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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think being overweight may negatively affect your chances in online dating?

121 replies

thriftshop · 13/08/2013 21:35

And if so, what's the answer? Is it to give the whole online thing a swerve in favour of meeting people in other situations which are more personality and less looks driven? Or to lose weight and only give OD a go when you reach a certain size?...

OP posts:

LEMisdisappointed · 13/08/2013 21:37

I think if you are overweight(like me) you should look at ways of losing weight and getting fit, for yourself.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 13/08/2013 21:38

Being overweight may negatively aspect your chances at many things.

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2013 21:39

It can shorten your life for a start

Surely that's more of a reason to tackle weight loss than finding a date online?

Famzilla · 13/08/2013 21:40

I think being overweight can have an effect on every kind of dating. As can being underweight, a 'normal' weight, blonde, ginger, tall, short, yada yada.

In other words people fancy who they fancy, wherever they will meet them, IMO.

mumofweeboys · 13/08/2013 21:40

I have to disagree. I have a friend who is quite overweight but she dresses well, lovely hair and make up - she has a naturally pretty face. She comes across as very friendly and outgoing without being intimidating, she is very good at striking up conversations with strangers. She is always being asked for her phone number and goes out on dates.

Famzilla · 13/08/2013 21:41

Oh but the answer is to lose weight, obviously.

YouTheCat · 13/08/2013 21:41

I have no idea. Very odd first post unless you have name changed for this strange thread.

Cutitup · 13/08/2013 21:41

I think it depends on how overweight you are. There are some sites which cater to this sort of thing but you have to 'qualify'. The question is, do you want that sort of a guy who is a 'chubby chaser'.

Original poster

thriftshop · 13/08/2013 21:42

I think it's perfectly possible to be overweight, healthy and happy though. Not everyone is able to be a size 8.

OP posts:

paperclipsarebetterthanstaples · 13/08/2013 21:42

My friend is a big girl and she met her husband online - he deliberately searched for larger ladies. They're gloriously happy and he's funny, charming and not a weird feeder or anything

TravelinColour · 13/08/2013 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

thriftshop · 13/08/2013 21:45

I think there's a difference between attracting interest in everyday life, and getting dates online though, the former doesn't always equate to the latter.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 13/08/2013 21:48

i don't think that it will affect online dating any more than any other kind of dating.

I think there are plenty of men out there who will like someone for who they are. and people who are looking specifically for a larger lady

Famzilla · 13/08/2013 21:52

You've lost me. However I don't really get how being overweight is healthy. Unless you're carrying alot of muscle.

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2013 21:52

I have friends who are not overweight and they have trouble with online dating.

Mainly because they're not great at typing/spelling and their personalities just don't come across as they do in real life.

But if you're overweight, healthy and happy...why are you assuming you're getting nowhere because of your weight?

Are you sure it's not anything else?

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 13/08/2013 21:52

Your OP suggests you are making life decision based on what a mass of unknown (I presume) men will approve.

I don't think you should lose weight because some mythical online dater will fancy you or not. You should do it for yourself.

Original poster

thriftshop · 13/08/2013 21:52

I worked with a lady who was (I'm guessing) about a size 30, possibly more. She was on a specialist website and had several marriage proposals.

But what if you're only moderately overweight, say 2-3 stone, a size 14-16? I wonder whether most men would prefer someone who's a size 10, and a few pounds overweight? All other things being equal.

OP posts:

SummerHoliDidi · 13/08/2013 21:53

I was a size 18 when I met dp online. I was self-conscious about my weight but he didn't know I was overweight until I met him in person, about 3 weeks after our first email. He wasn't bothered in the slightest, and it's a good thing for him he wasn't.

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 13/08/2013 21:53

I dabble with OD and I think being divorced with 2 kids puts people off too. Or am I unlucky? I rarely get messaged and I message people and do not get a reply. I'm a size 14, dark blonde, 5ft 5 I'm average looking imo. I'm 35. I think it might be my age group though? Should I be looking at 40 upwards?

I'm not attracted to really overweight blokes. A tiny bit of tummy bulge is ok. I'm not exactly a supermodel myself but once they cannot see their belt/ feet, I just don't find it remotely attractive. But I do believe there is someone out there for everyone, people like different shapes and sizes.

Would you want to date someone that shallow that they dismiss you instantly due to size? That's what I tell myself often...

Famzilla · 13/08/2013 21:54

I really don't think anyone who is a genuine size 10 would be "a few pounds overweight". I mean really?

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 13/08/2013 21:55

It's all about personal preference.

Some men like larger women. Some like skinny. Some like 'average' sized.

Some like pale skin. Some like dark. Some like a light tan.

Some like blonde hair. Some like black. Others like red. A good few like multicoloured.

My friend is 5'1 and a size 18. Absolutely gorgeous lady. She gets asked out by at least two men every week. Either while she's at the pub at a weekend or men coming onto her at work (she works in a bookmakers).

I'm 5'7, a size 10, pretty I suppose but seriously lack confidence when it comes to men, and haven't been asked out in years!

Size is all relative. If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself. Not to attract men online.

Original poster

thriftshop · 13/08/2013 21:58

I am losing weight, I eat healthily and exercise daily. But I am never going to be a size 8, at best I expect I can get to a size 12 and might just about nudge into the top of the BMI for my height, but I am more likely to end up just over in the 'overweight' category.

I have tried OD in the past. I get interest in RL (though not from anyone suitable) but no real success with OD. I have spoken to various friends about it - and the only obvious negative people can think of about me is that I am a size 16.

OP posts:

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 13/08/2013 22:01

I'm considering paying for some professional photos, just for OD. Not silly poses but natural with a good camera. As I think my photos don't help.

Could you try speed dating? If you live in Herts I'd go with you, I've always wanted to give it a try

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2013 22:01

I really don't think anyone who is a genuine size 10 would be "a few pounds overweight". I mean really?

Of course

They could in fact be a couple of stone overweight, depending on their height and frame.

OP, why do you keep mentioning 'size 8'?

It's not the be all and end all. You might not even suit a size 8.

happybubblebrain · 13/08/2013 22:02

I think most men prefer slim women.
But who cares what they want.
If I had to choose between a cake or a man, cake would win every time.

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