To think being admitted to a psych ward is a major red flag?

[JaffaMyCake]

Need some help on this one mnetters!

Friend is 'seeing' a man who has just told her he has recently been in hospital on a psychiatric ward. He hasn't/won't disclose the details of why and friend hasn't pushed on the matter.

AIBU to think this is a major red flag and tell her to steer clear?

Or is this discriminating against MH issues? I do realise they can affect anyone and are not always a signpost of abusive behaviour. Friend has no children involved.

[Spikeytree]

hermione, why is that controversial? Some people without MH issues are difficult to live with and be in relationships with. Some people full stop.

[ButThereAgain]

This OP reminds me of why I never ever mention to anyone in real life that I have stayed in a mental hospital.

[Alohomora]

It's great that he feels safe enough with her to admit that he has spent time in a psych ward, but reactions like yours should make it obvious why he might not feel comfortable to tell your friend everything about his condition.

Telling new people about mental health problems can make you feel very vulnerable, especially knowing the stigma still attached to it, and he might feel to vulnerable to discuss his problems fully. It's in no way a red flag and, as others have thankfully pointed out, has NOTHING to do with whether someone might have abusive tendencies or not!

[ButThereAgain]

Or, rather, I mentioned it to the one person who I thought had a right to know -- the man that ended up as my husband. Thankfully he turned out not to be a dick about it.

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

Hermione I can be controversial too - some people with green eyes are very difficult to live with. Mental health issues alone are not a red flag. It really bloody is time to change!

[5madthings]

ffs no it is not a red flag.

i was admitted to a psych unit, i went as if i didnt go they were going to section me. i had social services involvement with our children to make sure we were all ok. it was a horrible time for us all. thankfully my dp didnt think it was a 'red flag' he saw that i was ill and needex support.

ditto our very best friend from uni has mh issues and has been hospitalised a few times, he is still an 'uncle' figure to our children. when i had to rush ds3 to a&e on sunday it was him that i called to come and watch my other four children.

i try and be quite open at the mh issues i have had. i certainly dont see it as anything to be ashamed of but i can see why people feel its something they should hide when i read threads like this.

[AnneTwacky]

I think that some of the attitudes I've seen on this thread, are a big part of why he and many other people, find it so hard to open up.

He's been ill, he shouldn't have to feel bad about it.

[idiuntno57]

are you as bigoted in RL as you seem?

I have been in a locked ward. Only harm I was ever likely to do was to myself. There are a million reasons why he may have been in hospital. If your friend is a better person than you sound then she will stick around and find out about her bf who may one day feel comfortable enough to talk about it. With friends like you a looong way away.


It is people like you who make being honest about mental health issues VERY hard. I hope one day you will wake up to yourself and feel ashamed.

[hermioneweasley]

Candy, it is my experience that the MH illness is more likely to be inherently difficult, as opposed to eye colour. In my family we have bi polar disorder, OCD, and paranoid schizophrenia. Also significant alcoholism and former drug users as individuals tried to self medicate. I stand by my statement that these are inherently hard on the close relatives and partners.

[mollycuddles]

IMO it's none of the op's business
I hope her friend gets to know him and gives him a proper chance and only dumps him if he turns out to be a twonk or they're incompatible and his mh has no impact
Fwiw I had PND. I know 2 men well who have the same mh diagnosis. One is fab. The other a lazy cocklodger. Who'd have thought that a diagnosis doesn't define you?

[HeffalumpTheFlump]

Butthereagain - snap

This thread has made me fucking angry. I hope you never go through what I've been through that led me to be hospitalised. I hope that there is another way for you to open your eyes. My dh is a million times the person you will ever be because he saw me, not a mh condition, and not just some person who had been hospitalised. I shall tell him that it should have been a red flag though, he's obviously a complete moron for 'taking me on' as some posters have put it.

I'm going to hide this thread now because anything further that I would like to say to you people would certainly be deleted.

[SneakyNuts]

And this is why I feel I can't tell anyone about my MH issues.

Including new boyfriend, nice to know it would be seen as a "red flag"

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

Hermione Would you say that a relationship with a person who is a wheelchair user is likely to be 'inherently difficult'?

[overwhelmedandangry]

I think it could be a red flag but without knowing what for or what the ongoing diagnosis is you really can't say.
We have a family member who has recently been sectioned - he will never have contact with my children again. Nothing to do with being in hospital bit what he did to result being admitted to hospital. The things he said and did cannot be forgotten and we can never let our guard down. I know he wasn't in his right mind but I can't risk that it happens again, I must put my children first. We were lucky that no one was seriously hurt, although I will forever be haunted by what my husband and I witnessed that day.
Your friend needs to know before deciding but I hope beyond all hope that it's not our family member that she is seeing ( I say this because he is active on dating websites)

[idiuntno57]

by the way I have no idea what this bloke is like but he appears to have been judged by the OP on grounds that have little bearing in fact

[Sirzy]

But overwhelmed - things like that can happen without any mental health problems.

People here are trying to judge literally millions of people, with one of hundreds of conditions which fall into the "mental health" umbrella with no information at all. That is so sad in this day and age that just the words mental health are met with such fear and ignorance.

If someone was start a post to say their friend was seeing a "black man" should that be a red flag would that be acceptable? I would hope not so why is it acceptable when it comes to mental health?

Some people need to remember that anyone can become mentally ill at any time in their life. If that were to happen to you would you want people running scared and thinking of you as a potential abuser?

[SneakyNuts]

Heff

[LEMisdisappointed]

annetwacky can i just say - LOVE the name, i have a friend from liverpool and was telling me about things being "twacky" I have now adopted the saying myself.

As for the OP - have a to go with your ignorance. There is a campaign running at the moment that is encouraging people to be up front and open about mental health issues. Its called Time to talk and it is trying to stop the very sort of ignorance that you have displayed here. Red flag? really??? Being honest about something that has happened to him a red flag? wow! would it have been better if he just kept shtum about it?

To be fair, if a new partner told me they had to be on a psych ward, i would want to know some details, not because it was a red flag, but if i cared about someone i'd want to know how to support them. As someone who is very open about my MH issues, I have experienced some prejudice - school mums not allowing their children to my house for playdates because im on ADs (im a fecking site calmer than them! ha!) but I am also please to say that my friends and the people who matter have stuck by me and haven't judged.

[martha2013]

I wonder what level of difficulty is seen as worthwhile when 'taking on' somebody. Is it worth getting to know a person who is blind, someone with diabetes, someone with hayfever?? If someone's life is harder to manage than the 'normal' 'average' person are they best avoided from the outset?

[LEMisdisappointed]

oh, hold on - not only have the mnet massive diagnosed that the guy must be a psychopath, but they may have even identified him, with a warning that he should be kept away from children - I don't have the words

[SneakyNuts]

I actually felt strong enough to open up to those close to me this week

Then this thread appears and I think fuck no.

[LEMisdisappointed]

Did you have a good time Fourgates?

I have reported this thread because i feel that it breaches the rules regarding discrimination, i sincerely hope that MNHQ feel the same

[idiuntno57]

martha lets all be barcoded with an instantly readable download of all our health issues and negative personality traits e.g. small minded judgy fucker then we can weed out people like the OP from our friendship groups .....