to think this child is too old to be exposing himself?

[JenniBoo]

Bit of a back story... was delighted when a young family bought the house next door. After the previous elderly couple (who would complain about noise and balls going over the wall etc.,) I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths).

The first hint that they were not our sort of people became apparent almost immediately. They are both heavy smokers - they must smoke at least a pack a day - but instead of doing it in their house, they (and their friends) congregate on the porch- the smell wafts across into our garden and through the kitchen window. One day it was so bad, you could smell it in my baby's bedroom on the floor above! I asked them politely if they would mind smoking indoors or at the end of their garden - but they were completely unapologetic and said they couldn't do that because in the house if might affect THEIR children - and that at the end of the garden, they would get wet!

She seems to let her kids run wild - she is never in the garden with them, and the noise is something else. The other day I had to complain because they were throwing stones at each other - one flew across into our garden narrowly missing my baby, who was sleeping in the pram. I went across to complain but the mother couldn't have cared less. She lined them up and made them apologize, but she was all "boys will be boys" and you could tell she wasn't really sorry.

Today has been the final straw though. I came out to find both the younger boys exposing themselves to my older daughter. They had climbed onto their trampoline and were waving them at her. The older boy was there too, but was just laughing. I went round to the mother and told her. . The other mother told me I was "being stupid" and that "they are just little boys" and that I should "get over myself".

I don't think a 5 year old should be getting his willy out in public. Surely if he did that in the class at school he would be in huge trouble? Am I being unreasonable?

Does everybody really think it acceptable to smoke outside and let the smoke drift next door near ops house. I agree that the boys will be boys and flash themselves (will get bored soon), and the stone kind of accident will happen in any household with kids.

But surely most people would draw the line with puffing smoke over their neighbours patio and into their windows wouldn't they? It doesn't take a lot to go a bit further from the ops house, or go out front away from back garden. Passive smoke is now thought to be more dangerous than smoke inhaled through the filter I think. Once in a while would be o.k but if more than that it would be really annoying. Surely I can't be the only one to think that.

OP, I hope you wouldn't drink alcohol around your children! Don't you know they might grow up to be alcoholics? Wait, you don't drink and breastfeed do you??

Yes, but floral the 8 year old had the temerity to laugh

My DD when she was 7 ran naked up and down the street, surprisingly she nor the neighbours have been harmed, in fact she's a quite well adjusted 21 yr old

My six year daughter would never deliberately expose her vulva

Sadly tho, that's only because she finds it much funnier to bend over and flash the chocolate starfish instead.

Chill, Winston.

So anyone who disagrees with you has mental health problems? You really are a treasure.

The throwing stones was unreasonable, but unfortunately children do do unreasonable things. The mother told the children off for doing it and hopefully it won't happen again.

The willy-wiggling is just typical childish behaviour and I think perfectly okay for children aged 5 and under. If the 8 year old had joined in that would be more worrying.

No, of course the boys would not be doing that at school or church. Then again I doubt they would be bouncing on a trampoline during a phonics lesson or sermon either. They were in their garden, on private property, where obviously the rules are different to at school.

It was possibly a little unreasonable of your neighbour to just shrug it off and not to have a word with her two boys about not upsetting your DD by showing them their willies, but then my reaction to a neighbour would very much depend on what she said on knocking on my door. If you just mentioned it in a calm way and said it had upset your daughter and, whilst you understand they are only small and were probably thinking it was funny, you'd rather they didn't show their willies to your DD I might apologise and have a word with them, on the other hand if you came around fuming and using language like 'exposing themselves' and 'inappropriate' etc etc I might just roll my eyes, think you were being ridiculous and tell you to get a grip.

Ah, you know, that could be me:

DP and I smoked outside until a few months ago (have now both stopped)

Our two children are forever outside and I don't "supervise" them, they are 5 and 8 and a periodic check is fine

DS (5) thinks his willy is the funniest and greatest thing ever to exist, and DD (8) is inclined to agree

Despite all this, I am a nice person, pleasant, educated, read books, shop at Waitrose, blah blah blah. If your neighbours aren't having parties every night or dealing drugs they're not nightmare neighbours.

Really, what's so awful about your DD seeing a little willy anyway? She doesn't have any brothers, consider it educational

This smoking things is ridiculous. Yes, smoking outside in their own garden a small amount of smoke might get blown into the neighbours' garden. Such a non-issue. Do you ever get in a car? Walk down a busy road?

Oh god I was feeling kind of sorry for you OP until you did the "the ONLY sane person on the thread is the one who agrees with me"

#OPENYOURMIND

PS someone trashing my girls' bedroom would piss me off far more than willy-waving on a trampoline.

bonkers we are not to know that the neighbour didnt say to her boys not to do it she just didnt do it in front of the OP and why should she . If I'd had a neighbour that I barely knew telling me how to parent think I would have done exactly the same and told the OP to mind her own business and get a life .

Op, you are obviously a very sensible and sensitive parent. In your situation here's what I would do;

1. Get a grip

1. Read a few more parenting manuals.

1. Try accepting people as they are.....stop judging.

1. Do not move anywhere near me.

"The idea that a naked five year old bouncing around on a trampolune, laughing at his bouncing willy means that they are going to grow up into infantile men is just bloody bonkers"

The boys weren't doing that - they were not naked, bouncing up and down, laughing at their bouncing willies. They were fully clothed, and taking their shorts down deliberately so the little girl would see them.

You think that's the same thing?

Right, I'm off. I have a life to live. And good neighbours, thank goodness.

Maja - why is it ridiculous? Can you explain as I genuinely don't get it. I would hate it personally - to be exposed to passive smoke on a regular basis. There is no comparison to comparing passive smoke to car emissions - nitrogen dioxide from cars falls out really quickly and is not a problem in 99.9% of roadsides.

how weird not really that you didnt mention all that in your OP

drip.....drip.....drip

I would be annoyed with my five year old son if he did that. He would be doing it because he knew it was naughty. I let my kids run naked at the beach, in the garden etc, but deliberately just flashing his willy when he's wearing clothes? He knows their his private parts and so he would be told off for it.

Just bouncing naked on a trampoline and finding it hilarious that your willy bounces too is entirely different.

I think there's a difference here.

This thread is crazy!

OK, if you find 3 and 5 year old boys waving their willies around offensive, then you will get the shock of your life if you ever have a boy!!!

They are rude and gross and generally love everything toilet themed. That's boys for you. They grow pout of it ( sometimes)

Smoking.....you told her to smoke in her house that her 3 children live in. Nice. Real nice. Let's let her children passive smoke so that you don't have to smell it. Its her garden. Its unfortunate that you can smell it, but honestly. Just shut the windows.

OK, the stones, fair play. Not great.but she got them to apologise. Kids get a bit rowdy so this GS like this are bound to happen, but your right, not great that it nearly hit baby.

But honestly now....are your kids perfect? The ndn boys sound perfectly normal to me. My 2.5 yo ds would fit right in. Throwing stuff making noise and showing the world his willy. Pretty standard day in my house.

Now jump down off your high horse love. Or I could get you a step ladder if you need one?

Well you sound a laugh a minute OP. To be honest the fact that you give a couple of very young kids' willy waving even a second thought is just plain weird.

frogwatcher, really? Being "exposed to passive smoke" by being in the same room as a smoker, maybe - but being exposed to a tiny bit of smoke wafting through the air, outside, from a garden several feet away? That's pretty precious.
Just, I don't know - step away? Close a window?

So working on your rules babyboomer it would be ok if they were naked with the bouncing willies and then called the OPs daughter its the fact that they're pulling their shorts down that's the issue . It really amounts to the same ,that they are little boys and they find willies funny ( which is normal to most people).

OP the situation is not perfect but thats reality.

You are never going to be best friends with the neighbours but life will probably be happier for all of you if you try and find ways to tolerate them.

Do some kind of fence DIY to make it easier for you to not to get annoyed with them.

Ignore the willy-waggling and encourage your DD to do the same. But don't make a bit deal out of it in front of her, nudity isn't an issue for young children its adults who turn it into an issue. Games like willy-waggling get boring very quickly when no one provides a fabulous reaction which may be one of the reasons why their Mum isn't giving a big reaction.

Children don't often behave in the same way at home and school which you may learn as your children get older.

People smoke, just be glad their not smoking in the same building as their or your children.

Go to a park and have ice cream, go on the swings, feed the ducks etc if its too stressful to be in the garden at the moment. Its best not to get fixated on this as a problem when it doesn't need to be.

Oh god OP I feel for you I really do, because your not going to be happy unless people are like you! You've not handled it well. Marching round to the boys mum house and telling her is so annoying Id be on here complaining about you. When it comes to throwing stones.... No big deal ok you have a new born but the kids aren't going to understand that. If that had been me I'd have thought phew it missed and then called them round gave them a juice and said boys I know it's fun to throw stones but is there any chance you could keep a wee eye that they don't come over the fence I'm so protective I the little one, look at her. Be nice to them get them on your side . The mum is right boys are boys. The exposing themselves is silly and you laugh it off and they'll feel silly and not do it again but if they lose respect for you you've had it they'll torture you if you let them. The smoking yes isnt great but they can smoke where ever they like and since you've set yourself up as a moaning neighbour they aren't really going to care. Maybe she would like to pop over for a glass of wine and a natter how do you know she wouldn't? You need to make piece I think. Start again. Accept that it takes all sorts and you can learn from each other.

Even if they move further down the garden, depending on the way the wind is blowing, it will blow back!!!