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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To no longer lend anything to anyone. Ever.

122 replies

Brainbleach · 11/08/2013 09:07

I've just got a bag out of my cupboard that was last used by a friend when I lent it to her and its bloody broken. The strap is missing and the clasp has been snapped off, though of course this wasn't mentioned when it was returned.

I think this is happening more and more, either things are coming back broken, or they're taking months to get back, or they're not coming back at all. I'm sick of it.

WIBU to implement an absolute rule of not lending anything to anyone? It seems a bit uncharitable but I'm fed up with effectively buying things for other people all the bloody time.

OP posts:

RobotHamster · 11/08/2013 09:08

YANBU. I had to do this long ago. Don't lend money either. I do lend to a few very trusted people though.

Sparklingbrook · 11/08/2013 09:09

Yanbu. I hate borrowing stuff too so I don't. Too much responsibility and worry.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 11/08/2013 09:09

Maybe you could be more circumspect about who you lend things to?

But perhaps YANBU.

LindyHemming · 11/08/2013 09:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gallifrey · 11/08/2013 09:31

and when you keep asking for it back you are the one that seems a bit arsey!
I lent loads of my favourite dvds to a friend and apparently his house was broken in to and they were all stolen...

OverTheFieldsAndFarAway · 11/08/2013 09:39

YANBU. IME few others treat borrowed items as you would yourself, and to return items broken is beyond the pale. I will give my time and skills but never my things. There is a lot of sense in the saying....Neither a borrower or a lender be.

SEmyarse · 11/08/2013 09:43

We lent the inflatable kayak to next door, he said it got a puncture so he chucked it. Who does that? It cost £80.

Then his daughter came round in a state saying she couldn't get to work, and could she borrow our bike. So we lent it. Dh came in from work at midnight to find it lying in their garden in torrential rain. So we have now decided to not lend anything.

Since heard on the grapevine that the kayak got sold at the pub!

Nagoo · 11/08/2013 09:43

I think you need to look at who your friends are! If I broke your bag I'd tell you! I'd be offering to replace it or give you the money.

I rarely get asked to lend things TBH. I sometimes lend out DVDs (and I've borrowed some) but haven't had a problem yet....

chanie44 · 11/08/2013 10:06

I agree. I can see it from both sides though.

OH had borrowed his mates extension lead. We've had it for years - his mate knew this and was happy for OH to use it. A few weeks ago, he called up OH at 7am demanding he brought it around immediately as he needed it to start his car. We have two preschoolers which OH would have had to wake up. Luckily, I had the day off work so he didn't have to wake up the children.

I lent my sister an expensive baby changing bag when DN decided to put in an early appearance. She broke the zip on it. I was because I was expecting no2 myself and I know she had put too much stuff in it, which is why it broke.

I've said to OH that we shouldn't lend anything out or borrow anything ourselves as it always causes problems.

Tee2072 · 11/08/2013 10:22

I lend things with the expectation that I either will not get them back or will get them back damaged.

Therefore I do not lend anything expensive or precious to me.

Branleuse · 11/08/2013 10:25

dont lend anything that you dont mind not getting back.

cardamomginger · 11/08/2013 10:34

YANBU. I leant someone a hat about 7 years ago. Not seen hide nor hair of it since. And it's not been for want of asking.

cardamomginger · 11/08/2013 10:35

LEANT???! What??? Sorry - functioning on 2 hours' sleep.

desperateforaholiday · 11/08/2013 10:39

I don't lend anything out anymore, you never get them back, one friend has my cake pop maker and my dsis has most of my summer wardrobe which she borrowed last year.

dreamingbohemian · 11/08/2013 10:40

Yes exactly -- I only lend things if I'm okay with never seeing them again

Unless it's one of my friends or family who I know will be responsible about it.

I don't feel too bad because I almost never borrow from anyone either.

MissMuesli · 11/08/2013 10:44

I try not to lend things out aswell unless its someone I really trust! It does seem unfriendly but I don't have the money to replace things that get broken!

cushtie335 · 11/08/2013 10:50

A friend of ours kept borrowing camping equipment from us and every time it ended up broken. This happened to 2 tables and 2 airbeds. We loaned them our campervan and the clutch was fucked when we got it back. Also, it was running on fumes, they hadn't even bothered to fill it up with petrol. I was trying to be kind as they're a bit skint and it was the only way they could get a holiday, but it became apparent they were just taking the piss. Now when they ask, I just say "no" politely.

SuburbanRhonda · 11/08/2013 10:53

at SEmyarse

VivaLeBeaver · 11/08/2013 10:56

YANBU.

A good friend of mine borrowed a very expensive Outwell tent and swore blind it was bone dry and clean when put away. I stupidly trusted her - next year it was mouldy and wrecked. DH was not happy.

Another friend recently asked to borrow my expensive cycle and I felt bad but I said no. I couldn't trust someone else to look after it/lock it up, etc.

javotte · 11/08/2013 10:57

YANBU. A friend borrowed our mincer. I told her to wash it by hand. She bunged the whole thing in the dishwasher. When she gave it back, it was completely oxidised, and when I unscrewed it hundreds of tiny pieces of dried minced meat fell on the floor.
She still swears she took it apart and washed it in the sink.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 11/08/2013 11:04

I am now very careful who I lend things to. My brother has form for borrowing tents to take to festivals and them never being seen again. He asked to borrow ours last time - but luckily I had plausible excuse all ready.

Sparklingbrook · 11/08/2013 11:04

I borrowed a keyboard (musical) from a friend when DS2 was 4 at pre-school. I came across it in the loft 2 months ago. DS2 is 11.

I felt awful. I don't see friend at all any more, but wracked with guilt I drove it round and thrust it into the arms of her bemused DH.

I bumped into her in town a few weeks later and we had a good laugh about it, and we are going to meet up for coffee.

So don't lend me anything you can't live without for 8 years.

digerd · 11/08/2013 11:04

Brought up on my late parents ideals of "Neither a lender or borrower be".

I did lend some things but either they were given away to somebody else they have no more contact with or come back damaged.
So YANBU. I have never borrowed from anybody.

digerd · 11/08/2013 11:05

nor

xuntitledx · 11/08/2013 11:07

Ugh! I never lend anything but DH does all the time and then gets annoyed when things are never returned despite numerous requests...

I used to lend quite freely but the seemed to become a 'payday lender' with a few "friends" leading up to the day - as a one off, fine but they started taking the piss and it was then every month that I was lending. It came to a head when I had to fight to get some money back and at the time I was saving up for a house deposit. Suffice to say, I'm no longer friends with these people!

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