Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

to think this child is too old to be exposing himself?

999 replies

JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 15:08

Bit of a back story... was delighted when a young family bought the house next door. After the previous elderly couple (who would complain about noise and balls going over the wall etc.,) I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths).

The first hint that they were not our sort of people became apparent almost immediately. They are both heavy smokers - they must smoke at least a pack a day - but instead of doing it in their house, they (and their friends) congregate on the porch- the smell wafts across into our garden and through the kitchen window. One day it was so bad, you could smell it in my baby's bedroom on the floor above! I asked them politely if they would mind smoking indoors or at the end of their garden - but they were completely unapologetic and said they couldn't do that because in the house if might affect THEIR children - and that at the end of the garden, they would get wet!

She seems to let her kids run wild - she is never in the garden with them, and the noise is something else. The other day I had to complain because they were throwing stones at each other - one flew across into our garden narrowly missing my baby, who was sleeping in the pram. I went across to complain but the mother couldn't have cared less. She lined them up and made them apologize, but she was all "boys will be boys" and you could tell she wasn't really sorry.

Today has been the final straw though. I came out to find both the younger boys exposing themselves to my older daughter. They had climbed onto their trampoline and were waving them at her. The older boy was there too, but was just laughing. I went round to the mother and told her. . The other mother told me I was "being stupid" and that "they are just little boys" and that I should "get over myself".

I don't think a 5 year old should be getting his willy out in public. Surely if he did that in the class at school he would be in huge trouble? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
olidusUrsus · 05/08/2013 22:10

Sorry Jackie it's just... oh. You mean the trellis thing Blush Wink

That's all I was suggesting Head. Any small male next-door-neighbours are welcome to bounce on their trampolines with their butt-cheeks swaying in the breeze at my place. Intentionally waggling your willy at my DD to rouse a laugh from your brothers might gauge a different reaction, but I certainly wouldn't be a dick (har har) about it.

FrussoHathor · 05/08/2013 22:18

head unless they had abnormally long willies for their age.

If the gardens are so large, why is there such a problem with the smoking.

Fwiw my neighbours smoke outside their back door, can only occasionally smell it when the wind is blowing the right way, and even then closing the window isn't such a problem to me.

Madeyemoodysmum · 05/08/2013 22:19

I'm on the side of the op a little, I feel the neighbours are being annoying over ethe smoking. I'm assuming the op has got there back up a little so now it's got a bit out of hand.

Boys are boys but good manners and control over behaviours shouldn't be dismissed or what kind of adults will they become?

I happily let my boy waggle his willie indoors but to neighbours? No, he would be getting a telling of and some sort of punishment, no sweets play station etc.

However op, sometimes mothers of only girls have no idea what it's like to have a boy/s and can be very judgy, make sure your not coming across like that. I'm guessing you have a personality clash and will just have to rub along best you can.

cjel · 05/08/2013 22:19

If you have no need to watch your dd in the garden because she never does bad things or throws stones- How on earth do you know if shes not being watched.

PrettyKitty1986 · 05/08/2013 22:24

he would be getting a telling of and some sort of punishment, no sweets play station etc

The first time you saw it even?
I wouldn't encourage it. If I saw mine doing it i'd probably have to hide my chuckle, but I would tell them to stop as it's not nice.

If they continued to do it they would be punished - for not listening to me, not for actually doing it iyswim.

If your child has never waggled their willy on their trampoline before then how do they know they shouldn't? Why would you punish such a young child for behaviour that they do not know is 'unacceptable'?

elQuintoConyo · 05/08/2013 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

FrussoHathor · 05/08/2013 22:28

No, elquinto but I am now. much prefer the tune b.i.n.g.o

i'm not troll hunting, i just now have an annoying tune in my head

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 05/08/2013 22:30

£1.60 for a dribble of milk? Shock

elQuintoConyo I wasn't thinking of that tune (till you mentioned it) I was more thinking of 'Willies on a trampoline' to the tune of 'every day Im shuffling' Grin

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 05/08/2013 22:32

Evening Olivia :) How's the bump s?

FrussoHathor · 05/08/2013 22:32

I agree prettykitty, also think madeye that the punishment doesn't fit the crime. No ds/play station for waggling a willy is quite harsh a punishment for a 3 or 5 yo.

DioneTheDiabolist · 05/08/2013 22:37

Of course your neighbour is upset OP. She bought a nice new house next door to you who:
1). Wish to dictate what she does in her own garden.
2). Complains about her 5yo and 3yo sons exposing and touching themselves in order to harass your DD.
3). Lies about these boys, claiming that they threw stones at your baby.

You have been unpleasant, snotty and badmouthed her family to anyone who will listen. You should be ashamed of yourself OP. Thoroughly ashamed.

Madeyemoodysmum · 05/08/2013 22:37

I have a5 yo boy and he knows that he would be punished for that, if it was the first offence I'd just tell him off but I don't believe from the sounds of it that these particular children have many boundaries set.

FrussoHathor · 05/08/2013 22:38

P.E.N.I.S, P.E.N.I.S, P.E.N.I.S and penis was its name-o

Thanks thepros

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 05/08/2013 22:43

Madeyemoodysmum how do you know this isn't the first time these 5 and 3 year old boys have waggled their willies? Obviously your 5yo has done it in the past to know he would be punished for it?

OliviaIsOffTheGinMumsnet · 05/08/2013 22:43

@TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking

Evening Olivia :) How's the bump s?

All good thanks for asking.
Getting fatter though not at Bell Tent proportions as yet.

NB PLEASE no troll hunting
It's not good for my blood pressure.

ToysRLuv · 05/08/2013 22:45

Oh ffs. I can't believe some people..

Pannacotta2013 · 05/08/2013 22:46

I'm glad that you are going to get an opportunity to talk it through with the other mum, it sounds like it ended up being quite an upsetting situation for both of you. At least her reaction makes more sense now - it sounds like she was a bit defensive because she knew their behaviour wasn't quite right either.

WestieMamma · 05/08/2013 22:47

It's the 3 year old that gives away that it was only the OP that saw the waggling and not the daughter (possibly added in an attempt to elicit much pearl clutching and 'think of the children' from the MN collective). An olympic size trampoline would only give 1 inch of willy clearance as opposed the the 4 inch willy clearance for the 5 year old.

Sheshelob · 05/08/2013 22:49

"Willy clearance" Grin

I have only read the first and last posts and I love this thread already.

ToysRLuv · 05/08/2013 22:50

Were they jumping high and waggling at the same time, though? That could work. Grin

Or a boring explanation about neighbour's garden being on a upward slope..

chesterberry · 05/08/2013 22:52

Although the neighbours might have their trampoline on raised decking or a patio which could give an extra couple of inches of willy clearance...

ToysRLuv · 05/08/2013 22:55

I'm seriously Shock about people wanting to punish a 5 year old for this kind of thing, rather than just calling them in and explaining to them that it's not seen as good manners, so they shouldn't do it if other people can see. But to me it's on par with chewing with your mouth open or having a good rummage inside your nose..

JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 22:56

Despite promising myself I wouldn't, just given DH a blow by blow (no pun intended) account at international call rate... what a stressful day.

We made such a huge effort to keep on good terms with the "difficult" older neighbours next door, and everyone in the street is really friendly - it has a nice atmosphere - so have been mortified to fall out so quickly with our new neighbours... I hope we can sort it out on Friday.

I don't know how all the measurements that people are suggesting add up - all I can say is I could see! Maybe I measured the fence incorrectly or the ground is not so low on the other side... but I could see everythign! Not that there was much to see, iykwim.

Right - thank you for all the advice today. I think it has helped me to see that the other mum might feel equally cross with me. I suppose people just parent very differently.

Night everyone

OP posts:
Optimist1 · 05/08/2013 22:58

Don't put the calculator away yet, Westie ... what if OP's DD was standing at the top of a climbing frame at the time the willy waggling was going on? Hmm

insanityscratching · 05/08/2013 23:00

I'd imagine your neighbours are regretting their move already tbh. Lets hope you can adjust your vocabulary and drop the exposing and harassing and hope also that they are far more reasonable and rational than you have shown yourself to be too.