To state that suicide is NOT a selfish act ?

[Coffeenowplease]

Really riled by this. People who commit suicide are ill and by the nature of their illness cannot think rationally so therefore cannot be "selfish" and think of the damage it causes to others.

I am so angry by this I had to make a post just to get it out.

Feel free to discuss.

People might not understand why some people think its selfish but it all seems to be personal experience. I would rather think my mum was selfish for what she did then accept it was likely my fault that she did it.

That is probably selfish of me and I am punished everyday for it with the fear of her doing it again therefore I try to live my life without her help so when/if she ever tries and succeeds I know I am independent enough.

Oh, I think I'd better hide this thread. I feel compassion for suicide bombers, and a great deal more of it for bridge and train jumpers. Complaining that people aren't considerate enough when killing themselves is one level of selfishness too many for me to bear!

Bathseba ... What about the ice creams? Hold on for an ice cream! 🍦

Expat ... ♥

Exactly, garlic. My journey as a bereaved parent is just beginning, yet have had support, from those who lost their children from suicide. Their child is dead, and all they want is what we all want: our children back.

SP, it couldn't have been your fault. So sorry that thought bothers you.

It very well could have been garlic my mum has never told me why and my dad told me its better if I didn't know why, for my sake. Something happened to me, brought up memories for mum and month later she attempts that.

No other reason for it. So yes at 15 I viewed my mum as selfish. It might be idiotic but that's how I dealt with it and how I am still dealing with it.

Think I will just hide the thread now

I use to think that suicide was a selfish act.

But then 1 year ago I was diagnosed with major depression disorder.

It's hard to describe my thinking, as I don't think the same now, and also thoughts don't always translate to paper. But I'll try.

Life felt like one long pointless exercise. Drudgery, that was never going to end. I didn't see any enjoyment in it. It felt like someone had given you a shit repetitive job, that you had to do every day for the rest of your life, and there didn't seem much point in doing it to me at the time.

Sorry if that sounds like wallowing in self pity. I admit I wasn't thinking/ feeling like I am now.

But I don't see it as selfish anymore. I see that its probably a desperate attempt to put an end to something that engulfs you and the only way to end your unbearable existence.

I was adamant that when I killed myself I would make it so there was doubt over my motives, specifically so that it could be seen as an accident.

I agonised over how to do it, how to leave my husband and children free to find another mummy - DH is gorgeous and the kids are brilliant - they will move on and find someone who is worthy of this family.

I wanted the boys to know I did it for them, to free them from me, their never ending burden. The one who would fuck them up. They deserved a better Mummy.

I didn't want to die, I didn't want to fuck them up, but I knew that I couldn't be alive and not with them so death was the only option.

I was fuck all use as a human being, I sabotaged everything that was good in my life, I knew I had to be away from the beautiful perfect little human beings in my care.

I am such a fuck up that the car battery died before I did. I couldn't even do that right.

Now since 2008 I have had heaps of therapy, and have no intention of killing myself, but I will never forget the clear and rational thought process that I went through. I remember feeling envy when I was told that a friend had committed suicide. Most if the time I am a considerable distance from feeling so desperately worthless and sad. but there are times that it comes and bites me in the bum.

Since then I will never judge another persons decision. It is ok IMO to acknowledge that it is a pile of shit to deal with for those left behind, whilst understanding that for that moment, a human felt they had no other options.

There are people who kill themselves in malice, but I would put alot of money on the majority of suicides being desperate people who perceive there to be no alternative.

Boozy - I find it incredulous you that you'd think I gain some satisfaction over being right or wrong. I want empathy for people and calling people selfish is not empathetic. You have also assumed I am not suffering a bereavement which is untrue. I lost my best friend to suicide and I ache for her every day. She was not selfish, she was ill. Her memory does not deserve to be tarnished.

I am trained and experienced in mental health. I am passionate about awareness. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings; If you feel a loved ones suicide was selfish, that's your prerogative although as a PP said you will never know their reasons. I will not and will never entertain anyone making a blanket statement that suicide is selfish though because that is harmful.

I have come back to this thread because I believe we need to move forward in how we view mental health. I also want to apologise to Altinkum as I was harsh and unfair. I appreciate we all have our own crosses to bear.

A brave post, Never.

thanks expat.
That is just the thing about people not talking about suicide, and what comes before it.

My lovely friend lost her husband to suicide, their baby was 6 weeks old.
He sat by the baby's cot every night after she was born to keep her safe, and after such a significant lack of sleep he was given some sleeping pills from the doctor. They made him dream about stabbing his gorgeous daughter and hurting her.
In order to prevent that from happening he killed himself.

Totally and utterly tragic, from the happiest day to the most gut wrenchingly sad in 6 weeks. selfish.. no.

everyone gone to bed?

I'm still here never was going to go to bed but suddenly cant sleep

Sorry to hear about your friends husband.

never you sound like you've been to hell but thank God you made back

no i was just reading yours posts

it was very honest what you have posted its hard being so honest thank you

and how tragic for your friend :( terribly terribly sad

the flowers are ace I just really do feel like waving a banner for people who need MH support

Me neither SPs I've now got a banging head a lump the size of a football in my throat

I'm just thinking.

oh dear, do you get tonsilitis?

Never it is one of the leading causes of death in Scotland for a reason. You are selfish. You are not thinking of others. You should do something.

The shame, the stigma. On top of, in many cases, very serious mental health issues.

Ouch expat, that was harsh..

Are ALL those people selfish? Third leading cause, and in some areas, second after accident.

I have known and been supported by parents whose children died from suicide, from drug overdose, from possible accident, from murder. Do you know what they go through? I hope not!

It was bad enough, after our child died, to be given a half sheet of A4 paper to take to the council to register our child's death.

These people are not allowed to lay their children to rest without inquests and courts.

I cannot imagine how horrible that is for them. The last thing on their minds is, 'My child is selfish.'

Ah I see that we are in passionate agreement.

I thought you were saying that i was being selfish and that i should do something about it. eek...!!!

I decided that if I were off the scene, my dh could find another woman (he works in healthcare setting and I figured his colleagues and team members would be queuing up) who would be a better mother to my dc than I could ever be. I went as far as setting a date.

That was some time ago, but even now I have moments in which, although I know rationally that my dh and kids would be worse off without me, I can't feel it - I can't feel/believe that I would really matter that much. I am entirely safe, I would not take that step. But I find it very hard indeed sometimes to actually have any kind of emotional sense of what it would mean to those I live with. I find myself thinking that the loss would be limited to my salary and my logistical and organisational services.

'Selfish' is such a loaded word, full of condemnation. People can do a 'selfish' thing for reasons we could only feel great compassion for them for. (sorry terrible grammar, am a little the worse for wear, hence such a candid post)