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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What's so offensive about breast feeding in public?

191 replies

TylerHopkins · 16/08/2013 18:50

So, I'm watching the evening news with the updates on the breast feeding in the swimming pool story and Angela Epstein appears saying 'people should be considerate of breast feeding mothers however these mothers need to be aware that some people might find what they're doing as offensive'

Another viewer text in to say BFing in public is obscene.

AIBU to ask anyone out there that shares these views to please explain to me why it's offensive? Who are these offended people? Please don't be afraid of coming forward and admitting it if you feel like this. I need an offended person to explain this to me because I really can't get my head around it.

OP posts:

lifeissweet · 16/08/2013 19:16

I'm with ICBINEG. I went for a swim when DD was 6 months old and I was still EBFing. I can say for certain I was probably leaking milk into the pool. Sorry folks!

People are squeamish about it because it's all done so privately and discretely. DD was my second child, but my DP's first. In the beginning, when we went anywhere he used to say: 'What if she gets hungry? You're not going to...you know?...(nods head in the direction of my chest).'

Of course I took the piss out of him for being ridiculous. Especially after I'd done it a few times and he hadn't even noticed.

When I quizzed him about his bizarre attitude, he just said he had never been around breastfeeding. He'd never seen anyone do it, so it was just alien to him. I think there's something a bit wrong in the world if a 32 year old man has never been aware of women breastfeeding before.

Original poster

TylerHopkins · 16/08/2013 19:17

Every time I've seen a BFing mum I've genuinely not realised what she's doing because it's so discreet. I'll be staring at the baby thinking how cute it is then realise it's actually attached to the nipple. I feel awkward then just in case mum thinks I'm staring with disapproval. I couldn't possibly feel offended though, it just such a beautiful and natural thing.

OP posts:

PresidentServalan · 16/08/2013 19:18

My first link on MN and its the Dm! Hope I don't get banned for it! Check out the 'worst rated' for a typical balanced DM reader view!

Growlithe · 16/08/2013 19:20

I think a swimming pool is a fairly odd place to feed a baby really. When feeding (and admittedly I struggled with BF and ended up FF), I always enjoyed getting comfortable, warm, cosy and cuddly with the baby and I couldn't have done that in a pool.

PresidentServalan · 16/08/2013 19:20

I think it's more likely to be offensive to those who have never been bf, it is less likely to seem natural, iykwim?

WorraLiberty · 16/08/2013 19:21

I've done that loads of time Tyler and not realised the baby is breast feeding

I remember someone posting once that they were BFing on a train, and a man was apparently 'leering' at her with a smile on his face.

I pointed out that he could well have been simply smiling at the baby, not realising it was feeding.

quoteunquote · 16/08/2013 19:21

over the years I have come to the conclusion it is abuse,

I was once asked to go into a british rail loo on a train to feed a tiny baby, I ended up making the guard and the man who complained about me discreetly feeding my son, get in the suggested loo, and offered them sandwiches, (there was a breast feeding thread a while ago, that had lots of examples of this kind of thing, I put it on there)

I have seen a lot of women intimidated out of feeding their babies,

my sister ended up with a vile man, who entire family abused her for being disgusting because she was breast feeding, all of her sister in laws were made to stop, she is still getting abuse for breast feeding, she lives somewhere it considered not normal,

If someone bullies a mother into not feeding their baby and makes her so self conscious she is doesn't breast feed the baby, then that is abuse.

seensomuch · 16/08/2013 19:21

nobody cares if you are breast feeding , but its not ok get them out anywhere , in a swimming pool is not ok , your baby might want them in its face but not everybody does .

KatieLily12 · 16/08/2013 19:23

It must have been a little baby. Mine is 9 months and at full boob surfing age. She'd never have managed a drop of milk with the distraction of a POOL!

No I don't get it either. Stupid and ignorant and a bit fetish really.

mrsminiverscharlady · 16/08/2013 19:23

I think Stephen Fry's quote sums up my feelings on this:

"It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what."

PresidentServalan · 16/08/2013 19:26

quote But you are actually talking about abuse and control in your sister's situation - someone who is grossed out by it but doesn't say anything can hardly be put in the same category.

lifeissweet · 16/08/2013 19:26

I agree that it's abuse, quote. I don't know how we go about normalising it so that no one is put off feeding their babies. It shouldn't be only the more resilient and assertive women who get to feed their babies.

Having said that, I can honestly say that no one ever made me feel uncomfortable about feeding either of mine - and I did it everywhere (although not actually in a swimming pool!) I think it party helped that I didn't feel my breasts were in any was sexual objects at the time, so couldn't imagine anyone wanting to 'leer' at them (and it they did I would have been baffled and mildly amused) If anything, I only had positive comments.

Original poster

TylerHopkins · 16/08/2013 19:27

quote that's shocking. I'm just waiting for the day anyone has a go at a BFing mum in front of me. All hell will break loose

worra I really hope the man on the train was looking at the baby. The thought of someone getting off on BFing makes my skin crawl.

OP posts:

lifeissweet · 16/08/2013 19:27

Why, seensomuch?

WorraLiberty · 16/08/2013 19:28

nobody cares if you are breast feeding , but its not ok get them out anywhere , in a swimming pool is not ok , your baby might want them in its face but not everybody does

Fuck me, how close do you think people were swimming for her tits to get in anyone's face?

littlemisswise · 16/08/2013 19:28

I read a comment on the DM online about the lady BF in the pool. The twat bloke wrote it wasn't "culturally acceptable" to do it in this civilised country!.

I don't even notice people BF in public!

Original poster

TylerHopkins · 16/08/2013 19:30

seensomuch

why is it not ok to get 'them' out anywhere? Especially when 'they' are being brought out for their intended purpose?

OP posts:

MrsBW · 16/08/2013 19:30

It's not offensive but I do find the choice of location a little strange.

It's not as though whipping out a jar of Cow and Gate in a swimming pool would be seen as the done thing to do, is it? (Genuine question....)

WorraLiberty · 16/08/2013 19:30

worra I really hope the man on the train was looking at the baby. The thought of someone getting off on BFing makes my skin crawl.

Yes but it works both ways doesn't it?

I'm all for women BFing wherever they please

But it pisses me off when they accuse men of 'leering' at them without even considering they might just be smiling at the beautiful sight of a baby feeding from its mother.

If the 'leerer' happened to have a vagina, I doubt the thread would even have been started.

Original poster

TylerHopkins · 16/08/2013 19:31

Fair point worra

OP posts:

Bakingtins · 16/08/2013 19:33

BF actually in the pool is unreasonable though, isn't it? I fully support your right to breastfeed anywhere it would be ok to eat a cheese sandwich, or drink a bottle of formula, neither of which would be ok in the swimming pool. Why couldn't she sit on a bench at the side or go into the changing rooms or the cafe like a normal person? (veteran of many a post-swim breastfeed)

KissMeHardy · 16/08/2013 19:33

Look, men do NOT see boobs as a feeding station......to them boobs are sexual, and that is a fact no amount of ranting and raving will alter.

You get them out to feed your baby and you are surprised men look? Well, I'm dumbfounded at your stupidity in thinking they won't !!!

Original poster

TylerHopkins · 16/08/2013 19:33

MrsBW I agree that the swimming pool is an unusual place to do it but I suppose if the baby is hungry it's best to feed him/her so that they can get on with the activity without the baby crying for food. Just a thought.

OP posts:

Original poster

TylerHopkins · 16/08/2013 19:36

KissMeHardy. I think you have misunderstood the thread. It's not an attack on men but on general attitudes to breast feeding in public.

OP posts:

Joiningthegang · 16/08/2013 19:36

Angela Epstein is a bit of prudish mysoginist who will say ridiculous things Si she can pay her mortgage

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