AIBU telling my friend to man up and stop feeling sorry for himself?

[Jolleigh]

On facebook Friday evening, a not too discreet friend of mine had a rant about how her OH (who I met her through and am friends with too) had gone to bed really early in a strop, leaving her to deal with a new born, a 3 year old and a very messy house, with both kids crying.

She seemed to be getting some support from their families on there and I don't particularly agree with airing dirty laundry on facebook so I messaged him instead to check everything was ok.

He got back to me today and I have to say I'm absolutely bloody livid.

He's pissed off that the government won't give them any cash towards the rent now that they've had their planned 2nd child.

I'll give you some basic background. He works in a low paid job and is determined there's no point in trying to get a better one because he has no qualifications. His other half has never worked and they say it's because of the children despite her not working before they were born either.

The reason the government won't give them any more is because between various benefits they're already getting in excess of £200 a week on top of his wage.

He's always spending money on his car and they both smoke and drink frequently, have decent phones etc... so they do have spare cash.

Myself: age 25 and have held off having a child until now as me and OH agreed we needed a better combined wage to stay comfortable. Now between us earning in excess of 50k (on similar wages to eachother) but each working bloody hard to get to where we are.

I tried to gently explain to him that most people only plan to have children when they can afford to bring them up, explained that the government doesn't have an endless pot of cash etc...

He then told me that he should be entitled to more because of 'all the foreigners who come to this country and get housed in £2m houses.'

I then told him he's bloody lucky to get the help he does and that he shouldn't have actively planned to have 2 kids that he obviously doesn't think he can afford.

He's now not talking to me.

AIBU? I have the same background as him and we've had similar opportunities in life. I made what I could of myself and he didn't. Should I have had a bit more sympathy?

notanyanymore - now THERE'S a point this crowd certainly won't like

Although apparently we have to be a certain age to make that point...

Corrine - you are suggesting I write off a friend because of one disagreement? You sound like a lovely person.

Any hoops the OPs friend has had to jump through to get his measly pittance of a benefit are pretty stringent, I suppose if you've never been through that it might be easy to believe the lower end of the media that they just dole it out to every workshy, lazy arsed fucker who asks for it.

Agree with why bring in his racism as a side issue to the benefits?

Surely it should be the other way round?

( and you're not a laydee, or prim, are you LRDY? )

Not entirely, no, agent. You saw through my cunning disguise.

If you find out they're racist and you're not, it's more than just a disagreement isn't it?

Lovely.

To be fair to the OP, it's shit when you find that a friend is racist, it's not like anyone enjoys the experience.

Most of us, of course, haven't already built up a large and self-affirming dossier of reasons why the 'friend' is horrible, but there you go.

Well you don't sound very friendly towards them.

Thank you for saying that you think I am lovely. I sometimes have bad thoughts about people as everyone does but I don't start threads on major forums about them so perhaps you are right and I am quite lovely

My spreadsheet source confirms that you are indeed lovely Corrine.

Not like that LRDY.

Agentzigzag - having previously had to jump through those hoops, I can honestly say I know what that part of it is like. I can only apologise if I'm coming across as attacking the system itself as it's helped me out in a tight situation.

As long as I get a place on the spreadsheet, I'm past caring if that place says 'not lovely'.

You sound lovely LRD.

Now you can join me in the actual lovely poster cell which I created with my post about loveliness and ended with a passive-aggressive smiley coda!

Ok, sorry about that.

I'm not totally sure how you and I disagree and what I've said that's upsetting you. It sounds as if we more or less agree here.

I should say ... this may show I'm really stupid and missed the double-bluff somewhere, but I was agree with agent and thought we were teasing.

If not, then I was very rude and I'm both sorry, and more than a bit confused.

You and Agent, obviously.

She is also lovely, but a bit suspect with the spreadsheets and all.

OMG multiple x-posts. I am going to bed.

Everyone is lovely!!!

Ahh, I just wasn't suspicious enough.

I expect the problem is how they only issue spreadsheets with benefits.

Ooh blimey

Didn't mean to kick owt off.

It was just leg pulling.

Maybe I should postpone laminating the spreadsheets?

You don't laminate your spreadsheets?

Well, I do believe corrine and I are about to request our absence from such a ridiculously un-official data system.

I don't run them by the fucking data protection act, laydee.

(Although you could try the freedom of information act, but I do charge admin costs for copies)

I find it almost hard to believe MN hasn't yet been forcibly inducted to MI5.

Have they not?

Oh.

I knew they were leaving me out of something!

It's nothing compared to what they get up to on Netmums

Poor posters get desensitized to the dripping water torture tickers.

Truly, we should be petitioning the government.