To think being admitted to a psych ward is a major red flag?

[JaffaMyCake]

Need some help on this one mnetters!

Friend is 'seeing' a man who has just told her he has recently been in hospital on a psychiatric ward. He hasn't/won't disclose the details of why and friend hasn't pushed on the matter.

AIBU to think this is a major red flag and tell her to steer clear?

Or is this discriminating against MH issues? I do realise they can affect anyone and are not always a signpost of abusive behaviour. Friend has no children involved.

But Morris thats great that you feel that confident but surely you can see why not everyone would feel about to shout the details of their illness from the rooftop?

PrettyKitty, it was you who said that you didn't discriminate because of 'unjustified' prejudice, so I just wondered what justified prejudice you might use instead.

Shock horror - people with MH problems are just like all people. Different. A bad experience with one person with a MH problem does not translate to everyone else with a MH problem.

I have been in hospital both informally and on a section (a section doesn't mean you are violent, it just means you need people to make some decisions for you), it doesn't mean anything about me as a person other than I am a person with MH issues. I am a bit :( that some people seem to be saying that going in voluntarily with depression is ok, but being sectioned because you are psychotic is not, it is not as black and white as that.

I wouldn't tell someone I had just met the ins and outs of my problems but might mention it to explain why I missed the first five months of this year (for example).

As long as they take it slowly, as anyone should in a new relationship it should be ok.

The fact that he has been in a psych ward is not a red flag.

That he has been in recently is more of a concern. I would want to know that he was recovered from his illness before starting a new relationship.

If somebody had had heart disease or cancer would you see that as a 'red flag' too?

sirzy, surely with dipping your toe, you'd reveal something small first? I know if I choose to disclose my MH stuff I start with something small and clear (nothing vague) to see how people react. To people with no experience of MH issues, psychiatric ward sounds like a big deal and is very vague.

Hypothetically: would you rather find out that your paramour is a bigot or leave them in the dark to let their own imagination run riot?
He has already dropped the hint, How long is it fair to let someone fall in love with him before either putting their mind at rest or telling them what they may have to support with later on down the line?
I speak as someone with MH probs of my own plus experience of working in mental health and of having family and romantic relationships with people who have MH issues.
I have been naive many a time and taken on responsibilities I really couldn't cope with.

Some of the posts on this thread just prove ignorant arses still exist and that the stigma is huge.

Fucking shit.

Yes, people are incredibly ignorant about MH issues still. In RL I don't tell anybody 'new' about mine.

Evening.

This thread is actually really sad.

We haven't moved on at all have we? Stigma and prejudice remain staring us in the face.

What on earth does the OP mean by saying that "mental health issues are not always a sign of abusive behaviour"? It would make as much sense to say that "cancer is not always a sign of abusive behaviour".

This is the second thread I have seen recently equating mental health problems with "red flag". If someone doesn't want to get involved with a person facing mental health difficulties then fair enough -- it might indeed be challenging. But there is no need to dress up this reluctance as a fear of abuse. Gratuitously stigmatising.

Yes, it really is Time To Change

Tiredemma - when I was ill even my friends and family backed away from me. It was as if they were afraid of me because I had been deemed ill enough to be in hospital.

Spikeytree - I suppose it was bad wording on my part.

Let me reword it - some people would not view this as a red flag due to prejudice.

I feel really sad reading this too. Surely showing blanket red flags to people because of the presence of mental health problems means you might miss out on getting to know some extraordinary people. This man may make your friend very happy but he certainly won't if your friend puts up a barrier and writes him off before giving him a chance.

OP I've been sectioned, I'm the mother of five children, I've never hurt anyone in my life, I've never even smacked my children, I've been teetotal since I was eighteen and have never touched any illegal drugs and haven't smoked. Thank God my dh of 25 years didn't see the fact that I was once severely depressed (been discharged from all MH services for about 11 years and meds free for 15) was a reason to steer clear don't you think?

No shouldn't be a red flag any more than being admitted to hospital for anything else should be.

If he was willing to say he had been admitted (it's a big thing to admit, brave even) but unwilling to say why, then I would consider if I wanted to become heavily involved.

I think if your friend is in a new relationship she needs to take things slowly, get to know the person, look after herself and take all sensible precautions. This has nothing to do with his MH issues, just common sense.

He did not have to tell her about his stay in hospital but he did - THAT IS A REALLY GOOD SIGN NOT A RED FLAG
It is not a red flag that he does not feel ready to tell her in detail yet - maybe he is fragile and gets upset talking about it, maybe he really likes her and wants her to get to know him before sharing his problems with her. Maybe he was worried that if he left it till later to tell her, she would then totally overreact bout his secrecy and run a mile?

You might tell a new man you had just been in hospital but not want to say it was to have your piles sorted.

If his MH issues were anything remotely violent or he was in someway a danger to your friend or trying to deceive her, he would not have even told her about the admission.

As long as your friend is doing the things in my first parag, then butt out and stop judging someone you don't know and something you clearly do not understand.

Because it seems odd to me to be willing to admit one thing but not the other.

MH issues are indicative that somebody is likely to commit domestic abuse either. In this day and age it's a little bizarre you would think that.

Are NOT not are!

Shit!

Lottie - that is really sad, yet not a suprise. I think that one sentence alone probably explains why this man is reluctant to disclose too much too soon. If friends and family will back away then how is a relative stranger (albeit one who they are in a new relationship with) going to react?

I think by openly volunteering this info, knowing as I am sure he does how odd some people are about MH issues, then it shows he has all the right intentions. Maybe he is trying to suss your friend out, see if she is the right kind of woman for him - or a prejudiced bigot - before bearing his soul and letting himself get more involved

I am going to be controversial. Some people with MH issues are very difficult to live with and be in relationships with. If his stay was recent and he was ill enough to be admitted to a psych ward I would want to know a lot more about what I was potentially taking on.