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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why we were not invited?

471 replies

cantsleep · 14/08/2013 19:52

To dh birthday meal/party?

MIL arranged a meal/cake/party at a local pub for dh. She went to a lot of trouble apparently making sure dh nieces and nephews were invited but somehow forgot to invite me or dcs despite the fact we talk regularly and I had only told her the day before what cake dcs had chosen for dh?

As far as I know I have not offended her so am surprised I was not told about it.

Dh didn't go and as a result MIL is not speaking to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
cantsleep · 14/08/2013 21:50

She does have some mh problems (panic attacks/anxiety) and there have been minor disagreements in the past often about me "not being good enough" for her ds.

She has always mentioned a lot how outgoing dh was a child and now he is apparently shy and downtrodden and doesn't join in with family events which she says is my fault.

In reality it is usually because we are so busy with dcs but I have suffered with pnd in the past which caused me problems with social situations. I have in the past had issues with jealousy but I am the first to admit this and have sought help. Dh understands and appreiciates how mils constant comments about his "lovely exes" doesn't help. Mil and I have never been best of friends but I honestly thought we were getting on a lot better recently.

I don't think I can ever speak to her again though after she said she wished I had been seriously ill/died.I had a lot of horrible procedures/biopsies and an op and had confided in her how worried I was.

OP posts:
CinnamonAddict · 14/08/2013 21:52

What she said about your health is unforgivable. And your dh knows this. He might need time to see you will be better off to cut all contact.

You've been together 14 years and she moans about the lovely exes? How utterly vile.

ExitPursuedByABear · 14/08/2013 21:52

Or overwhelm her with attention. Phone her constantly. Confide. Share. Invite. Really piss the bitch off.

ChasedByBees · 14/08/2013 21:54

I can't believe .... Wow, I seriously have no words. She sounds evil. Who the hell wishes their grandchildren's mother dead? Just wow. You sound amazingly calm, I'd be so so furious.

Crumbledwalnuts · 14/08/2013 21:55

I don't know how came to miss most of the thread but yes I agree with everyone. Can you keep your children away from her, as well as you? Can't imagine having a mother as mad as that, it must be very troubling for your husband.

MrGeresHamster · 14/08/2013 21:55

Shock...

How horrible for you, what an utter cow. Your DH sounds lovely, poor man dealing with a mother like that.

MikeOxard · 14/08/2013 21:58

I had a lot of horrible procedures/biopsies and an op and had confided in her how worried I was.

Eugh - and all that time she was rubbing her hands together! You must feel sick. I hope you are in much better health now. You have a great dh and that's what matters, it is a shame that the whole family can't get on but really I would write MIL off at this point tbh - you can't really have a relationship with someone like that. :(

Famzilla · 14/08/2013 21:59

Please stay away from this woman, she is fucking vile. Protect your children, I have no doubt that she'll turn on them one day too.

As for your DP being withdrawn, I can only begin to wonder why with such a vile controlling human as his mother.

kali110 · 14/08/2013 22:00

If you think this may start ur mh probs again cut contact with her. Up to dh if he wants a relationship with her, but you dont have to. Not sure it would be good for kids to see her if she badmouths their mum.
Cant believe that after you told her how worried you were she would wish you to be sicker.
Your a brave woman op, you recognise you had problems and you sought help, that takes guts.
None of this is your fault, this is all her!!

KeatsiePie · 14/08/2013 22:01

She said she wished you would become seriously ill and die??!!

That is terrible. Especially as you were confiding in her during a rough time. I am amazed that either of you still speaks to her.

Wishfulmakeupping · 14/08/2013 22:01

OP just read through thread you and you're dh sound so lovely- cut this nasty, cruel bitter woman out of your lives.
Stay dignified and hold your head high :)

Crumbledwalnuts · 14/08/2013 22:03

Yes Mike - while expressing sympathy she must have been thinking get worse, get worse.

Trigglesx · 14/08/2013 22:07

I don't associate with my psycho SIL. Ever, anymore. Trust me - it will make life so much less stressful!! !

Smartiepants79 · 14/08/2013 22:08

Haven't read everything others have said so hope I'm not repeating.
I can sort of maybe understand that she has issues with you and might not want you there (completely unacceptable obviously) but her own grandchildren???!!!
Mental.

encyclogirl · 14/08/2013 22:11

She's written her own death sentence hasn't she?

What a horrible woman! You and your Dh sound lovely OP. you are so much better off without that level of toxicity in your lives.

Standautocorrected · 14/08/2013 22:11

Your poor dh, it sounds like she is trying to cause trouble both for him and for you.
She is awful, please stay away.

Give your dh time, talk when he wants to and let him take the lead on this.
Take care

Original poster
cantsleep · 14/08/2013 22:12

Worst thing is I have (what I hope) is my final appt with consultant next week before I am discharged. MIL knows this and I keep imagining her with her fingers crossed hoping I get some more bad news rather than the all clear and discharged.

It has also come out that she told dh it would have been embarassing to have me there as I would have undoubtedly bf the baby. According to her it has been in the news (on what planet I'm not sure) that bf after 6 months damages a babys muscles and stops them speaking so I am to blame for ds not yet talking.

Dh did impress me though when he said "I told her she was wrong that its recommended to breastfeed for 2 years by the world health place".

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 14/08/2013 22:13

I can really feel for you OP. My DH is similar to yours and once MIL called him and told him i was not welcome anymore in their house. The look on his face when he got off the phone will be burned in my brain forever. He was pale and looked so sad in his soul. I will never forgive her for hurting him like that. I can forgive what shit she spouted about me any day of the week. But hurting him like that hurt me more than anything else.

So now you know she hates you and wishes you were dead, that all the time you were confiding in her she was enjoying it. You must all be devastated and i don't think there is much moving on from here. I wouldn't be able to see her ever again.

As for the things she said about your DH, do the other family members also feel this way? You said SIL is nice, can you discuss it with her?

Your MIL, like my MIL, is a stupid woman. SHe will push him away and has hurt him more than she will ever know. For what? to 'win'. Well she wont win, she will make him choose and he will choose his family. It never ceases to amaze me how many MILs think their ds's dw's and dc are transient and disposable.

My heart really is aching for all of you. It brings it all back when i hear of this kind of cruelty. Your poor DH. Poor all of you. Stupid stupid woman. Why? Why now after all this time?

JugglingFromHereToThere · 14/08/2013 22:18

To me (as an ardent BFing supporter) the BFing madness is a less upsetting nonsense of hers than most of the other stuff ?

Still batty though of course.

Hissy · 14/08/2013 22:19

The anxiety/panic attacks she has? The tears on the phone to you? All bluff, to gain sympathy and divert anyone from taking her to task.

What she has done IS unforgivable.
Your H is a good man, and he'll be needing every ounce of support, and you will probably need his too, stay strong, you're a great team and can get through this.

ExitPursuedByABear · 14/08/2013 22:19

If you love someone why would you want to make th unhappy?

johnnyDrivingaShinyCar · 14/08/2013 22:21

How unbelievably nasty-and misjudged. The more controlling and nasty she is, the further she pushes your DH away which is quite sad as perhaps it's her he'll "leave without a backwards glance".

I hope you're okay, those are some terrible things to have to hear.

Original poster
cantsleep · 14/08/2013 22:21

I don't have a clue how to move on from this. Tempted just to never see/speak to her again or let her anywhere near dcs.

It is dh I feel sorry for. He has always tried so hard to keep things 'pleasant'.

OP posts:
Mawgatron · 14/08/2013 22:22

Just read the whole thread, and the spa one. Four words. See you next Tuesday.

Squitten · 14/08/2013 22:22

Don't rush into anything right now. Give your DH time to gather himself and process what has happened. He might come out the other side not wanting a thing to do with her himself. Wait and see

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