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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... To think DH WON'T be able to keep the sex a secret from me!?

60 replies

212VIP · 06/08/2013 21:15

This is DC3.
We found out with the first two what sex they were. We have one of each. I HONESTLY don't care this time what the sex is.
Am planning (fingers crossed) a homebirth as first two births were straightforward and second was super-quick.
I'd really love to have DH tell me the sex when it's born.
But he is ADAMANT he wants to find out the sex at the 20 week scan.
I'm only 14 weeks so we have a while to discuss!
I just don't reckon he'll manage to keep schtum.
Add into the equation a meddling MIL who has already said she doesn't care about my opinion because SHE wants to know so she can plan ahead.
If DH knew she'd wheedle it out of him and then they'd both know.
And there is NO WAY IN HELL she'd be able to keep quiet. She'd enjoy spoiling it for me.

Help! How do I talk him round??

OP posts:
CocacolaMum · 06/08/2013 21:19

You tell the sonographer as you walk in that you don't want to know.. no persuading needed then. He will get over it

BlackeyedSusan · 06/08/2013 21:19

tell the sonographer that you do not want to be told the sex of the child.

SoulTrain · 06/08/2013 21:21

Just put your foot down and say you're not finding out this time and as you have with the first two you're expecting him and mental MIL to be reasonable.

And don't budge.

Cailinsalach · 06/08/2013 21:22

Hmmm. Interesting.....
Can he insist on being told or can you veto whether or not?
If you did/could withold the info, should you?
Dilemma!
(this could make a good tv show)

CheeseOnTop · 06/08/2013 21:23

I think that if one partner does not want to know, then you don't find out. Just tell him that your not finding out, end of.

Beastofburden · 06/08/2013 21:24

Just to be mean for a moment...

He really, really wants to know.
You really, really don't.

Sabotaging it as you walk in the door is maybe not the way to go- it pulls rank. Maybe as you are the one who is pregnant, you feel that's fair. But is it? It's his baby too of course.

Why is he so keen to know?

Entirely sympathise with not trusting your MIL. If you want to try the "you know, I won't" route he will have to do something special to convince you that he can be trusted not to tell her.

Original poster
212VIP · 06/08/2013 21:49

beast he's just like that.
Knowing = being in control = coping.
I'm curious obviously. I just don't want to cave in the scan room.
Nor do I want it to become a cat fight in front of the sonographer. They're a professional after all. Surely they won't get involved in whispering to one person so the other cant hear??

OP posts:
Beastofburden · 06/08/2013 21:56

No, I am sure that if you do it that way, the sonographer will not tell you. I just wondered whether there would be a massive row later, if that's how you do it.

On how you might get him to see it your way.... Perhaps you could make "plans" for either scenario so he feels he would be in control of either, but ask him to have both ready? Not sure myself what plans these might be, as you already have all the clothes and gear you would need, so perhaps it's just names....

Original poster
212VIP · 06/08/2013 22:09

He won't discuss names til baby arrives. Regardless of finding out the sex...

OP posts:
Saffyz · 06/08/2013 22:10

Your body, your scan, your choice.

tinkertitonk · 06/08/2013 22:12

Damn, thought this was going to be about the sex that DH was having with someone else.

ChippingInHopHopHop · 06/08/2013 22:13

Try rational discussion during the next 5 weeks - if you can't convince him or he can't convince you then just tell him you wont be finding out & that if he can't agree to that, you wont tell him when you are going to have your body scanned.

McNewPants2013 · 06/08/2013 22:15

Did you want to know on your other 2 children or did your DP guilt you into it.

picnicbasketcase · 06/08/2013 22:17

He should be allowed to find out if he's that desperate to know. I really wanted to find out with my first pg but the hospital had a policy of not telling or even looking themselves. Why can't you ask them to write it down for you and you can choose not to read it if you're equally desperate not to know?

peggyundercrackers · 06/08/2013 22:18

IME the sonographer will only tell the mother - if the mother doesn't want the father to know the sex the sonographer wont tell them.

Englishroses · 06/08/2013 22:18

He won't be able to keep it a secret.

Anomaly · 06/08/2013 22:19

A friend of mine didn't want to find out but her DH did. So she agreed for him to be told and to keep it secret from her. I think it was about 12 hours before he let it slip! So you need to agree. Maybe baby will be uncooperative and you won't find out.

glamourousgranny42 · 06/08/2013 22:19

I honestly don't understand why people are desperate to know the gender of a child unless there are health issues involved. What difference does it make? A baby is a baby surely! ?

TempusFuckit · 06/08/2013 22:25

This is such an easy secret to accidentally let slip, given the preposition issue.

Glamorous - we found out second time round for practical reasons, eg being able to offload all the boy clothes before our girl arrived.

morethanpotatoprints · 06/08/2013 22:26

Why not tell him that you understand how he feels but if he knows and you don't you will be able to tell from his reaction [really milk this, how you only have to look at him to know what he's thinking, blah blah] Let him know how important it is to you and leave mil out of the equation its not her baby, and if he doesn't know, she won't either. If he tries to talk you round just keep spouting about how unfair it is as you really don't want to find out. If all else fails get stroppy you're pregnant its allowed Grin

tigerfrog · 06/08/2013 22:34

My DH asked at my 20 week scan the sex of our DD1. I did not want to know. He then managed to keep it a secret, although had great fun bluffing and double bluffing, throughout the next 20 weeks. I was completely surprised when she eventually arrived.

TempusFuckit · 06/08/2013 22:36

*pronoun

Leeds2 · 06/08/2013 22:56

Tell the sonographer that you don't want to know, and you don't want anyone else to know either.

TheDoctrineOfAllan · 06/08/2013 23:19

Mil aside, I think you have to agree whether or not you both find out.

Toss a coin?

mayorquimby · 06/08/2013 23:35

Think it's a bit of a stretch to extend the "your body your choice" when the choice has f all to do with body autonomy

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