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Original poster

Dh will time consuming hobby

133 replies

SpanishLady · 11/08/2013 09:18

Just wondering how unreasonable I'm being by wanting to hit my dh over the head with one of his 6 cricket bats?

I'm 27 weeks pregnant with twins and have a 2.9 year old. I work full time with a 3 hour commute. We pay my mum to look after our toddler during the week.

My dh plays cricket every Saturday leaving at 12 and returning between 9-10pm. I'm fed up frankly as its beginning to take a physical toll on me - I get the season is nearly through (well late September and the twins may have arrived by then) so it's not so much about his doing it now but I've gotten to thinking why on earth does he think this is ok? He knows I have back and hip pain and his answer is to just not go out and says he looks after him on a Sunday ( well until I get up) so what's the problem?

We are also arguing about decorating the babies room - it is not just a lick of paint, it needs plastering and new flooring but he wants to leave it until after Christmas as wants to enjoy relaxing now and then get the twins in a routine. I have gone mental so he has backed down but not without a lot of 'get off my back' ' stop whining' comments.

He is generally a good guy so am increasingly bewildered about how he seems to be regressing into single man attitude. I'm not sure i like him very much to be honest and just want some support when I'm feeling so tired and weaker then usual.

OP posts:
clam · 13/08/2013 13:45

Is he having a bloody laugh? A season ticket for the football?!!! Shock
I sincerely hope you haven't fallen for this?

Flobbadobs · 13/08/2013 15:10

'Our' team does partial season tickets now, it might be better for him to look into those if they do them while D is still young. Early bird prices are usually fairly reasonable as long as you don't support a top tier club.
Actually I would be fine with this, it's something they can do together, it's funny how much bonding goes with it, DH and DS have only given them up this season due to financial reasons.
The whole atmosphere and pre/post match activities become a kind of ritual, I think it would be good for them both. And you and the twins of course!!

Flobbadobs · 13/08/2013 15:11

DS was 3 when he got his first season ticket btw x

daftdame · 13/08/2013 15:35

Oh, these sporty types get them young, don't they? Grin

I think the DH is determined to have like minded children, but if you think it is a ruse and not for DS, it is not really on, is it?

ImperialBlether · 13/08/2013 15:43

I just can't see how a season ticket for the football is going to help anyone.

You have told him you will need his help in September. He then tells you he's going to get a season ticket for himself and your son. So you'll be left with the twins on your own?

Is he taking the piss?

And never mind getting your hair done. If you're working full time you should take yourself to the hairdressers and he should look after your son, or get someone to come to the house.

Book yourself a cleaner. Don't go emptying rooms and taking stuff to the tip. Let him do all that. You're working full time with a long commute and pregnant with twins, for god's sake.

ImperialBlether · 13/08/2013 15:44

Flobbadobs, it's not that his son should go to see the football, it's just that he's replacing one treat for himself with another and thinks he's doing everyone a favour!

Loopytiles · 13/08/2013 15:45

There are umpteen other ways for the H to spend time with his 3yo DS, and the twins too.

The H is proposing something he'd like to do, that will eat up lots of time. On top of his form for being selfish. It's like a man who has had an affair and been taken back suggesting romantic weekends away with his wife!

ImperialBlether · 13/08/2013 15:46

Did anyone else's blood pressure rise when they read about the season tickets?

clam · 13/08/2013 15:47

Surely the afternoon would be better spent looking after all three kids while the OP gets her head down for a bit. He can "bond" with his son down at the park just as well.

Jeez. This guy's good!

Flobbadobs · 13/08/2013 15:49

Oh I see that Imperial but the knock on affect is more bonding time for him with DS, time for the OP to be with the twins, less time him actually being out of the house-no time for pubs with a toddler in tow- and as I said it can become their thing, just something for them to do not every week, just home matches. Whether he realises it or not he's actually come up with a fairly nice idea!

clam · 13/08/2013 15:50

And he must be laughing his socks off that he's got you to shut up just by offering to pay for a haircut for you. Isn't that kind of an essential that should come out of central funds anyway? But you're grateful for it?

I'd up-grade that to a pamper day at Champneys or something, if I were you. For you and a friend. And knock the season ticket brainwave into touch while you're at it.

clam · 13/08/2013 15:52

Flobbadobs I'm afraid I think he's come up with a fairly shit idea. If he wants to bond with his ds, he could start by being home more, instead of pissing off for 10 hours every Saturday and leaving his wife to do all the chores when she's about to drop twins.

CMOTDibbler · 13/08/2013 15:53

My dh had lovely ideas about taking ds to watch the rugby. Well, its taken till he's 7 to watch a full match, and even then its not exactly a relaxing experience for dh.

I think your dh needs to think about what the reality for all of you is going to be, and that time as a family is what you will all need

ImperialBlether · 13/08/2013 15:54

Flobbadobs, he walk his DS to the shop every weekend morning to buy a newspaper and then take him to the park every weekend afternoon with a football and then give him a bath every weekend evening and his DS would be as happy as Larry (whoever he is.) As it is it'll involve 5 hours out of the house and his son won't have a bloody clue what's going on.

Flobbadobs · 13/08/2013 15:55

Oh, missed the haircut. Sod that, look into something long running like a club, yoga or excerise class that you can do after the babies. Then he can look after all of them...

ImperialBlether · 13/08/2013 15:55

How many hours pw cleaning would football tickets cost?

clam · 13/08/2013 15:56

And he won't be getting his dad's attention anyway, as he'll have his eyes glued to the match which was the plan all along.

Flobbadobs · 13/08/2013 16:00

Fair enough, I'm in a sports mad family so I look at it a little differently. (Even the requested sodding playtent for DD1 has had a sports theme... Confused)

expatinscotland · 13/08/2013 16:01

Pay for a haircut? WTF? Big deal. And it's not about 'helping' you it's about doing his fair share.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 13/08/2013 16:02

How many hours pw cleaning would football tickets cost

An excellent question imperial I think the money should go on a cleaner / decorator instead.

Op - well done for getting him to take stuff to the tip, if he is a hoarder that's no mean feat. Hope the pregnancies going well.

Gracie990 · 13/08/2013 16:05

I think with young children each partner needs time off. One day a month is fair.
You need family time.

clam · 13/08/2013 17:05

I'm in a sports mad family too. That's why I hate it.

TabithaStephens · 13/08/2013 17:07

Did he play cricket when you first met him?

clam · 13/08/2013 17:07

And why is it taking stuff to the dump and charity shop FOR YOU?
Is not some of it his stuff? Why is it your job to do that?

coppertop · 13/08/2013 17:13

So the 'compromise' still boils down to your dh doing something he wants while everyone else fits in around it.

He gets the perfect excuse to watch the football and get out of caring for the twins or doing any of the drudge jobs.

Your 2yr-old has to try to stay still for a couple of hours while daddy watches the football.

Meanwhile you're at home looking after newborn twins.

I suppose you at least have to appreciate the irony of "He said he is of course up for being a dad of 3" being followed immediately by "came downstairs last night to say he has looked into a season ticket for him and our son for our local football team".

And what's the plan if ds doesn't like going?