To no longer lend anything to anyone. Ever.

[Brainbleach]

I've just got a bag out of my cupboard that was last used by a friend when I lent it to her and its bloody broken. The strap is missing and the clasp has been snapped off, though of course this wasn't mentioned when it was returned.

I think this is happening more and more, either things are coming back broken, or they're taking months to get back, or they're not coming back at all. I'm sick of it.

WIBU to implement an absolute rule of not lending anything to anyone? It seems a bit uncharitable but I'm fed up with effectively buying things for other people all the bloody time.

yanbu I stopped lending things long ago my dad has broken too of dh electrical things (a strimmer and a drill) not even sure how he did it, lent a friend a portable tv so her kids had something to watch about 15 years ago she moved taking the telly with her and I have been stung with money too, I just dont do it anymore op ,

I try not to borrow things because I find it too stressful looking after them. I only lend things that I'm not too worried about coming back. Or to a few people who I know are respectful of things. I'm always happy to give away things I've finished with though.

Yes it is stressful borrowing things. I hate it - I now say to people, look, this is lovely of you but you know what our house is like, and my children, and I'd rather not borrow it unless you are prepared never to see it again - not that I let things get lost or broken deliberately (and we very rarely borrow things anyway) but because I'd rather not have to think about someone else's stuff.

I remember borrowing a big garden fork once from a neighbour - I think he was really surprised to get it back cleaned and oiled, a couple of days later. I'd rather get my own really as then I can treat it how I like!

my aunt lent me her carpet cleaner I was so stressed in case i broke it I didnt use it and got a man with a cleaner in to do it

I totally understand that mrsjay. If we borrow anything I am always saying to the Dc 'remember it's not ours' and worrying about it getting broken etc.

Aunt had offered it to me i did protest id get the man in she brought it down It sat in the hall for 3 days I dont borrow anything

YANBU.

I might be unlucky with my friends, but whenever I've lent anything it has come back ruined.

1. Favourite and almost brand new dress to a friend when we were in our teens. Her boyfriend grabbed hold of her arm on the dance floor and ripped it at the shoulder. Not repairable, sadly.

2. Another friend borrowed my bike a few years ago. Got her skirt trapped in the wheel and decided to abandon the bike by the side of the road. It was a bit old and tatty, but who does that to stuff that doesn't even belong to them?

3. Someone borrowed our dome tent to go camping. Packed it away while wet and never dried it out. When we eventually got it back and unfolded it the tent disintegrated into pieces.

That is just the tip of the iceberg and not one of those friends offered to pay a penny.

Can't remember ever asking anyone if I could borrow something of theirs.

However, have lots of experience of lending things out which then come back NOT in the condition in which they left our house! What is it with these people?

I never lend out anything anymore - if you need such & such then do what we had to do - go out & buy it with hard earned cash.

However this is a learned response, which hasn't yet filtered down to our teenage children.

We didn't buy that tripod so that DS's friend could use it for HIS camera for weeks on end

But that's exactly what happened recently in spite of DS repeatedly asking for its return. Had to go round to friend's house & ask directly in the end. Produced without a word of thanks, naturally

we used to have a static caravan and i lent it to people I knowreally well, anyway there was juice stains a ring on the table infact a few cup rings dotted about and my sink draining board was melted a bit as a pot had been pu t on it and they didnt realise plastic melted , sometimes it doesnt pay to be nice

Me too Rooners!

LavaLamp, what on earth happened next? Are you still in touch with that thief friend? I hope you called the police!

My mum is a private tutor. She lent a whole box of French teaching materials to a neighbour whose daughter wanted to teach herself French.

When mum asked for them back about a year later, the neighbour had THROWN THEM OUT while having a clear out. Why would you do that with someone else's stuff? She only lives next door FFS- why didn't she drop them round? I'm totally in agreement with the saying 'neither a borrower nor a lender be'.

My Dad lives in a village where there is a club that has various diy tools which members can borrow.
One day a random stranger knocked at the door wanting to borrow a tool from the club. Dad said he didn't have it but could give him the secretarys details so he could find out who stored it. The man was very shirty with Dad (who was in his seventies) and said Dad must have it as he had driven past and seen him using it. Dad explained that it was his own item so the man said he would just borrow that then!!

Luckily dh and I had overheard the conversation so we were able to intervene and tell the person to bugger off!

I remember lending stuff when I was about 12/13. Once I lent my saxophone to a really nice girl, she wanted to try it out before getting one for herself - they kept it for quite a long time and I remember having to ask for it back, because I hadn't finished with it myself and was still using it. But they gave it back in perfect condition and I think with some chocolates or something. I just felt so awkward having to ask iykwim?

Also my teacher asked if her daughter could borrow all my Judy Blume books. She seemed to think it inequitable that I had all of them and her daughter didn't. She was a horrible, sarcastic teacher who hated me anyway. She kept them for months and months - I can't believe it happened tbh. I did get them back but was made to feel awful for asking. Horrible cow she was.

It makes me so reading these. I honestly think some people are borrowers (not in the miniture sense) and some people are lenders, and borrows are just a different type of person to your average lender (piss takers usually) I used to always lend things and money to people and never get it back (reckon I'm easily owed about £500 from lending various tenners and twenties to so called friends over the years!) I don't understand how people can claim to forget, on the rare occasion I've borrowed anything it's always on my mind and I pay back as soon as possible.

My NDN is typical of a 'borrower' and used to borrow our lawnmower all the time but never, ever puts in petrol, we borrowed his strimmer ONCE and he tried charging us £3 for fuel! I've also given them countless cups of sugar, teabags, fags,£1 here,50p there, which I didn't mind and never asked for anything in return despite the fact we are really struggling. Last week I asked if I could borrow a little but of sugar for a cup of tea and breakfast and he rolled his eyes, gave me literally a couple of spoons of sugar and declared "that makes us even now". I know it's only small stuff and I'm owed alot more by others but it's his attitude. A if he's doing us a favor grr.

It's really sad reading all this, so many people that think they're entitled to other peoples hard earned things. So few people seem to appreciate how much things cost, and that you should look after your stuff. My Mum & Dad taught me that, so why don't others think the same way?

Did you menton the fuel he used when he said that?
Like you I genuinely don't understand these people

SPB- When I gave it back he tilted it to check for fuel and said "oh I thought you'd have filled it up" (I used it for about 3 minutes max, my lawn is tiny compared to theirs) so I said sarcastically " oh well I would have taken some out the lawn mower but for some reason it's empty and I'm not about to walk the strimmer 2 miles to the nearest garage when I've got DS" he muttered something about I'll speak to your DP about it and looked really pissed off. The daft thing is I started to feel really bad about it!

Anyway later on he pops his head over the fence and says " have you got that 3 quid for the petty, I filled it up for you" I honestly thought I'm gonna cry about this, I'm such a wimp and sent DP out talk to him. He then gives DP some sob story about how he's just spent his 3 year olds pocket money on that fuel and he would neve have done it if he'd known we were going to be so unreasonable about it! luckily DP is a no nonsense kind of guy and basically told him to fuck off and come back when he's sober (NDN not DP ) and oh yeah they're so broke that they had Sky fitted the day after and then had the nerve to boast about what packages they had and how much it was costing. Arsehole.

Bloody hell!
Whenever I read these "sense of entitlement" threads I always think that there will be a point where people sort of see the light and think "OMG I was being a total wanker" - it's just a case of when do they get there? But that isn't the case is it? Some people just don't actually think they are ever out of line.

I think some people are just on a different planet tbh, thing is his DS is showing the same attitude, demanding sweets but not sharing any with my DS, always asking to borrow my DS's toys when they play out front but rarely bringing anything of his own out (incase it gets broken ) oh and then telling my DS he can't even play with his own bike etc, all while NDN just stands there saying nothing (fumes)
Final straw came the other day when I'd accidentally left DS's remote control car out front after he'd come in, went out to get it and said to NDNDC "this is DS's isnt it?" (they're the same age, similar toys so best to check) and he screamed "No it's not it's mine, I got it for Christmas" and went to take it inside! luckily NDN's DW (who's more reasonable) overheard and said it wasn't but didn't tell him off for lying. I need to start standing up for myself more don't I? For my DS sake if nothing, I've been a doormat for too long, writing it down is making me realise this.

Good luck Pirate yes you do need to stand up for yourself! Do it now!

It took me years to learn it, honestly, but its worth it I promise you! Be prepared for outrage, hurt, shock - bullies can't actually believe it when you stand up to them (ie. go 'off script') but it feels sooooo good !

I don't even lend stuff to my sister. She's still got my suitcase from February.

This depends for me. I know someone who I've lent £200 and £50 very occasionally to and have ALWAYS got it back and on time. I wouldn't lend it to them say every month though. I've currently lent a book to a friend of my mum's who took it abroad and I'll be keeping tabs on it.

Sometimes there can be accidents - after a family party my mum broke one of her best friend's earthenware dishes which the friend had cooked a veggie shepherds pie in for my mum by mistake. But my mum tried to replace it and was honest and this certainly isn't an every day occurrence.

I have lent money to a good friend of mine (set up a mobile phone bill and account when she couldn't get credit and she paid me back) - it was stressful is all I can say. I did it for her but would not do it again.

Like others have said here I try to do now as my nana said re money "Never lend money and expect it back, give as a gift if you can afford it". I think that's the best way. On the otherhand - books, etc I see no harm in asking for them back, broken?? I don't know what to say. just don't lend clothes etc that you don't want ruined. No explanations just don't lend.

I one lent a beautiful woollen winter coat to a friend who WASHED it in her machine and handed it back crumpled and shrunken without even a sorry. I was gutted, it was expensive and I've never found one I like as much. I now only lend things I can bear to lose.