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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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to think this child is too old to be exposing himself?

999 replies

JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 15:08

Bit of a back story... was delighted when a young family bought the house next door. After the previous elderly couple (who would complain about noise and balls going over the wall etc.,) I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths).

The first hint that they were not our sort of people became apparent almost immediately. They are both heavy smokers - they must smoke at least a pack a day - but instead of doing it in their house, they (and their friends) congregate on the porch- the smell wafts across into our garden and through the kitchen window. One day it was so bad, you could smell it in my baby's bedroom on the floor above! I asked them politely if they would mind smoking indoors or at the end of their garden - but they were completely unapologetic and said they couldn't do that because in the house if might affect THEIR children - and that at the end of the garden, they would get wet!

She seems to let her kids run wild - she is never in the garden with them, and the noise is something else. The other day I had to complain because they were throwing stones at each other - one flew across into our garden narrowly missing my baby, who was sleeping in the pram. I went across to complain but the mother couldn't have cared less. She lined them up and made them apologize, but she was all "boys will be boys" and you could tell she wasn't really sorry.

Today has been the final straw though. I came out to find both the younger boys exposing themselves to my older daughter. They had climbed onto their trampoline and were waving them at her. The older boy was there too, but was just laughing. I went round to the mother and told her. . The other mother told me I was "being stupid" and that "they are just little boys" and that I should "get over myself".

I don't think a 5 year old should be getting his willy out in public. Surely if he did that in the class at school he would be in huge trouble? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
WestieMamma · 05/08/2013 23:01

Of course you could see. You're most likely taller than the fence and can therefore see things which are lower than the fence on the other side. Your daughter, however, can't.

Simple trigonometry.

libertine73 · 05/08/2013 23:02

Friday? we have to wait till Friday?

do did your dd say anything about the Willy waggling op? you could see it, but did she definitely see it?

pippitysqueakity · 05/08/2013 23:02

Want to comment but all been said.

ToysRLuv · 05/08/2013 23:03

Maybe she was upset because she couldn't see Grin

Maryz · 05/08/2013 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrussoHathor · 05/08/2013 23:08

Were they not just holding them so they didn't get willy whiplash from the bouncing?

Maryz · 05/08/2013 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrussoHathor · 05/08/2013 23:11

We made such a huge effort to keep on good terms with the "difficult" older neighbours next door

Did they willy waggle too? Hmm

WestieMamma · 05/08/2013 23:12

Don't put the calculator away yet, Westie ... what if OP's DD was standing at the top of a climbing frame at the time the willy waggling was going on?

Then she would be looking over the fence at them which is an entirely different scenario to the OP. It would mean her daughter was invading their privacy and would definitely need to be taken down the nick and fingerprinted. [sagely nodding emoticon]

RandallPinkFloyd · 05/08/2013 23:13

Ooh, you got a pm Mary? Wel jel. You must be the favouritest Envy

I thought it was just your DD that saw the willy waving. I thought she was playing out unsupervised because she can be trusted, etc etc. Did I miss a bit?

crunchbag · 05/08/2013 23:13

They are very talented gymnasts if they can wiggle them whilst in mid jump.

Think ToysRLuv has solved it.

FrussoHathor · 05/08/2013 23:17

They are very talented gymnasts if they can wiggle them whilst in mid jump

Or they could have been trying to stop them wiggling? Or simply just trying to catch them?

ToysRLuv · 05/08/2013 23:17
TheRealFellatio · 05/08/2013 23:28

Whilst I must regretfully say that YABU to ask them not to smoke in their own back garden, I really do feel sorry for you.

Having to put up with the smell of their endless smoke wafting into your house and through your windows must be awful. I don't think smokers really understand or take us seriously when we say this happens - they think we are being precious and ridiculous, and picking on them. They think being outside automatically makes their cigarette smoke harmless and non-existent. I bloody doesn't, and it really winds me up.

I am glad that they are banned from smoking indoors in public places, and that there is a greater awareness about the dangers of smoking indoors around children, but the irritating result of all this is that the outdoors in now permenantly sullied and polluted and bloody ruined for everyone else wanting to sit and enjoy about of fresh air. Sad

TheRealFellatio · 05/08/2013 23:29

a bit, not about!

sameoldIggi · 05/08/2013 23:38

I don't give a shit if your son paints it blue and puts on a play with it as the lead character. -Olid, have you just returned from the Edinburgh festival? Grin

zippey · 05/08/2013 23:44

I think that's it, you and your neighbour have different parenting styles. I don't think there is anything wrong in the way either of you are parenting. She sounds like she is doing her best, and is trying to give her kids a fun childhood. You sound like you want the best for your daughter so she is well mannered and polte etc.

The could maybe compromise with the smoking. Neighbor has already reprimanded the boys for stone throwing. That sounds like enough punishment. The willy waggling sounds like a non-issue. It would only be an issue if it were a sexual act. But its the same as a child pulling a face. If you look at it another way, it can be quite funny really.

HepsibarCrinkletoes · 06/08/2013 00:08

willy clearance Westie you are fucking funny. Thank you.

HeySoulSister · 06/08/2013 00:08

Milk in cafes??

TheRealFellatio · 06/08/2013 00:16

You should train your DD to say 'Oh my goodness, that is really small.'

That'll stop him.

FrussoHathor · 06/08/2013 00:17

If you look at it another way, it can be quite funny really. from the boys point of view it probably was funny. Grin

Tobydogrocks · 06/08/2013 00:20

Mumsnet I fucking love you. That is all Grin

aldiwhore · 06/08/2013 00:26

Hmm. A 3 year old and a 3 month old, versus a house full of busy 'actual' children?

YANBU to find it teeth grittingly loud, harsh and stressful.

You can look forward to this.

YANBU at all, but perhaps one day in the not so far off future you will be lying in bed worrying that your house must sound like a war zone at times. You'll worry you're doing it all wrong, you'll worry what the neighbours must think, but you'll also look at your kids who go crazy outside, you read the reports, you see their smiles and tidy up their toys and you'll feel a bit judgy on the once-you who judged too much.

You don't like the smell of smoke. YANBU. I really don't know the solution, but yes, they are aware it's causing you a problem and if it were me (I am a smoker) I would try to do my majority of smoking downwind of your house.

It's muggy, it's warm, there's little in the way of breeze. My smoke probably wafts somewhere in nose reach to one or other or my neighbours. Wherever I stand. But no, I will not smoke in my house. NOT inside. I just don't.

Waving your willy about is not acceptable BUT being silly is very normal. YANBU to tell the children that it's not acceptable, shit tell them OFF! But YABU to make such a grown up issue about it... so yes, your neighbour was probably correct in telling you to get over yourself.

You're making this a far bigger issue than is healthy or right. Though YANBU to not accept it.

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 06/08/2013 00:26

Maryz, You had a pm??? ooh please do tell!

1944girl · 06/08/2013 00:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.