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Original poster

to think being overweight may negatively affect your chances in online dating?

121 replies

thriftshop · 13/08/2013 21:35

And if so, what's the answer? Is it to give the whole online thing a swerve in favour of meeting people in other situations which are more personality and less looks driven? Or to lose weight and only give OD a go when you reach a certain size?...

OP posts:
Angelfootprints · 14/08/2013 00:00

It just seems odd to me that men who supposedly are well aware of what you look like would be disappointed. And so many of them too!

As Worra says are you sure they are accurate?

If you think they are, then I cant help but think your reading disappointment when there is none there which will set a bad tone for the date.

llittleyello · 14/08/2013 00:02

I lost a load of weight and trapped my husband on interweb. followed The sad Rules and everything.

quite unlike me and now i have put all 3 stone of the weight nicely back on.

Fakebook · 14/08/2013 00:02

If anyone watched the Panorama programme about online dating a few weeks ago you'll know that it's all one big scam. I doubt your weight has anything to do with getting a date.

Angelfootprints · 14/08/2013 00:05

Online dating isn't one big scam! I know several people who have met their OH this way. One and have been together for the past 7 years or so, another about to marry this winter. Another married happily for 4 years with two dc's.

It can work.

Darkesteyes · 14/08/2013 00:05

Sometimes you can have the most amazing sexual chemistry with someone who is classed as not good looking by societys standards. My ex OM was a redheaded bloke 17 yrs older than me with a bit of a belly This was while i was still losing weight and had got down to a size 14 by then but still booby (im afraid they aint small whether im bigger or slimmer) but my God the sexual chemistry between us was electric Ive never known ANYTHING like it. And am scared that i never will again.

FreudiansSlipper · 14/08/2013 00:06

i am over weight not much but on the tubby side and i have yet to meet all these men that prefer overweight women

only ones who i have meet who claim they are tell me along the lines of i like women with a bit of meat on them wtf i do not need reassurance from strangers who think i am going to drop my knickers for a line like that

i am not saying some men do not prefer women who are rounder but i prefer myself slimmer so do not give a fuck if a man prefers me with a bit of extra weight

if you are not happy with the way you look that needs to be addressed before you go online dating

Original poster
thriftshop · 14/08/2013 00:07

I wouldn't say I have had disappointed looks from all men - some, not the majority. Perhaps those ones just hadn't looked at my photos properly, or not at the full length one?

I have however not had much success overall, whether they gave me a disappointed look, or said post-date they didn't find me attractive, or I just never heard from them again.

OP posts:
Angelfootprints · 14/08/2013 00:11

But attraction isn't just on looks its a package- they might find you physically attractive but if you came across lacking confidence (or whatever the issue is) it might have meant in the flesh the attraction wasn't there as the whole thing didn't gel. It doesn't mean your ugly or too fat.

FreudiansSlipper · 14/08/2013 00:14

can not be worse than my experience i had a guy go to buy a drink and walk out on me

i sent a text saying well i guess you have walked out or that you have fallen down a hole that appeared in the floor and wish i could do the same

he replied sorry but you do not look like your photo. yes it was recent and full length and not a professional photo

WorraLiberty · 14/08/2013 00:15

So it's not all men and it's just those who you feel haven't looked at your photos properly...or not the full length "one".

That ^^ is leading me to believe your photos don't truly represent you.

For starters, believe me if you're going to take the time to actually meet with someone face to face in real life, for an actual date...you WILL have looked at their photos properly.

Secondly, what do you mean the full length one?

Why do you only have one full length photo?

Why not have tons of them if you're not afraid to represent how you truthfully look?

Honestly OP, I mean this hand on heart....take tons of every day snap shots. Photos with make up, without make up, smiley faces, straight faces, cross eyed funny faces with your tongue out Grin

Have the confidence to represent the real you and not how you want people to see you.

I'm quite sure that no-one will ever look disappointed again upon meeting you....because they would have chosen to meet the real thriftshop

FreudiansSlipper · 14/08/2013 00:22

really i would never do silly photos and never without makeup

i think you look you like you email you think you might like them meet them you do or you don't

it is superficial until you meet

having a selection of photos is not going to make any difference just do not put ones up that are over flattering

WorraLiberty · 14/08/2013 00:33

really i would never do silly photos and never without makeup

See I would...totally and always.

What you see is what you get with me

But if I controlled what I wanted you to see, then I wouldn't be surprised if you were surprised when we met.

Original poster
thriftshop · 14/08/2013 00:37

Most men haven't, for whatever reason been interested. Some have actually looked disappointed. Not all, but some.

I am just trying to work out why - and weight has been suggested as a possible/ likely reason. I don't think its the photos - I have been friends with a couple of the dates on Facebook (where I have lots of photos). I don't think they could have been in any doubt what I looked like, yet they weren't interested.

I'd never take a photo without makeup, or pulling a face, that's not me at all. I do think my photos are representative - I had only 1 full length one (out of a total of 4 or 5 I think) because I can't take one of myself, and have barely any from nights out with friends, as most tend to be either headshots, or group photos where you couldn't see me properly anyway. So I just put up the most recent one that was me on my own.

OP posts:
Backonthefence · 14/08/2013 00:41

Men prefer many different sizes I can personally say that I find women around size 12-14 and sometimes bigger attractive (assuming their height is around 5'6 - 5'7).

That being said when I was young I was kind of embarrassed by who I found attractive as I felt my friends would take the piss especially since I have an athletic build.

I have long since grown up. I think that online dating just has so many readily available options that people are just spoilt for choice.

And take it easy on those that are bald they can't do anything about it.

WorraLiberty · 14/08/2013 00:41

Then I really do rest my case.

Get a friend to take lots of full length photos of you

Take photos without make up

Take photos that represent the 'real' you... funny face or not.

But it's quite obvious that these people are looking you up and down in a shocked way because your photos don't show the real you.

I don't believe for a minute it's your weight as such...just that they possibly didn't realise what you actually look like in real life.

Have the confidence to show yourself warts and all and your dates won't look at you oddly, I promise.

FreudiansSlipper · 14/08/2013 00:43

but i am not really a silly face pulling person or a make up free person until i know someone well and for me someone doing the look i am crazy photos i would think what a twat but others would like it. my photos look like me this guy did not find me attractive and thought it was ok to just walk out was nothing to do with my photo he is a twat a decent person would not do that

i am very sarcastic and funny at times i can also be a moody bitch but that does not come over well in an email thankfully

online dating is so superficial i take whatever i read or see (to some extent can not really tell what someone is like by a photo just what they look like) with a pinch of salt

it is there to meet people something may come of it. i have two great friends now from it :)

Darkesteyes · 14/08/2013 00:47

Im with Worra on this actually I met OM when i was working in an electrical shop lugging big tvs around I was wearing white blouses and black pencil skirts to look smart for work but often didnt bother with make up as it could be sweaty work, He was STILL immediately attracted to me.
its SEXUAL CHEMISTRY .....a spark. And you cant replicate that with a shield that covers it up whether that shield is cosmetics or an unnaturally posed photo.

FreudiansSlipper · 14/08/2013 00:50

but that spark does not come from emails or photos that only comes when you meet someone and what has been said or seen really no longer matters

Original poster
thriftshop · 14/08/2013 00:54

I wouldn't ever take a photo with no makeup. People don't ever see me without make up, I don't do casual dress, or scruffy, its not me. I would feel uncomfortable trying to appear like something I'm not.

My photos show me dressed up, with make up, etc, because that's how I look, and how I turn up to dates.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 14/08/2013 01:01

Nah sorry then OP

I do really think it's something about you and your inability to be natural...or your inability to match up to the photos you send.

Imo there is no other reason why someone...knowing exactly what you really look like, would be shocked to see exactly what you really look like when they meet you.

And if you never let people see you without make-up then I don't think you have any room to criticise people who don't desire naturally bigger women.

Either you want them to accept what you really look like or you don't.

You seem to want to pick and choose when it comes to judging these men.

Original poster
thriftshop · 14/08/2013 01:17

I haven't said anyone looked shocked by me (I'd be horrified if they did that). Some have looked me up and down, in a disappointed way. Possibly in a 'her photos aren't representative/ are too flattering' but I'm not a mind reader so I don't know.

I'd assumed they were just rude (I'd never look someone up and down like that) til the weight thing was mentioned, and then I began to wonder if THAT was in some way the reason.

I don't think I have actually critised men for not preferring larger women. I've just asked if my size might be affecting my chances of being successful at OD.

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 14/08/2013 08:12

I don't think that your size is affecting your success at OD at all.

I think worra is probably close to the mark and that there is a disparity between your photos/profile and the reality - whatever that disparity is.

whois · 14/08/2013 08:43

Shock revelation - less people find fat people attractive than normal people!

TravelinColour · 14/08/2013 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 14/08/2013 12:26

I agree, TravelinColour, it does.

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