To want to know why rape is so common?

[AnneNonimous]

And want to understand why it happens?

I have been raped twice, once as a 14 year old and once as a 20 year old. I'd say 99% of the women I know have been raped at some point in their lives too. Growing up I almost accepted it as some kind of right of passage. It was just something that happened to women.

I was discussing this with a good friend of mine recently. She has been raped before and said she thinks its something all men have in them. She revealed to me that her husband had told her when he stayed the night at a female friends house recently he had imagined raping her.

I don't believe her, or don't want to believe her at least. I must admit my faith in men is extremely sparse and my life experiences have probably left me bitter but I do have a dad and a brother and I wouldn't want to believe they could ever be capable of being a rapist. I am disturbed by what my friend has told me about her husband and have never liked him but also know there won't be much I could tell her to make her see this.

But the fact still remains that it's very very common. If not rape then some kind of sexual abuse/assault. Aibu to want to understand why this is?

The law is quite clear, kitty.

Trying to bribe a 14 yo into showing you their tits is illegal.
Groping someone's arse is illegal.
Wanking at someone is illegal.

Do you want the law changed, just because in your personal opinion these things "don't count"?

Any unwanted sexual touching is an assault kitty therefore any incidence of that could be reported if you wanted. Most women wouldn't bother as they've been taught to put up with it.

It is true that most men do not rape (but given the high number of sexual assaults an awful lot do) but it is also true that all men benefit from the rape culture that controls women's freedoms with the threat of rape. We live our lives consciously or subconsciously trying to avoid anything that might provoke violence from men, whether that be travelling to the wrong country, going out after dark, wearing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing or being too clever or successful for our own good. We go through our lives trying not to be tall poppies or conspicuous in any way in case that attracts the wrong attention. The rape culture we live places limits on every aspect of women's lives and that is very convenient for men.

Are you being deliberately obtuse Nice?

Cailin - I agree. That is clearly not what Nice is talking about, hence my confusion.

Many things are illegal - they are not all 'sexual assault'

Annie's post is basically it.

That right there. That's why rape is so common.

Whether you choose to believe it or not.

It was not your fault grumpy.

Thank you Giant. I hadn't quite made that link before.

grumpy corrinne and others - all I have is the MN line here. I believe you. It's pathetically little I know.

And rape is common because every time someone suggests teaching boys about boundaries, consent and respect, there are outraged shrieks that the suggestion is that all men are being accused of being potential rapists. Instead of understanding the point is that boys are receiving messages from the media and society around them that they are entitled to women's bodies and sex. It's not intrinsic. No one is saying your son was born to rape. But the high rate of sexual assault and the Everyday Sexism Project make it very clear that the education of men in these matters needs changing, and fast. And it needs to start at home.

sexual offences act 2003 which applies to England and Wales. Just in case anyone needs to brush up on what is and what isn't illegal in terms of propositioning children and stuff.

I know cailin my point is though if people know they'll try and find a way to blame me. The alternative is to acknowledge that absolutely anyone can be raped and they don't like that. It's not a pleasant concept, so no matter how TRUE it is they go out of their way to deny it.

I googled and this was the first thing that came up

Nearly one in 20 women in England and Wales - an estimated 754,000 victims - have been raped since they were 16, according to Home Office research.

www.theguardian.com/uk/2002/jul/23/ukcrime.alantravis

Oh, so you are being obtuse

Very unhelpful and pointless when you refuse to answer direct questions Nice.

WilsonFrickett it is not pathetically little!

It is enormous compared to, "Oh do calm down Corrine and have a cup of fucking tea or something"

I believe you.

Best thing MN has ever done IMO.

I know grumpy. How do you feel about the whole thing?

Don't engage. Let ra posters see calm logic, it might sink in.

There's that righteous indignation again - completely out of context and wrong but hey hoo, who cares?

for your tea

I only wish I was physically a lot stronger IYSWIM. When he pinned me down and put weight on my chest I couldn't breathe. I tried so hard to push him off but couldn't. Tbh the more I tried to fight the more encouraged he seemed to be.

If I'm totally honest sometimes I fantasise that there had been a knife in reach then I could have stopped him. Obviously I'd now be a convicted murderer but some days I can't be completely sure that that would have been such a bad thing. .

The I Believe You campaign is stunningly simplistic and obvious...and yet the best solutions often are.

I believe every single woman on this thread who has shared her story. Because the alternative is to condemn them as liars.

And I don't.

I believe you.

Kitty goadiness is against the talk rules. People are pouring their hearts out here, can you not calm it down a bit?

I agree. I suggest you refer that post to the one who is actually goading Wilson. I have already said I do not want to engage or have an argument.

I can totally understand that.

Can that be an end to personal insults?

Sorry the "I understand"post wad for you grumpy.