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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why we were not invited?

471 replies

cantsleep · 14/08/2013 19:52

To dh birthday meal/party?

MIL arranged a meal/cake/party at a local pub for dh. She went to a lot of trouble apparently making sure dh nieces and nephews were invited but somehow forgot to invite me or dcs despite the fact we talk regularly and I had only told her the day before what cake dcs had chosen for dh?

As far as I know I have not offended her so am surprised I was not told about it.

Dh didn't go and as a result MIL is not speaking to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
cantsleep · 14/08/2013 22:49

No idea yet what sil thinks.

I do think mil is a 'poor woman' as I can't even begin to imagine what must be going on in her mind to be behaving like this and wishing someone dead. Evil or seriously ill-either way I wouldn't like to be her.

OP posts:
NamelessMcNally · 14/08/2013 22:51

You sound lovely (and I hope you get the all clear).
Your Dh sounds lovely (and wonderfully supportive and loyal to you).
Your MIL. Utter bitch.

CheeseAndFriedMushrooms · 14/08/2013 22:55

Feel for you OP, sounds like my mother in law. Except mine is trying to take my boys off me and turn them against me. Cut her out of your life. It is too draining on you to have such negative energy around you.

pigletmania · 14/08/2013 22:57

What a nasty and horrid woman, op god luck with everything, no contact with her ever again she is thoroughly evil

xeraa · 14/08/2013 22:57

She is insane but also extremely stupid, you have to find the less toxic way to deal with this situation and to cut all relations may give her the drama she wishes for and the opportunity to split all family events as she has just attempted to do. To humor her as a possessive lunatic may be the best way to counter her actions and have the rest of the family on your side

aquashiv · 14/08/2013 22:57

cantsleep,I think you are dead right she is neither happy nor well to think in this way- to have such a warped sinister view of the world and other people. If you can, do not take it personally please. Your husband sounds a warm sensitive person so at least some good has come out of her. Well done for phoning her now leave it be. You have done no wrong and your husband is probably feeling really embarrassed and crap right now.
Families - nuts some of them.

marmitericecakes · 14/08/2013 23:03

This thread has made me cry.

Cantsleep, I wish you and your family all the best no matter what the outcome of this awful situation. I haven't got any advice (what can you say?!) only support for you as you and your wonderful family deal with this shit.

You and your great DH will get through this. Here's to you getting the all-clear!

onelittlepiglet · 14/08/2013 23:04

You are a saint to have put up with this rubbish for so long!

My inlaws are awful but your mil is on a whole different level.

I am so glad that your Dh supports you - as it should be.

I hope you have good news at your appointment next week and if we all keep our fingers crossed for you and wish you good news, it will be stronger than your horrible mil wishing you bad luck. Ugh!

DontActuallyLikePrunes · 14/08/2013 23:04

First of all, good wishes for your consultant appt, I hope all goes well.

You must (both) be devastated by this: it's so completely eviscerating. All those people who knew and went along with it. It's not just your MIL, is it?

In your position I am not sure I could see SIL, or any of them ever again. Not without about ten apologies from the people involved. MIL looks like a write-off. God your poor DH Sad

Could there be a health reason for this display of vitriol? Is she having absolutely terrible menopause issues? Could it be an early sign of Alzheimers? I don't know if it would help or not - the damage is done - but it might be good to be sure before the shit properly hits the fan.

AntoinetteCosway · 14/08/2013 23:10

OP you are a better woman than I am-I would be raging and you sound so calm and kind about it given the circumstances. I hope she begs for forgiveness from you both and doesn't ruin her DS's relationship with her.

FinickityCoder · 14/08/2013 23:11

Your MIL is a toxic bitch. I'm not sure how you move forward from this, I think I'd have to cut her out for my own sanity if she were my MIL.

Hissy · 14/08/2013 23:13

I agree, everyone at that party is potentially complicit. I'm not sure i'd want to see SIL/BIL either.

Both you and your H will be feeling devastated indeed, and with every reason.

I hope you both mange to get through this and out the other side swiftly.

pigletmania · 14/08/2013 23:16

Exactly hissy, I think that they were all in on it, for that I would want nothing to do with them

raisah · 14/08/2013 23:17

She needs to be sectioned. What an awful woman. She has probably thought & planned all of this was for years. What a twisted bitch. She is an example of how not to behave when you become a MIL.

PeanutPatty · 14/08/2013 23:18

I am speechless. Honestly. She's a fucking loon.

Your MIL is a horrible manipulating calculating nutter.

As others have said, how your DH has managed to be a lovely sensitive and thoughtful person is nothing short of a miracle.

Your 6mo son not being able to speak due to being bf is a hilarious comment! Utter shite being spewed there.

lovestogarden · 14/08/2013 23:22

I wonder if she's like this will all her children's partners? Has she an other half? Far from sane behaviour. What did she tell everyone? No-one told her she was being crazy?

loflo · 14/08/2013 23:25

Mad cow - due to similar behaviour I haven't seen my fecking mil madasaboxoffrogsfor years now. DH doesn't seem bothered any more and DS refers to them as the nasty people. It's so sad and hope you can find a way forward.

pigletmania · 14/08/2013 23:28

To hurt your child like that is just disgusting, even if you did split up I doubt he would want a close relationship with her. Her behaviour is unbelievable, you are setting an excellent example and continue to do so, by not engaging with her, and also support his relationship with hs mother

Heebiejeebie · 14/08/2013 23:40

It's one thing after the other with her, isn't it? Perhaps least said soonest mended.

WandOfElderNeverProsper · 14/08/2013 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FeijoaVodkaStat · 14/08/2013 23:49

B

laeiou · 14/08/2013 23:54

She may have narcissistic personality traits.

If so, expect several approaches from her. She'll appeal to dh herself, she'll get others to do it for her, she'll invent mystery illnesses to get his attention and try to elicit sympathy. She'll get more desperate as she realises she's losing the little control of him and you that she currently has.

Honestly, no contact is probably the best thing for you all. Your dh may be caught up in the lifetime of training she's given him, but it can change.

elQuintoConyo · 14/08/2013 23:56

Awful, awful, awful woman, she is seriously fucked up.
Poor you, your poor DH, your poor DC. She's going to lose all of them.
I second (third/fourth) a pp and suggest lying low, let your DH take the lead and decide what he wants to do - your hearts must be breaking.

Some Thanks for your appointment next week, I hope it's a positive one X

clam · 14/08/2013 23:59

Seriously, who DOES this????

Bizarre.

MrsKoala · 15/08/2013 00:05

She sounds like a fucking sociopath tbh. It is disproportionate to wish someone, who has been part of your family for years, dead, just so you get your own way. This shows she thinks getting what she wants is the prime objective and everything standing in the way is just an obstacle to be disposed of. It isn't normal to think those things and it sure as fuck isn't normal to say them. Saying them out loud to you means she thinks she has a rational point. This is where the Narcissist/Sociopath gets frustrated and tries to explain but still cannot see why them getting their own way isn't the main focus of everyones life. I have so many people like this in my life, they are very confused and i do feel sorry for them. Their brains don't work in the normal way. Which is a shame for them but self preservation is the key, as you soon learn 'they are never going to get better' all you can do is manage them and protect yourself.

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