to be riled by this comment from a colleague?

[dancingwithmyselfandthecat]

Someone I manage has requested emergency leave (unpaid - for the next couple of weeks) because her childcare arrangement for the holidays has fallen through.

I said that I would bring it up with my manager as soon as I could today, but explained that it is unlikely we will be able to accommodate the request because we are low staffed anyway (what with it being August and having accommodated other people's planned leave requests) and have some big deadlines coming up. I said that we may be able to meet her halfway, but she may need to make other arrangements, and if she needed some time today to ring around that would be fine.

To which she replied "Well, there's no way I can ask my husband because he earns more than me and has the more important job".

Now, I won't take this comment into consideration one way or another, but AIBU to be annoyed by it? From our perspective, she is a well-paid, full time employee with responsibilities. It is neither here nor there as to whether in a private context she and her DH consider him to be the "dominant" worker. And from a women-in-the-workplace/feminist perspective, what hope do we have of gaining greater equality when women treat their professional responsibilities in this way?

No I have on the odd occasion taken dc in an had them with a book or ds. Not for hours on end but long enough to get the key things done in the office to enable me to work at home otherwise. I changed my hours to termtime specifically to minimise this sort of issue and used holiday clubs/playdates where necessary.

OP, I think you are entirely right and that those opposing your stance on this matter may have lost sight of what is expected of an employee.
There are lots of women who don't work because they can't afford child care, have no family support etc. It is not the responsibility of the employer to help the employee more than the law states. Some people think the world owes them everything on their terms, and it doesn't.
I'm sure there are people without children who need time off in an emergency who couldn't just expect to take 2 weeks leave.

flowery while I wouldn't say that to her, that's kind of my view. Most office based work can accomodate some flexibility (as I can). Soldiers on active duty, psychiatrists who have every day booked in with extremely vulnerable patients who can't be entrusted to anyone else, that sort of thing I can see.

Anyway, between sorting this out today and MNing, I'm behind so better get back to it.

Does she earn enough to pay for reasonable childcare costs? Either in a 2 week period or on avg over the year treating school as free childcare? I am thinking I could understand better if her wage is very tight compared to her costs and there is no spare for unexpected childcare costs. If her usual profit per hour is really only like 60p (I considered lots of jobs like that).

Assuming she is truly well paid, yanbu to OP, on everything. It sounds like the lady really doesn't value her job. :(

These threads make me laugh. A job, is a job, is a job. Over the years I have learnt that however flexible, lovely, helpful etc your workplace is, as an employee you are just a number. When they need to cut costs by making redundancies, freezing salary, promotions etc they will. and your workplace would too OP. it's frankly about time employees treated their employers as flipantly (sp) as they can be treated themselves.

"it's frankly about time employees treated their employers as flipantly (sp) as they can be treated themselves."

Nice attitude, and in this economic climate, where jobs are not two-a-penny, that's really bad advice.

OP: You must have had a very long lunch break today and finished work before 17.00pm.
I can't imagine having a job that allowed me to Mumsnet quite so much in working time.

I am a lowly TA, my DH is a well paid manager in the city. If the kids are sick, we still take it in turns to take the day off. Because I see my role as just as important as his, and I don't want to let the kids/school down, anymore than he wants to let his clients down. And also I don't want to get a reputation as unreliable.

So YANBU, her DH should absolutely make the same request to his employer.

"No, I'm not a troll. Would you like to be reported for suggesting that? "

Oh you child. Are you telling? Agree with flowery abit this and depressing to see so many crappy attitudes on this thread. If we have an emergency we figure out who can do what. I have the more flexible job so usually pick up most of the slack but it is dh's problem too!

Flowery and I disagree on this.
I agree with Pixie.
It is an employers market. But, don't put yourself out TOO much, because every employer will get rid of you without a second thought.
So just remember that, when you are struggling, and trying to re-arrange childcare, to cover your job etc. They don't give 2 hoots. There is no loyalty these days.
You really are just a number.
So try. But don't break a sweat. Coz they sure won't break a sweat when they think about getting rid of you.

I think sometimes it's an insecurity thing as well. It's really important to some people, mainly men, to feel work Can't Possibly Manage without them.

For some people their identity and self-esteem are so tied up in their job that they need to reinforce this message to themselves and to others.

Often these people moan about how busy they are, or how much their employer expects of them, or the hours they work, while actually simultaneously getting a boost out of feeling needed and important.

Being able to take time off for the kids in an emergency would undermine all this, even though a lot of it is in their head. And actually if they were in fact run over by a bus, mysteriously everyone at work would cope....

intheshed I bet your employer and the children you work with would consider you as irreplaceable, if not more so, than your higher-paid DH's employer and client would. :)

This is so true.
My dh is like this. Likes to be needed.
But have you ever noticed? That in ANY company. When someone leaves. Within a very short space of time, no one even notices.

Confirms my earlier post: We are all VERY dispensable.

Coz they sure won't break a sweat when they think about getting rid of you

Employers will get rid of you a lot faster if you don't have a professional attitude towards work. You'd automatically disadvantage yourself if redundancies were happening.

I agree with flowery

I started reading this thread feeling a bit sympathetic to the employee as, from the time my DCs were born, I have always worked part-time, been the lower wage-earner and prioritised family over work despite being in a reasonably well paid profession. As DH worked full time in a more challenging role, which sometimes involved being away from home, it was more difficult for him to get time off.

I have, however, always pulled my weight and have often gone above and beyond my duties rather than let my colleagues down and, quite frankly, she lost me totally at the "children would be bored" comment.

Feminism, to me, is about every woman having a choice as to what her priorities are and I think it is ok to put family first if that is your choice. It is not ok however to expect to have a job yet let your employer and colleagues down

Flowery, I disagree. I know you are only trying to make Shed feel good. But TA's are ten-a-penny. Always some other Johnny's mum, thinking that it is an easy job, and fits in with childcare.
But a GOOD TA, now they really are hard to find!

It was unprofessional. No DC here but if for some reason we need time off (has happened due to household or family emergency) then we would both consider our options and I would probably end up working from home if that was an option. I am the main earner, albeit DP starting to catch up a bit. Those looking purely at who brings in most are missing the point IMO. First off, your company probably doesn't care (and as a senior pr

So what childcare crisis is she facing then, if OP has offered her the possibility of taking her kids into work??!! That seems enormously generous. They would be bored??!! Suck it up. 2 weeks seems a rather arbitrary length of time for childcare arrangements to be organised. Holiday, methinks! Btw, the more senior the job, the easier it is to work from home, in many areas. The more people you manage, the more scattered they are, the more they are managed remotely. Admittedly, it would be difficult with a 2 and 3 year old, but the children in the OP's post can be left to their own devices most of the time. Obviously we don't know what the husband's job is, senior oncologist in a hospital might be an exception, for example. Deffo a holiday fib.

Yanbu OP.

In my experience as a manager of women - the man has NEVER taken emergency leave or had to be flexible.

I have a very very professional attitude to work. Thanks very much.
I value my job highly. And give my all.

But that still doesn't mean that I haven't seen many companies get rid of people. Maybe you don't have the experience of how ruthless they can be.
Do you really think most employees are valued? I KNOW that to be not the case.

That rather implies that intheshed isn't a good TA, Oblomov

In any case, if she were to be unexpectedly absent for a couple of weeks it would certainly cause great inconvenience to the children she supports, and to their teachers.

Oblomov - I don't understand the point you're trying to make. You seem to be very dismissive of in the shed's role, describing TA's as "ten - a penny*. This thread is (partly) about whether it's reasonable for both parents to share childcare in an emergency, not about denigrating the career choices that others have made

No, not just trying to make anyone feel good. This isn't about how easy it would be to find a replacement, this is about how much someone would be missed in an emergency.

Making the assumption that Shed is at least halfway decent at her job, I imagine it would make a big difference to the teacher she supports and the children she works with if she weren't there. My mum used to be a primary teacher and very much appreciated the TAs, and felt they were underpaid.

Bother, stupid phone

As a senior project manager people would be a bit if I suggested DP's company requirements took precedence because of income. The project still needs managed...

Also, DP's work comes in massive peaks and troughs. Annual leave during a peak? Not a chance. He needs equipment to work. I need a phone & a laptop - both of which I have at home. My company - big on flexibility. i work a day a week from home gor no other reason than i can. DP's company - stereotypical American work hard, play hard & don't expect a huge leave entitlement. It's not always as obvious as who earns the big money.