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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please tell me I'm not wrong

116 replies

Pinkpinot · 12/08/2013 05:58

H in right mood this morning, Monday morning, hates work, stressed, tired, back hurting
But I'm not getting out of bed at 5am to iron the trousers that you knew needed ironing last night
Especially when you have done absolutely nothing all weekend, lay on the couch, and were out on the piss massively on thurs and Friday
He's gone off in a right strop

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkpinot · 12/08/2013 09:07

Last night when he realised the trousers needed ironing, I suggested alternatives
They are casual trousers, dress down in the summer.
Apparently it had to be those trousers

He ironed them himself and has now apologised for being so shouty, blaming work stress

I think my problem is that after literally lying on the couch all weekend he then expects me to get him ready for Monday morning

OP posts:
Eyesunderarock · 12/08/2013 09:08

Weary, we split the jobs between us when OH was a SAHP.
We agreed what was fair, what our personal preferences were and what to do about the jobs that needed doing that we both hated.
If one of us wanted to change the setup, then we used words to communicate, not huffing and silent glaring. If one of us felt that something wasn't equal or fair, or knew that there was going to be a problem, we let the other know.

Goldmandra · 12/08/2013 09:09

If someone is a SAHP of school age children, with all the associated coffee mornings, tennis mornings, personal trainers etc etc

I wish! Shock

Do you really think that's the average experience?

larrygrylls · 12/08/2013 09:11

Nope,

But judging by the OP's post, it may well be hers. Note, she is SAH but the shirts go to the dry cleaners (at least £500 per annum there alone).

I know it is abnormal across the country but, where I live, it is pretty normal for some.

katydid02 · 12/08/2013 09:11

YANBU, he should iron his own clothes.

Original poster
Pinkpinot · 12/08/2013 09:12

Well in this case, he had a whole weekend on the couch larry!!

OP posts:
OctopusPete8 · 12/08/2013 09:13

Oh god I hate this *& I get very snappy and loose my temper, the thing about kids is a good point on principle.

meditrina · 12/08/2013 09:15

As OP posted that she had been away for 4 days, returning only just on Sunday, it would require a remarkably obtuse DH to expect his laundry serviced in the time available. It's not "extreme" feminism to notice the unfairness in this specific incident. Especially as he had no particular plans for the two days before clean garments were needed.

Original poster
Pinkpinot · 12/08/2013 09:16

Larry
I don't have coffee or tennis mornings or a personal trainer, but I get your point. We don't have a lot of disposable income.
That's not really what this threads about

That's definitely not my lifestyle
H wants shirts to go to dry cleaners, I've suggested I'll wash them, but no.

OP posts:
Eyesunderarock · 12/08/2013 09:17

Well, he's maybe got a point. Otherwise he'd have been shirtless too.
How about an ironing service?

Eyesunderarock · 12/08/2013 09:19

How old are your children, are they at a labour intensive age?

OnTheNingNangNong · 12/08/2013 09:19

The OP has been away, returning Sunday morning. Is it really fair she has to be domestic slave to her husband who has done bugger all for the rest of the weekend?

Eyesunderarock · 12/08/2013 09:20

OH never saw himself as a domestic slave. Confused
We both work full time now, and he still does all the laundry.

OnTheNingNangNong · 12/08/2013 09:20

He washed his trousers, he knew they needed hung and ironed but didn't bother himself to do it. It's not right at all!

larrygrylls · 12/08/2013 09:20

Pink,

As I said, to make a judgment, one needs all the facts. If you work really hard on whatever (household stuff, childcare), then your husband was wrong. If you have a lot more spare time than him and one of your jobs is to help him to go to work looking respectable, then it was your job to anticipate that he would need a clean ironed pair of trousers.

During term time, what do you do with your days and how much free time do you have relative to your husband? I know the holidays are different but, if there is a big inequality in term time, it is fair enough for you to work a little harder in the hols.

HomeEcoGnomist · 12/08/2013 09:21

I don't really understand all the "I don't wash DH's clothes" positions either. So to those that work like this...when you're doing some washing do you just go through the wash basket and pull your own things out!? Why wouldn't you just get all like-coloured items and put them in together? Apart from anything else, you'll probably save money and washing powder!! It's not like you're having to cart it all to a river and bash it with rocks, the machine actually does the work. I am baffled!

Eyesunderarock · 12/08/2013 09:23

Have I condemned my beloved partner to a life of domestic servitude?
He never said.

Fairenuff · 12/08/2013 09:23

Missing the point people.

The thread is about a grown man who knew that he needed to iron trousers ready for work the next day and didn't do it. Therefore he got in a childish strop with his wife.

She is ignoring his behaviour. Is she right?

Hell, yes.

Eyesunderarock · 12/08/2013 09:25

Not missing the point at all, if she wasn't going to do what she usually does, she should have said so the night before. It is unclear if she did so.

Fairenuff · 12/08/2013 09:27

one of your jobs is to help him to go to work looking respectable

Larry how is this a wife's role?

A mother's role to help her young child learn how to wash himself, brush his teeth and hair and wear clean clothes the right way round, yes.

Unless she is a paid butler then, no, this is not part of the wife's role.

How embarrassing for a man to turn up at work looking all grubby and saying, my wife didn't dress me properly today Blush

Eyesunderarock · 12/08/2013 09:28

My job to empty all the various bins and put out the rubbish/recycling/greenwaste. So if I decided not to do my usual job without saying anything, DD, DS and OH might well grumble as they rushed around trying to get the bin out before collection on the morning.
If I'd said I wasn't the night before, they'd have been prepared and done it.

Fairenuff · 12/08/2013 09:28

I'm not getting out of bed at 5am to iron the trousers that you knew needed ironing last night

I think OP has made it clear Eyesunder

Original poster
Pinkpinot · 12/08/2013 09:29

Actually larry that's completely the wrong way round, it doesn't work like that.
I have less time for home stuff in the holidays because the children are home
So because I do the laundry I should have come home from holiday and made sure that he was ready for work?

Fairenuff, thank you, I think some people are missing the point

OP posts:
larrygrylls · 12/08/2013 09:30

"The thread is about a grown man who knew that he needed to iron trousers ready for work the next day and didn't do it. Therefore he got in a childish strop with his wife."

It is also about a grown woman who knows she needs money to live. If the OP's husband decided he didn't fancy getting up for work, the OP would be rightly annoyed as THAT IS WHAT HE HAS AGREED TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE RELATIONSHIP. I cannot see people putting the argument that she is a grown woman and should make her own money, though....as it would be plain wrong. In a partnership, people have agreed jobs. If they suddenly decide not to do them for no reason, their partner will be rationally irritated.

I am not saying that is the situation here but I still want to know the general division of labour during term time. The OP has not replied to that.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 12/08/2013 09:31

Missing the point people.

The thread is about a grown man who knew that he needed to iron trousers ready for work the next day and didn't do it. Therefore he got in a childish strop with his wife.

She is ignoring his behaviour. Is she right?

Hell, yes.

This. How is the OP supposed to do the laundry when she's not actually at home? If her DH managed to get as far as washing his own trousers, why couldn't he extend that to hanging them up to dry or remembering to chuck some pants in the wash too? The huffing and puffing, expecting the OP to get up at 5am to do the ironing is just not ok, regardless of whose responsibility the laundry was in the first place.