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AIBU?

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Original poster

What's so offensive about breast feeding in public?

191 replies

TylerHopkins · 16/08/2013 18:50

So, I'm watching the evening news with the updates on the breast feeding in the swimming pool story and Angela Epstein appears saying 'people should be considerate of breast feeding mothers however these mothers need to be aware that some people might find what they're doing as offensive'

Another viewer text in to say BFing in public is obscene.

AIBU to ask anyone out there that shares these views to please explain to me why it's offensive? Who are these offended people? Please don't be afraid of coming forward and admitting it if you feel like this. I need an offended person to explain this to me because I really can't get my head around it.

OP posts:
MyDarlingClementine · 16/08/2013 23:24

breast milk is the last bodily fluid I would worry about being in the bloody water!Q crickey, a teeny drop of BM compared to god knows what else goes in the water!

I am EBF and almost hoping someone tackles me over it.

HaveIGotPoosForYou · 16/08/2013 23:56

How ridiculous.

Of course you should be able to breastfeed wherever you want.

Breasts are made for feeding babies, not for mens titillation (no pun intended). They are attractive to men so they want to make babies with the woman, evolution-wise.

If someone came into my house and didn't like my breastfeeding DD I would tell them to go into another room. Simple.

If they still complained, I'd let their arse smack the door on the way out. Because they have no right to tell me what to do in my own house unless I was physically harming them.

I think it's worrying if someone is so disturbed by breastfeeding. It makes me think there may be something traumatic from their childhood or something that has made them feel that way.

Yes, breasts can be seen as sexual to a man. So if you are a man:
a) think about it's actual use when you see it and
b) look away or fiddling with your phone or whatever you fancy doing.
This is if you are uncomfortable, of course.

I can't see why another woman would be offended by breastfeeding to be honest. But if she was I'd say she should do the same as above. Also I'd ask them to think why is it so offensive to them. To really, really examine that question. I can guarantee most wont actually know what it is that bothers them about it.

It just infuriates me that I would have to withhold feeding by baby because someone was offended. I just don't really get it, sorry.

ICBINEG · 16/08/2013 23:57

I feel inspired to design a BF 'shawl' to be worn by anyone finding the sight of BFing offensive (think across between a dunce cap and a wimple with drawable eye shielding).

Or maybe a paper bag....

Can you imagine sitting handing them out to lemon suckers...one for you...one for you...one for you.....annnnnd out with the boob.

ICBINEG · 17/08/2013 00:05

Has anyone actually come up with a reason NOT to feed a baby in a swimming pool? I mean one that makes sense?

I can see:

Baby swallowing water
wrong answer: unless you are going to ban babies from pool altogether

Milk in water
wrong answer: unless you ban pregnant/BFing women from pool

I'd rather sit at the side/I wouldn't want to/my baby could wait
wrong answer: unless you assume everyone has the same preference as you / same baby as you - egomaniac much?

I don't want to see it
wrong answer: because EYELIDS you idiot.

Anything else?

pianodoodle · 17/08/2013 07:23

domino

If I go to a friend's house and she gives her baby a bottle is she doing it to make a point or to feed the baby?

FridaKarlov · 17/08/2013 09:28

Breastfeeding is more than just about feeding, it's a good way to comfort a baby if they're scared or stressed. I understand the baby in this story was a bit older, maybe that's what the mum was doing it for.

I got some very rude staring from a sour faced old French lady when I was feeding my daughter in public once. She didn't say anything but was obviously disapproving but would not stop staring! The baby was covered up with a muslin so she could see jack shit.

inneedofsomehelpplz · 17/08/2013 10:02

I am married to a muslim & live in London (Muslim area) & it is frowned upon to bf so i dont do it in my area.

5madthings · 17/08/2013 10:18

Really inneed as am pretty sure bfeeding is recommended in the quaran (sp) and in the middle east and countries where women have to dress modestly/be covered the one thing they do is bfeed publically, its not an issue at all.

inneedofsomehelpplz · 17/08/2013 10:26

bf for muslims is never done in front of a man who is not your dh but i bf in other areas (more western) & i accept this being western as this is their culture :-) my dh is muslim but westernised as his family is not :-)

5madthings · 17/08/2013 10:34

If you Google Muslim women do bfeed in public it is actually more accepted in may Muslim countries than it is in countries like america, many use covers but they still bfeed in public.

strawberrypie · 17/08/2013 10:47

Thinking about this tiptoeing around people who feel uncomfortable about breastfeeding.....in my mind I can't separate it from making allowances for other prejudices arising from lack of education or empathy eg racism or homophobia-please don't act as if you are gay in front of him, he won't like it-surely you can just do it at home?

Any any anti-breastfeeding attitudes should be challenged (by those who feel strong enough) or how is society going to change for the better?

Growlithe · 17/08/2013 10:57

I don't think it needs to be 'challenged' as such with protests like the one we have just seen. I think that kind of protest is required if it was actually illegal, or if people were getting assaulted (as was/is the case with homophobia and racism).

I think in the case of breastfeeding in public, the best thing to do is just keep doing it. Few people would actually challenge a breastfeeding woman, by virtue of the fact that they would look like an arse. Most sane peope actually wouldn't notice or wouldn't bat an eyelid these days.

It's no big deal and making a big deal of it makes it a big deal.

thebody · 17/08/2013 11:06

noone ever said anything negative to me outside and I bf all mine everywhere.

I did bf my dd on a plane and she unexpectedly pulled off, the milk spurted out and hit the back of the man in front right in his bald head. caused much merriment.

I always wanted someone to say something to me so I could let rip but they never did.

quite annoying really.

LongTailedTit · 17/08/2013 11:45

The Best Defence - Grow Up

TroublesomeEx · 17/08/2013 12:06

I went on a date last night. I'm not really sure how it came up (not something I'd normally expect to come up on a first date Confused ) but the man I was with made a reference to breast feeding (!) in which it was clear he just assumed I had done it because he knows I have children.

Not all men have an issue with it - he comes from a large family and, presumably, just grew up with it around him.

My children talk about BF with the assumption that it's how their children will be fed (one of each) so hopefully it will be different in the next generation.

Having said that, the only negative comments I ever received were from my parents and my dad's wife! Never from members of the public when people just told me it was lovely to see, and old ladies often patted DS on the head!

I'm very pro BF but there is something about BF in the pool that I'm not comfortable with. On the bench at the side, I wouldn't think anything of it (may even have done it myself) but in the water itself just seems a bit unnecessary.

Goldmandra · 17/08/2013 12:26

General attitudes will only improve when people are told to keep their ridiculous 'offence' to themselves and not pandered to when they try to impose their backward views on other people.

The more people see BFing happening around them the more acceptable it will become and the more BF mothers will feel able to do it where it is right for their baby.

nennypops · 17/08/2013 12:45

The thing that gets me is that every time there is story about BF in the Daily Mail you will get a number of idiots saying words to the effect of "So what if BF is natural, so is defecating and urinating, you wouldn't expect to do that in public, would you?" as if that were the end of the argument Just how sick do you have to be to be unable to discern the difference between breast milk and urine and faeces?

Bunnygotwhacked · 17/08/2013 14:58

See i don't think i could bf whilst swimming or afterwards without having a bit of a wash down first due to the above mentioned bodily fluids and chlorine floating around in there wouldn't want baby getting more than was accidental in it's mouth.
As an above poster said you are not supposed to swim for an hour after eating and what would all that water pressure do on a babies tummy whilst they were trying to feed it doesn't seem the best idea.
The age old solution to people offended by bfing just don't look.

Dominodonkey · 17/08/2013 15:03

piano

It is not the breatfeeding that is making the point but refusing reasonable requests to do it discretely if it Is causing embarrassment.

The amount of posts on here where people seem to be willing the public to comment or disapprove so they can have a go shows that for some it is a political act.

binhome · 17/08/2013 15:24

Breasfeeding itsef is obscene.
It ignites lesbian forces in baby girls and overstimulates sexual desire in boy babies.

Obviously not my views but on church forum in Americia I think.
Probably the most shocking thing I have ever read about breastfeeding.

mindyourownbusiness · 17/08/2013 15:33

The strange thing is - I breastfed my own children , many years ago so I am definitely pro breastfeeding but I would never do it in public and even in my own home if for example one of my husbands friends was in the house or my own parents or my p-I-ls. I would go upstairs. I would no more do this than sunbathe topless in front of them or wear a really really low cut dress when visiting them.
Breasts are sexualised in our society whether one likes it or not and are quite rightly imo a part of our body that we tell our daughters to keep covered. So there will always be contradiction around breastfeeding in public.
Also I actually disagree that breasts being seen as sexual is 'wrong' and there is only one natural use for them i.e. breastfeeding.
Men on a primal level are attracted to womens breasts among other factors as a sign of a potentially fertile partner etc etc. That's how it all begins or there would be no babies to feed and no debate Grin
.

peteypiranha · 17/08/2013 15:35

I have breastfed any time and anywhere. I couldnt care less if you see my boobs or are offended as thats the persons hang ups not mind. Some people are strange about boobs for some weird reason.

binhome · 17/08/2013 15:44

I remember when ds1 was tiny. I was still quite shy about feeding so wanted privacy. I had to go to another town by bus. Ended up feeding ds discreetly on the bus. Than I tried to find a nursing room in the stores. Local supermarket said use the baby changing which is effectively a toilet. A toilet where trollies weren't welcome for hygiene reasons but it was ok to feed my baby.. Boots disn't have anywhere. Ended up feeding on a park bench.
Now I don't care and will feed anywher. I have done poolside seats many times.
Never in the pool but I see no reason why a quick 2 minute comfort feed would be a problem. I suppose I do get that the baby could posset in pool after a full feed but that would be the only reason. Although the lifeguards in Manchester dudn't thnk pool seating was ok either.

motherinferior · 17/08/2013 15:45

Oh yes, breasts are definitely sexual. Gorgeously so. I am never averse to a low neckline - and I think it's just casuistry to argue that they're not sexy and gorgeous.

They are also for feeding babies.

The only person who got uptight about my breastfeeding was my uptight BIL who can't get a girlfriend.

pianodoodle · 17/08/2013 15:53

Domino

I don't deem them to be reasonable requests, especially in my own home.

Why should I be made to feel uncomfortable about what I'm doing? It's a lot harder sometimes to get comfy and settled to bf esp. Just after giving birth. You see nothing anyway, so if someone else feels uncomfortable they need to sort that out themselves and either move or whatever they need to do to make themselves comfortable.

I don't need to do anything.