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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Please tell me I'm not wrong

116 replies

Pinkpinot · 12/08/2013 05:58

H in right mood this morning, Monday morning, hates work, stressed, tired, back hurting
But I'm not getting out of bed at 5am to iron the trousers that you knew needed ironing last night
Especially when you have done absolutely nothing all weekend, lay on the couch, and were out on the piss massively on thurs and Friday
He's gone off in a right strop

OP posts:

OctopusPete8 · 13/08/2013 17:10

No problemo, hate the trotted out shit.

nickelbabe · 13/08/2013 17:30

I don't see a problem with you ironing his clothes.

I am pretty bloody certain that the main issue here is the fact that he expected you to iron his trousers, without asking you, and without even making you aware that he didn't intend to do them himself.

If anyone wishes an item of their possession to be cared for by someone else, then they have to ask the other person nicely (and every single time they want it to be done)

any less than that, and they are showing you a very major disrespect.

that's the issue here.
(if you normally do the laundry, then so be it, but if they want a specific item of clothing , rather than one you have laundered by cause, then they have to ask you for it and be bloody grateful too)

nickelbabe · 13/08/2013 17:30

(and ask you in good time, too, not at 5am while they have a temper tantrum)

nickelbabe · 13/08/2013 17:34

and just catching up on your latest posts - many people think that needing anti-depressants or other such medication is a failure, is admitting that they can't cope and are less of a person (it's not just men)
there's a massive stigma attached to mental illness, still, even these days.

You could always tell him, explain to him, that you think he's much more of a strong man by taking the antiDs instead of hiding away.
like "I'm really proud of you for being strong and admitting that you need the medication, I'm really proud of you for sorting it out"
and there's no reason why you can't collect his prescription (once he's renewed it himself because of patient/doctor privacy), but again, he has to ask you politely to do it, not just expect that you'll nag him into it.

Fairenuff · 13/08/2013 17:37

If you are both unhappy do you think it's worth considering a separation?

Squitten · 13/08/2013 17:38

It sounds like he has some depression issues that he is taking out on you, regardless of the rights and wrongs of ironing a pair of trousers!

Obviously, you should try to reasonably support him in finding help for this but it requires him to make the effort to get help for himself - you cannot do it for him, you cannot make him take the medication. I think you need to tell him that he either gets the proper help to sort out this depression or you're done.

You are not obliged to remain miserable if he will not help himself.

Original poster

Pinkpinot · 13/08/2013 19:27

I first told him to go to gp 3 years ago, that's how long this has been going on for
The gp only ever gives him 2 months, wants regular appts, which he has trouble with cos he works long hours.
I pick up the prescriptions for him

He's over the initial stigma of taking them
But he's making no effort to eat healthily/ drink less which I think would help

I think I'm done, I have tried and tried and just can't do it anymore

OP posts:

Original poster

Pinkpinot · 13/08/2013 20:56

I think it's time for a separation

OP posts:

EagleRiderDirk · 13/08/2013 21:15

As someone who suffers with depression, I cannot fathom how hard it must be to live with me at times. Its hard being me sometimes. But you've given this over 3 years and tbh I wouldn't think less of you for leaving me if I wasn't properly dealing with it after that long. Well I might, but when I finally got myself sorted I'd realise.

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this is the way though

Sonnet · 13/08/2013 21:30

This has nothing to do with 'division of labour'. Your DH appears to be depressed and very unhappy.

You need to support him and get him to the GP ASAP.

Original poster

Pinkpinot · 13/08/2013 21:34

It's v difficult to support someone who behaves terribly towards you

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HollaAtMeBaby · 13/08/2013 21:41

YANBU! I suspect that his resentment of his female boss makes him treat you even more like his doormat at home. He sounds like a chauvinistic, entitled prick. He must hate working for a woman I hope she kicks his arse and I think you should too. Go on strike.

Fairenuff · 13/08/2013 21:51

Are you ready for a separation pink?

ShellyBoobs · 13/08/2013 22:16

It sounds pretty shit, pink.

I couldn't put up with the excessive drinking and insisting on shirts going to dry cleaners when you can't afford it.

I know that's no help but just want you to know that you're right to be pissed off.

nickelbabe · 14/08/2013 13:36

has the GP explained to him about not drinking and about eating more healthily?
it might help.
also, does he have therapy/counselling? that's a big thing.

Original poster

Pinkpinot · 15/08/2013 10:02

He's had lots of therapy over the years, again I insisted.
He knows too well that he shouldn't be drinking, and he's weighed in at his heaviest ever, but can't seem to do anything about it. I made healthy meal the other night, not a small portion. He announced he was still hungry and ate 4 pieces of toast.

What really upsets me is that years ago, he insisted that my sister couldn't look after dc because she was on antidepressants and still drinking. I had to tell her and she was devastated, at a time when she was very low.

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