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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What's so offensive about breast feeding in public?

191 replies

TylerHopkins · 16/08/2013 18:50

So, I'm watching the evening news with the updates on the breast feeding in the swimming pool story and Angela Epstein appears saying 'people should be considerate of breast feeding mothers however these mothers need to be aware that some people might find what they're doing as offensive'

Another viewer text in to say BFing in public is obscene.

AIBU to ask anyone out there that shares these views to please explain to me why it's offensive? Who are these offended people? Please don't be afraid of coming forward and admitting it if you feel like this. I need an offended person to explain this to me because I really can't get my head around it.

OP posts:
Growlithe · 16/08/2013 21:51

Well done Ninjahero. Pop those words in your spelling book, I think you might get a sticker. Smile

OooohShiny · 16/08/2013 21:54

I was told to cover up as someone might see whilst I was attempting my first breastfeed in the maternity unit, I was already struggling and just wanted toget the hang of it...not. Be told off by a midwife Sad

pianodoodle · 16/08/2013 21:56

Ffs in the maternity unit?! That's just beyond the pale.

x2boys · 16/08/2013 21:57

I hope that was a long time ago shiney?

pianodoodle · 16/08/2013 22:00

If that's the worst thing anyone catches a glimpse of in the maternity unit they should count themselves lucky!

OooohShiny · 16/08/2013 22:00

Sadly it was less than a year ago. Her reasoning was that there were families in visiting.

Attitudes like that need to be addressed, if a woman can't feel comfortable breastfeeding here how will she keep on?

BeCool · 16/08/2013 22:03

A few drops of breast milk in the pool really misses with the urine/snot/sweat balance.

I've never seen an older person offended by BF. the ones I've encountered think its a wonderful sight to see a baby feeding so happily.

The two personal negative "attacks" I've received have been from mortified 30 something childless women. I was hugely surprised that they would feel I gave even the slightest fuck about their opinion on the subject.

On the whole though when people have made any comment to me about it, they have been very supportive.

Cravingdairy · 16/08/2013 22:03

If you haven't already, I would complain Shiny.

pianodoodle · 16/08/2013 22:04

That is just....Shock

Who writes to the hospital to complain that someone was bf in a maternity unit?!?!

Littleen · 16/08/2013 22:06

Where I live, you are looked upon weirdly if you bottlefeed your baby. Breastfeeding is very much encouraged and expected. Personally though, I think it belongs out of the pool. Don't want other ladies breastmilk in my swimming water, and surely the baby doesn't want swimmingpool-flavoured milk?!

Dominodonkey · 16/08/2013 22:09

In the swimming pool case I think the answer is clear - you wouldn't drink or eat anything else in a swimming pool so why breastfeed? This seems especially pertinent when the child in question was over a year old.

I do think the whole issue is a little more complex than some people make out though. Some people do feel embarrassed if someone breast feeds in front of them and the breasts are visible (note I say embarrassed, not disgusted). It might be a natural thing but people's feelings are feel.

The person above who was shocked as someone IN HER OWN HOME asked her to cover up... surely it is discourteous to make a guest feel uncomfortable? That is manners to me. Would it have actually hurt you to cover up a little?

BeCool · 16/08/2013 22:11

I'm amazed at all the people who think it wrong to bf in the pool. Or anywhere at all.

Anyway your feelings and opinions on the subject are not important. Read the Stephen Fry quote up thread.

If a woman want to breast feed in a swimming pool she is perfectly within her rights and remit to do so. She has nothing to justify to anyone.

How anyone else feels about it is purely their problem. And they are free to choose to leave.

x2boys · 16/08/2013 22:14

that's terrible I did nt breasdfeed but I thought marenity units were all for breastfeeding I hope you complained? to the trust?

x2boys · 16/08/2013 22:15

that would be maternity units

Littleen · 16/08/2013 22:16

Just to mention, as I saw someone saying that not BF in the pool would cause more milk in the pool, all I am suggesting is to perhaps sit on the edge of the pool? Just seems a bit awkward to me to BF in a pool :P would be the same in the sea, seems like a weird location - I'd go up and sit on the beach instead I think!

YouJustMetTheAlphaParent · 16/08/2013 22:20

Some of those commenting on the story seem to have missed the point completely, which is that whatever your personal feelings about the appropriateness or not of breastfeeding in a public swimming pool, women's rights not to be harassed or victimised for doing so are enshrined in law.

There are no health and safety issues in a public swimming pool to qualify as an exception under the legislation. If we're concerned about breastmilk getting in the water, all lactating mums should be stopped from swimming in case they leak. I'm also wondering why when breastfeeding we would expect milk to be pooling around the mother in the water, er no it's going into baby!

Babies can puke anytime, even an hour or two after a feed. If the mum is leaving the area to feed as expected and then returning with baby, he may still vomit.

When attached to the breast the baby forms a seal, there is less likelihood of them ingesting water than when they're swimming in it. Baby swimming classes involve submerging both mouth and nose under water, yet I've never heard anyone express concern that is unhygienic.

pianodoodle · 16/08/2013 22:25

I'm not going to tiptoe around other people's potential embarrassment. It can be tricky enough getting out and about without having to factor in who may or may not take offence along the way.

5madthings · 16/08/2013 22:30

Ooh I was tempted to post this thread after all the drama over bfeeding the last few days!

The writer on the Jeremy vine show who said you should cover up with a little shawl...ha ha none of mine would ever be covered! Fine if you and your baby want to use a cover bit not everyone wants to or can.

Bfeeding is fine anywhere and is a legally protected right. People need to get a grip!

Even my dp got ranty listening to the jv show and my 13(almost 14) ur old was utterly bemused as to why bfeeding in public should be an issue, he is at a prime age for getting embarrassed etc but he sees bfeeding as normal, if a baby is hungry or needs comfort then it needs it, end of.

5madthings · 16/08/2013 22:31

domino the baby in question (in the Manchester pool that has been in the press was four months old, tho she also had a 17mth old toddler with her). Age doestn matter tho, bfeeding is fine.

TylerHopkins · 16/08/2013 22:39

The person above who was shocked as someone IN HER OWN HOME asked her to cover up... surely it is discourteous to make a guest feel uncomfortable? That is manners to me. Would it have actually hurt you to cover up a little?

Seriously?

They wouldn't be welcome in my home again.

OP posts:
MrsMook · 16/08/2013 22:55

I swore at the radio when that women blathered about discretion and covers.

If my friend who had been BFing her DC for a year can post a picture of me "hugging" baby on FB without realising what I was doing, then I can't be causing many people embarrasment or offence.

DS2 was fed poolside a few weeks ago. At 3m, feeds are still random and frequent. It was a 30 min swiming lesson for DS1 (2) , and DS2 was in the car seat poolside, so when he got angsty, DS1 and I came out of the water sat on the bench and DS2 had a 5min feed. We were then able to resume the session. DS2 will have lessons in the same pool from next month, and the most practical option is to get out and feed at the side again rather than going for a cold trip through the shower zone, to the cold changing rooms. With DS1 in tow, a lot of time would be wasted, and he'd be very likely to tantrum as he'd think his lesson was finishing early. Dealing with two screaming infants on wet floors doesn't seem like a safe idea to me.

Maybe in a leisure pool like Centre Parcs, feeding in the pool could be more tempting where you have seating areas. I wear a halter neck tankini and pulling the material to the side is no different to a shirt or drop down vest.

I've never yet picked up on a negative vibe when feeding in public. I've had occasional knowing smiles and that's it. Possibly the person least comfortable has been DM. She was from the FF era and had no support at her short attempts to BF, and hiding upstairs seemed to be expected. She has got more used to it with time.

I think a lot of it is about "knowing". No one knows if I'm leaking milk in a pool, and no one goes "Eww". People aren't offended if they don't realise you're feeding, it's when they know. From other peoples' reports of very negative family, a lot of it seems to be about control, and the mother not "sharing" the baby.

Dominodonkey · 16/08/2013 22:57

Tyler

I just think it's impolite to make guests feel uncomfortable and am more concerned about other's feelings than I would be about making a point.

I don't think that's ridiculous at all.

5madthings · 16/08/2013 23:00

Cover up what exactly?when baby is latched on you can't see anything! And none off my babies would tolerate being covered with anything, not even a muslin cloth. My babies com fort is FAR more important than anybody else's comfort, they can leave/look elsewhere.

BeCool · 16/08/2013 23:11

domino BF your baby anywhere isn't making a point - and certainly not in your own home.

If someone is so uncomfortable about BF they couldnt just deal with it, then really they should be "polite enough" to forgo visiting a mother and baby at home.

Why should their ridiculous "sensitivities" be prioritised over a baby and mother feeding?

sewingandcakes · 16/08/2013 23:22

There was a protest this morning outside Manchester Aquatics Centre, where this took place, and the ban on breast feeding has now been lifted! Well done to those who supported the mother involved (and indirectly all mothers and babies who are breast feeding).

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