the swimming costume actually covered her torso completely?

If it was big enough to hang down when she was dry I can well imagine the legs moving around in the water, getting in and out etc. In general public pools aren't beaches and they have dress codes usually, so as well as a colleague pointing out that the instructor may be uncomfortable (doubt he'd want a little boy wearing too-big trunks that kept falling down either) she was right to point out an ill-fitting suit wasn't fair either.

Not to mention kids are silly - bum flashers could cause no end of giggling distractions which you don't want to deal with when you're trying to control a group of kids in the pool.

mayorquimby · 16/08/2013 19:46

Was ready to weigh in against those berating the lad who's done nothing but see its been covered

Emilythornesbff · 16/08/2013 19:58

I agree with Ithinkofhappy that this seems like a (quite understandable imho) way of avoiding having to set an age limit for "nipple exposure"

A bit that a woman would worry about a man being embarrassed though. Projecting??

Emilythornesbff · 16/08/2013 20:00

OK for teachers to make us (at school in the 70s) wear vest and knickers though when we forgot our PE kit

pianodoodle · 16/08/2013 20:03

Better wearing the too-big cossie and having chest on show than putting them in a bikini which simply draws attention to something that isn't even there yet.

Turniptwirl · 16/08/2013 21:33

4 year old nipples are the same whether their owner is male or female surely?

I could understand if it was an older girl edging towards puberty but not old enough to be conscious of these things, but a four year old?

I suspect the male teacher had no problem and the female staff member was just weird.

As long as she could move freely, wasn't in danger if catching any loose fabric on anything and was comfortable then I don't see what the problem is

x2boys · 16/08/2013 21:39

male staff probably would not be embarrased but with the whole safeguarding /paedophilia worries [very overated in my opinion ]he may be concerned ?

meditrina · 16/08/2013 21:39

And perhaps they were also concerned that a too-big swimsuit will not stay put on the body, and at the instructor (whether male or female) wants to teach swimming, not deal with clothing malfunctions?

VikingVagine · 16/08/2013 21:42

DD is almost four, when she goes swimming with the school (we're in France) costumes are optional, the little ones who don't go naked, only ever wear bikini bottoms. Girls here often don't cover their nipples until they hit puberty. No one bats an eyelid.

BrokenSunglasses · 16/08/2013 21:59

They didn't say the male teacher was uncomfortable, they were said they were worried he might be. There's a difference. Hopefully the teacher was a normal human being who wouldn't have thought twice about the size of your dds costume and someone was just taking their safeguarding responsibilities a bit over the top.

It's crazy, but I'd just give your daughter a swimming costume that fits.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 16/08/2013 22:22

Are you sure it was just her nipple she was flashing? I imagine it would have been big around the crotch too. That said, YANBU.

KissMeHardy · 16/08/2013 22:25

A bit confused that a woman would worry about a man being embarrassed though. Projecting??

Got the wrong letter there...........proTecting, more like, Emily

namechangesforthehardstuff · 16/08/2013 22:34

DD always just wears the bottom half of a two piece. She's 3. I can't see why she would wear the top half until she gets close to puberty or she decided to change it. Think this is absolutely bizarre

Actually though it's probably just what happens when you put stupid people in charge of safeguarding...

Fairyegg · 16/08/2013 23:15

Surely a costume for an 8 year old put on a 4 year old it too big all over? I imagine she was displaying more than a nipple whilst swimming which mainly isn't fair on her, but it also puts the swimming instructors, male and female, in a very vulnerable position. I think you are missing the point that they were politely trying to make.

x2boys · 16/08/2013 23:16

I do agree namechange I mean how can any prepubescent child be offensive my last comment was realy about the hysteria oversafe garding

namechangesforthehardstuff · 16/08/2013 23:21

Fairyegg have you missed the fact that she's 4?

DD spends most of her life stark.bollock naked standing on her head with her legs in horizontal splits. But that's OK, nothing is being 'displayed' 'cos she's a baby

Fairyegg · 16/08/2013 23:32

No I haven't. My point Is she's in a swimming pool with presumely other children, parents and instructors being able to see her. Sadly nowadays the instructors have to protect themselves and the public against potential allegations. Besides anything else it can't of been comfortable or easy for her to swim in a costume that is far to big for her.

Smartiepants79 · 16/08/2013 23:33

This is not about whether a 4 year old body is offensive.
fairyegg is right.
This is about a teacher protecting themselves from accusations.
It is unfair to put them in that position.
What yr 4 year old does whilst they are with you or in your home is irrelevant.
If your child was allowed to strip naked and stand on her head while at preschool/nursery/childminders you would (probably) be upset.
It is not appropriate whilst they are in someone else's (non-family) care.

5madthings · 16/08/2013 23:39

Yanbu, my dd only wears bottoms, I just bought her swim pants as she is newly potty trained and a costume is a pita. She will just wear swim pants until she wants a costume or is old enough to need a top.

pigletmania · 16/08/2013 23:43

Yanbu at all madness!

NoComet · 16/08/2013 23:44

It's one thing to state all girls wear full costumes for lessons and hence not have to set an arbitrary age for wearing a top.

But complaining about a clearly accidental one off wearing of big sisters costume is down right stupid.

We have, new complicated safe guarding rules for going to the loo in gym classes, DD2 and her DF think they are insane. I very much doubt they obey them.

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