Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk

Back to thread
Original poster

to ask why is it frowned upon to remember things some posters' say

5 replies

fluckered · 06/08/2013 14:02

without actually doing a search, why is it not ok to perhaps ask a poster who previously posted for example "I have twin boys both starting school son" who then asks for advice on how to adopt for example as they don't have children .... "hang on a second, I thought you said last week you have twin boys". why is this frowned upon? people are accused of doing advanced searches when some people actually have a good memory or remember a thread as it resounded more for them than others ... and are asked "eh, what has that to do with this thread". am genuinely asking. wouldn't be for someone following a poster around and tearing shite out of everything they post ... but why cant a poster's posting history be questioned if there are obvious inconsistencies?!

Go to post
MNHQ

KateSMumsnet · 06/08/2013 15:12

Hullo all,

This is one of those sticky issues that depends a lot on context. It's not against our guidelines to bring up posts from other threads, though we would generally encourage folks to try and take people at face value.

Having said that, it's inevitable that you will, in the course of MNing, remember things about certain posters, and feel it pertinent to involve these things in the current discussion.

We feel, that as long as it's done when relevant, and in a polite and constructive manner, that it's ok.

It only becomes an issue when past posts are used to attack or accuse the OP of being false. In these instances, they'd come under our guidelines, and we'd delete them.

MNHQ

KateSMumsnet · 06/08/2013 15:46

@DameDeepRedBetty

If you spend a worrying large amount of time on MN (which I'm guilty of) yes of course you start to notice other regular posters and pick up on the broad sweep of the story of their lives. Especially those who often post in some of the smaller areas of the site.

So when a poster who's talked fairly frankly in the recent past about issues to do with her marriage and financial position starts a thread which ignores these serious issues, issues which would make the scenario she's describing in her current thread impossible, I find it worrying. Either she's been exaggerating problems in the past, or she's airbrushing problems in the present.

Nothing wrong with large amounts of time on MN Wink

We think that it's fine to mention previous situations, if it done with intention of helping the OP. We might have an issue if it was done in a way that was accusatory to the OP.

For example, say I had posted saying that I'd had an allergic reaction to kitkats, and you'd given me loads of helpful advice about how to avoid kitkats in the future. If I were then to started thread saying "AIBU to eat this massive kitkat for my lunch", you'd be quite within your rights to say, "hang on KateS, seeing as you had a nasty reaction to a kitkat recently, it might be best to give it a miss". However, it wouldn't be ok to say "God, you know that's going to kill you - you're either lying about your allergy or are desperate for attention you silly cow". In the latter example, my posting history has been used to attack me, and infer that I am making stuff up (troll hunting).

Does that make sense?

MNHQ

KateSMumsnet · 06/08/2013 16:30

@fluckered

that's true Maryz. and in that circumstance if someone posted that things had changed and gotten better in the mean time i'd totally understand. its the defensive nature of some, and other heroes defending them that get my back up. the in your face contradictions that have ye banging your head against the wall and you are wondering why does no one else see this - but YOU are the bully, and the note taker and the troll hunter. I guess in your going anon be anon ... or if querying something being blasé and not give too much detail and if your gonna lie, remember them!

as Judge Judy would say you don't need a good memory if you tell the truth. god, day time telly sucks! Smile

Gawd bless Judge Judge.

You've raised a few interesting points here fluckered. Firstly, if there are blatant contradictions that have really got you puzzled, it's always a good idea to drop us a report to let us know. It may be that they are someone we need to ban.

As other posters have mentioned, it's always worth remembering people and their circumstances change. I could have posted 5 years ago saying I would never have have kids, but if I turned up on a BFP thread, we can't necessarily assume that I'm trolling, as a lot could have happened in the interim.

People may accuse you of all sorts, and get huffy if you mention past threads, but as long as you post in a considerate manner, you know that you're within the guidelines, and there's nothing they can do.

MNHQ

KateSMumsnet · 06/08/2013 16:32

@Maryz

Stop talking about chocolate.

ds came home the other day with a multipack of Double Deckers, ffs. I'm normally a non-discriminating chocolate eater, but Double deckers are really bleurgh.

DP loves Double Deckers and gleefully bough some "cake bar" versions as a treat. Bad and wrong.

MNHQ

KateSMumsnet · 06/08/2013 16:52

@Oblomov

MN Helen ; "accuse the OP of being false" = against MN guidelines. See, I hate this. I have a problem with this. I don't think its fair or right.

I have seen threads like this. Many times, over the years. And sometimes the poster gets well and truly caught out. But we're not allowed to say that? Hmm

The reason we have this rule of troll hunting is to protect posters. It may be satisfying on the odd occasion where a troll is caught out on a thread, but without the techy wangdoodles that MNHQ have, there's no way to know for certain whether someone is a troll (and we don't always get it right either). And if you don't know for certain, you're accusing a poster who is looking for advice of lying.

Unfortunately, this has happen enough times for us to know that it really hurts people, so we really do think it's a useful and necessary rule to have.

Watch this thread for updates

Tap "Watch" to get all the latest updates

End of posts

There are no more MNHQ posts on this thread

Back to thread