to ask why is it frowned upon to remember things some posters' say

[fluckered]

without actually doing a search, why is it not ok to perhaps ask a poster who previously posted for example "I have twin boys both starting school son" who then asks for advice on how to adopt for example as they don't have children .... "hang on a second, I thought you said last week you have twin boys". why is this frowned upon? people are accused of doing advanced searches when some people actually have a good memory or remember a thread as it resounded more for them than others ... and are asked "eh, what has that to do with this thread". am genuinely asking. wouldn't be for someone following a poster around and tearing shite out of everything they post ... but why cant a poster's posting history be questioned if there are obvious inconsistencies?!

I suppose the other thing is if someone recalls something about a poster from a different thread, then that information is posted on another thread with details about something else it could easily out poster because there is loads of information about them in one place.

I'm fairly sure if someone tracked through every post I've made anyone who knew me would recognise me but they would be unlikely to from any single thread.

Also small inconsistencies like age/gender of children could easily have been edited for privacy reasons if it wasn't an important factor in whatever was being posted about.

I'm another one who is quite impressed some of you can remember what people have posted before tbh, I definitely can't 99.9% of the time.

I'm not sure what the official stance is but my feelings on it are that if someone is posting on this forum, it's usually for advice and support and I don't think 'catching someone out' for being unthruthful is very conducive to providing this for them.
There is such a wide variety of people on here, many with very difficult lives and there could be a massive number of reasons why someone might be inconsistent or lie or exaggerate.
One of these reasons could be that they are struggling to accept their situation, although there are a million others.
I don't feel that rounding on a poster and accusing them of being deciteful shows much compassion and I feel that if there are genuine concerns for the wellbeing of the op there are better ways of handling it than 'outing' them.

Okay Friggin - how do I do it?

& can you believe I just attempted it!

I just told you not to.
Did you feel a bit stupid with your arm bent up and your tongue waving out the side of your mouth?
Unless you have a long tongue and/or really short upper arms its not possible.

Hullo all,

This is one of those sticky issues that depends a lot on context. It's not against our guidelines to bring up posts from other threads, though we would generally encourage folks to try and take people at face value.

Having said that, it's inevitable that you will, in the course of MNing, remember things about certain posters, and feel it pertinent to involve these things in the current discussion.

We feel, that as long as it's done when relevant, and in a polite and constructive manner, that it's ok.

It only becomes an issue when past posts are used to attack or accuse the OP of being false. In these instances, they'd come under our guidelines, and we'd delete them.

Or, here's an idea. You could get a life and stop concerning yourself with the minutiae of stranger's lives.

You did tell me not to & I still did it - you obviously had a profound effect on me & I shall remember you for ever. Ha.

Extremely embarrassing Xposts.
I was replying to Friggin.

what we're supposed to do is report and cite the inconsistencies noticed, IIRC. Is hard sometimes though - I also tend to remember all sorts of random things for no reason at all.

WRT the name change thing - posts pre name change stay as the name they were posted in. Also PMs in an ongoing correspondence are labled as from whatever name the correspondence was started in, from to protect privacy. So, say I send a PM now, then immediately NC to MrsTomato but carrry on the correspondence all the PMs in the correspondence I started as Lettuce will still be from Lettuce even though I may be posting left, right and center as Tomato.

x posts (many)

I do like "you were shot with a ball of your own shite" :o

I have a lousy memory and can't remember names, let alone whether they previously said they had a pet unicorn and 3 DDs, and now have a dodo and 4 DSs. But do I think some people change details quite deliberately, but not for any trolling/malice, just so that they remain anonymous and are less outable, and that's fair enough.

I frequently remember stuff about posters because I have an excellent memory for stuff I read (as opposed to being shite at remembering stuff I'm being told ).

I just don't bother posting about it very often.

I have been deleted in the past for saying that something was clearly bollocks. So I am a good girl now, I say nothing Not a bloody word.
Which is why I have half the sodding board hidden

MaryZ where have you been? I havent seen you for aaaaggges

How dare you have a RL?

If you spend a worrying large amount of time on MN (which I'm guilty of) yes of course you start to notice other regular posters and pick up on the broad sweep of the story of their lives. Especially those who often post in some of the smaller areas of the site.

So when a poster who's talked fairly frankly in the recent past about issues to do with her marriage and financial position starts a thread which ignores these serious issues, issues which would make the scenario she's describing in her current thread impossible, I find it worrying. Either she's been exaggerating problems in the past, or she's airbrushing problems in the present.

Well thats good then MaryZ, long ,may it continue eh?

I could happily put mine in the attic for the rest of the holidays. But its not allowed apparently.

I'm with you op. it's one thing to alter some details, but when you are giving advice, that you demand insist be taken, you better be talking from a position of knowledge.

If it's shit stirring bollocks, then big off. I too have a photographic memory. People don't like it.

..also some posters tend to stay on specific topics so its always the same people debating the same subject, you gradually start to have a profile of each poster and their leanings.

My memory is terrible.....what were you talking about again?

@DameDeepRedBetty

If you spend a worrying large amount of time on MN (which I'm guilty of) yes of course you start to notice other regular posters and pick up on the broad sweep of the story of their lives. Especially those who often post in some of the smaller areas of the site.

So when a poster who's talked fairly frankly in the recent past about issues to do with her marriage and financial position starts a thread which ignores these serious issues, issues which would make the scenario she's describing in her current thread impossible, I find it worrying. Either she's been exaggerating problems in the past, or she's airbrushing problems in the present.

Nothing wrong with large amounts of time on MN

We think that it's fine to mention previous situations, if it done with intention of helping the OP. We might have an issue if it was done in a way that was accusatory to the OP.

For example, say I had posted saying that I'd had an allergic reaction to kitkats, and you'd given me loads of helpful advice about how to avoid kitkats in the future. If I were then to started thread saying "AIBU to eat this massive kitkat for my lunch", you'd be quite within your rights to say, "hang on KateS, seeing as you had a nasty reaction to a kitkat recently, it might be best to give it a miss". However, it wouldn't be ok to say "God, you know that's going to kill you - you're either lying about your allergy or are desperate for attention you silly cow". In the latter example, my posting history has been used to attack me, and infer that I am making stuff up (troll hunting).

Does that make sense?

I agree Maryz, a thread which has just been deleted (and a very good thing too) was full of nasty remarks. I found it very late on and read it with horror, the OP is someone I've interacted with a lot on here on all sorts of subjects and who I've always felt I would get on well with in RL, although I don't agree with some of her choices.