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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please tell me I'm not wrong

116 replies

Pinkpinot · 12/08/2013 05:58

H in right mood this morning, Monday morning, hates work, stressed, tired, back hurting
But I'm not getting out of bed at 5am to iron the trousers that you knew needed ironing last night
Especially when you have done absolutely nothing all weekend, lay on the couch, and were out on the piss massively on thurs and Friday
He's gone off in a right strop

OP posts:
LoveBeingItsABoy · 12/08/2013 05:59

You are not wrong

FadBook · 12/08/2013 06:00

YANBU

Why didn't he iron them last night?

What did he say about it this morning?

WhenToGo · 12/08/2013 06:01

Yanbu.

pinkyredrose · 12/08/2013 06:04

YANBU! He's not incapable of ironing is he? If he can hold down a full time job then he can bloody well iron.

Original poster
Pinkpinot · 12/08/2013 06:10

The trousers would still be in the washing machine if I hadn't hung them out yesterday.

He huffed and puffed this morning, v noisy, obviously trying to wake me up, then furious because a shirt had a mark on it from dry cleaners, which is my fault because I don't check every inch when they come back
He also had no underwear, which is obviously my fault because he obviously can't be responsible for picking up the last pair and thinking 'hmm no underpants, maybe I'll do a wash load'
Or maybe unpack his suitcase in the front room that has been there for a month

I am usually on top of things. But been away for 4 days, just got back yesterday

OP posts:
Pobblewhohasnotoes · 12/08/2013 06:12

He's a grown man and you're not his mother.

Wearyandworndown · 12/08/2013 06:13

I'm not sure I understand why it's your responsibility to do the washing of a grown man. It wouldn't occur to me to do it. Tell him you've had the weekend off work - like him.

MammaTJ · 12/08/2013 06:42

I don't do DPs washing at all!

I don't see why a grown man would need me to!

Eyesunderarock · 12/08/2013 07:05

Pink, are you usually his laundress, servant and all-round carer and are you changing the goal posts? Have you run after his every whim for years?
I can see no other reason for his assumption that these things are your problem, and as a mother, I'd say exactly the same to either of my children since they turned 13/14 or so.

TheFallenNinja · 12/08/2013 07:23

Full on labour withdrawal usually sends a clear message.

BMW6 · 12/08/2013 07:32

Oh dear, sounds like he's starting to think you are his Mum. Nip that in the bud right now!

nilbyname · 12/08/2013 07:34

Oh dear, what a big baby.

Stile action is needed.

OneToThree · 12/08/2013 07:46

Just stop doing everything for him. Cooking, washing, ironing etc.
A healthy relationship shouldn't be like this.
When I told my 2 year old to not touch the iron they told me "no because it's daddy's". They've never seen me with an iron in my hand.

Original poster
Pinkpinot · 12/08/2013 08:35

I do his washing, I'm at home, he works v long hours, I have no problem doing the washing
I don't iron much, his shirts go to dry cleaners, I think the trousers needed ironing because they had been sat in the washing machine so long

I just think he's out of line, because he knew he wanted those trousers, but avoided ironing them, thinking I would do it
If the children did this with their school uniform, left it til last minute, I wouldn't do it on principle, so they learnt the lesson

OP posts:
HaroldLloyd · 12/08/2013 08:36

I put the washing on as im at home but I do not iron!

You are 100% in the right!

BlackholesAndRevelations · 12/08/2013 08:40

This whole you-are-not-his-mother thing is starting to grate a little. I agree he should have found and ironed his trousers lastnight (or at least asked you to do them lastnight) and he was wrong to whinge on like a child this morning.

HOWEVER- to the posters saying can't a grown msn do his own washing; if he works long hours as the op has just saud, and she's at home, part of her job/responsibilities could be washing his pants if that's what they've agreed.

Some of the feminism on here is a bit extreme in that men are portrayed as useless and lazy when actually in a lot of cases they are working long hours, in physical jobs, to pay the bills. Partnerships should be just that; each person should contribute.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 12/08/2013 08:42

Ps I'm no "1950s housewife" but when I'm at home I wash my partner's pants for him so that he can go out and work hard in comfort Wink

Eyesunderarock · 12/08/2013 08:45

OK, that's slightly different in my opinion then. OH does all the laundry and ironing in our house, I do the shopping and cooking.
I expect my work clothes to be ready and ironed for me, in the same way that he expects us to have toilet paper and bread.
If I was going to change the rules, then I'd warn him first so he wouldn't be sitting on the loo with nothing to wipe his arse.
Same as if he decided that he wasn't going to iron my shirts, I'd expect him to tell me before going on strike.
So were these work trousers, and did he not have an alternative to wear?

lifesgreatquestions · 12/08/2013 08:48

I'm not clear what the agreement is between your two. If he is out early and doing long hours and you're at home and normally do his laundry then he could reasonably expect that you would have done it. Maybe your division of labour needs to be clarified?

OnTheNingNangNong · 12/08/2013 08:52

YANBU. You have been away for a few days, it's not hard for him to sort his own clothing out for a change.

Goldmandra · 12/08/2013 08:57

I'm a SAHM as fighting for educational provision for 2 children with SN is currently making working impossible.

I cook, clean, wash, iron, etc when DH and DCs are at work/school. I have no problem whatsoever with doing it but do throw my toys out of the playpen or go on strike if they start expecting me to pick up after them.

DH and I both put the washing machine on if we're here and it needs doing. I iron what's in the basket when I feel like it see it needs doing.

If DH needs a shirt ironed for work it's up to him to check the night before or get up in time to do it in the morning. It's up to the DCs to check their own uniform the night before school too.

It's not that it isn't my job to iron. It's more that it's his responsibility to make sure his clothes are ready when he needs them.

I would be mighty pissed off if DH started huffing and puffing to try to wake me at 5.00am because he thought I should organise his clothes for him.

Eyesunderarock · 12/08/2013 08:57

I agree Ningnang, but he needed to know that if she usually does the laundry. If she'd said
' I'm not getting out of bed at 5am to iron the trousers that you knew needed ironing '
the night then I'd understand.

My bet is you didn't, OP. You probably thought them and did a lot of glaring.
So, did he iron his trousers or put them on crumpled or wear an alternative? Grin

EagleRiderDirk · 12/08/2013 09:00

I'd agree with the people who say that if its what you usually do then maybe he isn't bu BUT in this case he is bu because you have just got back from a break.

I don't iron. my mil 'enjoys' it so does oh's work shirts for him. she keeps coming round and asking what will happen when she can't do the anymore. I always tell her that oh will just have to learn. when she protests I point out she never irons anything for me and ask her why does she think that is? then quickly tell her its because I purposely buy things that don't require ironing but I'm more than capable of ironing if I need to. if oh insists on wearing a short every day he is going to have to iron them (he doesn't have to wear shirts BTW, he just likes to). oh's answer? I'll just get an ironing service...

Wearyandworndown · 12/08/2013 09:02

So, OP's dh works during the week and expects weekends off.

OP works during the week (different sort of work - but still work) and has no weekend. Still expected to work.

Tell me then, how is this an equal partnership?

larrygrylls · 12/08/2013 09:04

Yes, I hate the self righteousness of posters defending any woman for unilatrerally deciding not to do a traditionally "wifely" job.

If someone is a SAHP of school age children, with all the associated coffee mornings, tennis mornings, personal trainers etc etc and their partner works hard, the least they can do is manage the home to a high standard. That can either mean doing it themselves or delegating it. However, being stroppy and hard done by whilst having a very high standard of living based on their partner's income is plain selfish and wrong. This paragraph deliberately does not refer to the sex of either partner as it is irrelevant.

It is hard to judge any of these threads without knowing all the details of what has been agreed between the parties. I would like to know how much free time both of them have before making a judgment.