... To think DH WON'T be able to keep the sex a secret from me!?

[212VIP]

This is DC3.
We found out with the first two what sex they were. We have one of each. I HONESTLY don't care this time what the sex is.
Am planning (fingers crossed) a homebirth as first two births were straightforward and second was super-quick.
I'd really love to have DH tell me the sex when it's born.
But he is ADAMANT he wants to find out the sex at the 20 week scan.
I'm only 14 weeks so we have a while to discuss!
I just don't reckon he'll manage to keep schtum.
Add into the equation a meddling MIL who has already said she doesn't care about my opinion because SHE wants to know so she can plan ahead.
If DH knew she'd wheedle it out of him and then they'd both know.
And there is NO WAY IN HELL she'd be able to keep quiet. She'd enjoy spoiling it for me.

Help! How do I talk him round??

Emily, what nonsense!
You seem to be suggesting the OP use her feminine wiles, as it were.
It's her body, her wishes.

He would not be able to keep it a secret.

DP and I wanted to know the sex of DC2. But as he wasn't able to attend the scan, I took my mum. She's always gone on about wanting a surprise, so when I was asked if I wanted to know, Mum stepped out the room so she didn't hear.

But, because I found out it was a boy, it was so very, very hard to avoid saying anything that would give the sex away. I gave up in the end.

I might consider letting him know. However before we went I would definitely be saying in front of mil - we aren't finding out and if anyone is ignorant enough to continually ask and override our wishes we plan on saying its a (boy/girl - you pick) just to shut their mouths.

Make it as rude as you want.

Dh has to agree, or say he doesn't know end of.

^"what nonsense" "feminine wiles"^

I'm not suggesting using her feminine wiles (although that might work )? OP asked how she could talk him round. I suggested strategies (making physical contact, talking about positive elements of the situation/ common ground) that are considered useful in persuasive communication. You can disagree with me but that doesn't make it nonsense.

Stick to your guns! We did the same as you - had DC 1 and 2 (both of which we knew the sex) then DC 3 was a surprise. It was lovely as we both thought it was a boy but it was a girl - not that we had any preference at all for which it was but the fact our gut feeling was wrong sort of made her more special as she was unexpected if you see what I mean....

When I was expecting DD2 DH decided he might like to find out this time, I still really didn't want to know as I think the moment of DH telling you once the baby is born is so special. I trusted him to keep it a secret but I was worried that if I knew he knew then I'd read too much into his opinions on names/toys/clothes etc and he might inadvertently give the game away.

We took a bit of card and an envelope with us, asked the sonographer if she would write down the sex she thought she could see and then seal it up and give it to DH. He then popped it in his pocket and promised he wouldn't tell me if he'd opened it or not, that way I wouldnt know if he knew and couldn't look for leading clues etc. The only other proviso was that if he did look he wouldn't tell anyone else either, it was special insider knowledge for him only.

It worked for us, I never saw the envelope again and when DD arrived it was a lovely suprise :)

In your situation it comes down to whether you trust DH to keep schtum or not. Otherwise I'd have to say I agree that ultimately it's your decision.

I'm fairly certain that in our area they won't tell you anyway, but in the event we WILL NOT be finding out! I'm outvoted 3-1 in this house, but only in a light hearted way so I will be stamping my feet! Ive got two teenagers, one of each sex, and I just think that its nice to not know until the moment you give that final push, everyone breathes a sigh of relief and then you get to look and see what you have.
I'd like everyone to be included in the birth of this baby If possible, and I would love the dcs to be the ones to do the looking.

Hmmm.

Opinions on just letting DH read this thread??

Bunp

Let him read it. and then spell it out, that Mumsnet opinion is far more important than his! not really
Seriously, let him read the thread and he will hopefully see how many people have tried one person knowing and the other not, and how often that doesn't work.