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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why we were not invited?

471 replies

cantsleep · 14/08/2013 19:52

To dh birthday meal/party?

MIL arranged a meal/cake/party at a local pub for dh. She went to a lot of trouble apparently making sure dh nieces and nephews were invited but somehow forgot to invite me or dcs despite the fact we talk regularly and I had only told her the day before what cake dcs had chosen for dh?

As far as I know I have not offended her so am surprised I was not told about it.

Dh didn't go and as a result MIL is not speaking to him.

OP posts:
MikeOxard · 14/08/2013 21:17

Wow, I think your dh is right, and also that MIL is a bitch. Sounds like you have a very lovely dh. MIL's talk of him just walking out one day if you don't let him hang out with her on his own enough is obviously her own wishful thinking. Wierdo. x

ChasedByBees · 14/08/2013 21:17

The MIL is really on some weird kind of power trip. Confused

hamab · 14/08/2013 21:17

OMG how bizarre. May I say you seem v dignified dealing with this.

Redlocks30 · 14/08/2013 21:17

MIL is angry? How on earth did she realistically think this was going to end!?

OP-is there a lot of history here that is relevant? Does MIL hate you? Have you been separated from her son? Have you shagged the next door neighbour or repeatedly left the children alone in the house!?

I cannot possibly imagine that you have met DH, had children with him and all has been fine and dandy for years and then suddenly, she does this. What's the back story?

TidyDancer · 14/08/2013 21:17

Wow.

Well it is healthy for couples to go out without each other, but that's about the only thing MIL is correct about. That said, this is a family occasion, and you are just as much your DH's family as she is, therefore that argument shouldn't apply.

is it possible that your DH has said something to your mil that you are unaware of? Do you go out only with each other? Just thinking that maybe DH has mentioned this to mil and she has taken it and run with it....!

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 14/08/2013 21:18

She sounds bonkers. How long have you been with dp?

TempusFuckit · 14/08/2013 21:18

Wow. I think more than the insults to you, I'd be fuming about how she's describing her own grandchildren there - "you lot". Lovely.

The walking away without a second glance thing sounds like wishful thinking on her part too.

How did you respond?

Ifcatshadthumbs · 14/08/2013 21:18

Yeah I think I would be getting annoyed with your DH by now too. Not fair to keep you in the dark.

RedPencils · 14/08/2013 21:18
Shock Well at least you know now what she thinks of you.
ViviPru · 14/08/2013 21:19

Riot act reading time. What have you got to lose? she has told you she hates you and is already cutting you out of family events.

May I say you seem v dignified dealing with this.

I doubt i would get over this

^^This.

Ifcatshadthumbs · 14/08/2013 21:20

Oh massive cross post there Sad

mimitwo · 14/08/2013 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sweetestcup · 14/08/2013 21:21

"I thought it would be better for him (dh) to come on his owm. He's not himself with you lot around. He doesn't look at us when he talks to us and I think you have destroyed his confidence like bil ex wife did to him and I hate her"

Oh god, I feel so sorry for you all, its gone from mad to plain spiteful and nasty. And its your DHs Mother. What woman in her right mind would behave like this, I dont get it!

runningonwillpower · 14/08/2013 21:22

I am just impressed that your husband has come out of all that a sane person.

cantsleep - stop worrying. It's not your fault, or his, that your mother-in-law is nuts. You have a sensible supportive husband.

In fact, if it were me, I would be treating her like the not-quite-right person she is.

You know, more to be pitied than despised.

Original poster
cantsleep · 14/08/2013 21:22

She put the phone down so I didn't get a chance to say anything. Don't think it will help anybody if I phone her back and say what I think.

Dh has admitted a particularly nasty comment was made about my recent ill health by mil along the lines of her hoping it had been worse than it turned out to be as it was "the only way he would ever have been free of her" and how she can't believe he ended up with me after all the lovely exes he let "drift away".

And yes, dh ALWAYS goes quiet when unhappy. He hates arguments and avoids them at all costs and gets very very withdrawn/wont talk. It can be frustrating.

OP posts:
SuckAtRelationships · 14/08/2013 21:22
Shock

Now I'm even more proud of your DH!!

I bet this was all said to him at the lunch too. How humiliating for him :(

Fairy130389 · 14/08/2013 21:23

I literally have no idea what to say. I thought my ILs were toxic but FUCK ME. Thank god your DH is sane and normal. I genuinely can't close my mouth from the shock of the bloody woman. I am affronted on your behalf.

lovestogarden · 14/08/2013 21:24

Poor you! Your DJ sounds like a gem though. Monster in law sounds dreadful. I'd cut her dead. She's been awful to and about you, so ya boo sucks to her. You don't need to 'keep the peace' anymore. The gloves are off!

SuckAtRelationships · 14/08/2013 21:24

What woman in her right mind would behave like this, I dont get it!

^this

Fairy130389 · 14/08/2013 21:24

How old is she? Can you conspire to put her in a home yet? rude.

Groovee · 14/08/2013 21:24

Shock I am completely stunned. Words fail me with regards to your MIL.

mimitwo · 14/08/2013 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ExitPursuedByABear · 14/08/2013 21:25

Question asked earlier which hadn't occurred to me. Are your children his children? Not that it makes any difference to me?

Original poster
cantsleep · 14/08/2013 21:25

We have been together 14 years.

All dcs are his. MIL is bonkers I think. Poor woman was hysterical.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 14/08/2013 21:25
Shock

How horrendous for you and dh and the dc Sad