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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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to think this child is too old to be exposing himself?

999 replies

JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 15:08

Bit of a back story... was delighted when a young family bought the house next door. After the previous elderly couple (who would complain about noise and balls going over the wall etc.,) I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths).

The first hint that they were not our sort of people became apparent almost immediately. They are both heavy smokers - they must smoke at least a pack a day - but instead of doing it in their house, they (and their friends) congregate on the porch- the smell wafts across into our garden and through the kitchen window. One day it was so bad, you could smell it in my baby's bedroom on the floor above! I asked them politely if they would mind smoking indoors or at the end of their garden - but they were completely unapologetic and said they couldn't do that because in the house if might affect THEIR children - and that at the end of the garden, they would get wet!

She seems to let her kids run wild - she is never in the garden with them, and the noise is something else. The other day I had to complain because they were throwing stones at each other - one flew across into our garden narrowly missing my baby, who was sleeping in the pram. I went across to complain but the mother couldn't have cared less. She lined them up and made them apologize, but she was all "boys will be boys" and you could tell she wasn't really sorry.

Today has been the final straw though. I came out to find both the younger boys exposing themselves to my older daughter. They had climbed onto their trampoline and were waving them at her. The older boy was there too, but was just laughing. I went round to the mother and told her. . The other mother told me I was "being stupid" and that "they are just little boys" and that I should "get over myself".

I don't think a 5 year old should be getting his willy out in public. Surely if he did that in the class at school he would be in huge trouble? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
JackieTheFart · 05/08/2013 21:52

Maybe not oli, but it's hardly exposing themselves or playing with themselves which is how the OP described it.

FrussoHathor · 05/08/2013 21:53

headfirst my dds friend also a boy showed her his the other week whilst playing out. She wasn't phased by it, later that day she mentioned in passing that his willy was the same size as her little brothers. Hmm
I haven't told his parents so I doubt they know about it. And he's a nice little boy. There's no malice in it.

ilovesooty · 05/08/2013 21:54

But I disagree that having a willy waggled in your face by a fellow 3 year old is a neutral experience that wouldn't be annoying or upsetting or disconcerting

How on earth could it have been waved in her face?

footflapper · 05/08/2013 21:54

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sebastianthesingingaubergine · 05/08/2013 21:55

They weren't wagging them in her actual face though were they. It was over a wall, of a big garden.

My nearly three year old would not be bothered in the slightest. She would think it funny. She would probably pull her foof out as far as she could and shout Willy Willy Willy back. (I've seen this in action).Perhaps thats just her though?

insanityscratching · 05/08/2013 21:55

OP's daughter if she had a reaction learned that reaction from her mother or sensed her mother's disapproval. For the majority of three year olds a waving willy wouldn't be considered all that different to a waving foot or finger.

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 21:55

Why thanks oli, i was trying to think of an activity for my dc's tomorrow, that should keep them all amused Wink

There are a myriad of naughty things young children do, that are both normal yet unwanted behaviour, willy waggling is one of them. I can think of worse ones, like biting and hitting, even the greatest parents in existence are prone to their children displaying these behaviours.

The only difference is because it's a penis people are getting hysterical about it. To a small child a willy is not for sexual purposes, people are seeing this through an adults eyes and it's the wrong perspective.

olidusUrsus · 05/08/2013 21:57

Why, though oli? What's wrong with a little boy's willy that is so upsetting?

Nothing. Nothing at all. But I can see how a 3 year old girl who has no male siblings and has never seen a penis (except perhaps her father's) would find it odd or confusing to have a member of her peer group wave their willy at her. It's not as if it's something that happens every day in normal, social play, is it? At least not for a girl with no male siblings, it's not.

FWIW before this turns into olidus hates boys wtf her poor stepson, can I just say that I would have handled the situation differently to the OP.

I am just saying I can understand why the little girl found it unusual or disconcerting, not distressing or threatening, but perhaps odd. I do agree that her upset could have been exacerbated by OP's reaction.

As I said, I would have handled it in a very different way had it been my DD.

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 21:57

"OP's daughter if she had a reaction learned that reaction from her mother or sensed her mother's disapproval. For the majority of three year olds a waving willy wouldn't be considered all that different to a waving foot or finger."

You're absolutely right, because a child of 3 is not sexually aware. At worst they may be confused as to why they don't have a dangly bit there, if they thought enough about it.

phantomnamechanger · 05/08/2013 21:57

hilarious thread!

OP yes, YABU, ridiculous, unnecessarily overprotective and just plain daft, TBH

has your DD seen a willy before? did she ask you about it or comment in anyway? I am certain she was not afraid or in anyway damaged by the ordeal. curious maybe, annoyed that they seemed to be calling her and then had nothing to say. do you realise that if DD2 had been a boy they would be sharing baths etc for several years - are you planning any more - because my goodness you will eat your words if you have a boy. Boys find farts bums poo and bogies and their willies utterly hilarious. they just do. they were just being silly, not threatening or trying to scare or to corrupt her. you making a big deal out of it is going to be more than she can understand and may in itself be frightening, if you usher her inside and go all over protective. she has nothing to fear from seeing these little boys willies - fgs, many 3-5 yr olds would be over in the neighbours paddling pool starkers, completely happy and not at all self conscious.

the kids who have parents like you who are so het up about "sexual" things end up being the least well balanced in the long run, really they do.

i await the many threads from your neighbours about the unfriendly cow next door who tuts and takes her kids inside whenever the neighbours are in the garden . and in 25 yrs time we will all recognise you from the MIL from hell threads.

get over yourself

olidusUrsus · 05/08/2013 21:58

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ilovesooty · 05/08/2013 22:00

Please don't call troll. I want to find out what happens on Friday. Grin

Mumsnut · 05/08/2013 22:00

OP, you could always position your sprinkler rather too close to the fence (ie, to the smoking and the trampoline)

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 22:01

It is normal play though, the game "you show me yours and i'll show you mine" goes back eons.

olidusUrsus · 05/08/2013 22:02

But the DD wasn't agreeing to play that game, Head.

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 22:02

I don't think you hate boys, I just have a different opinion :)

JackieTheFart · 05/08/2013 22:03

I mentioned the thread to my DH earlier and his first reaction was a Confused face and then he said she probably wanted one herself after seeing it!

WestieMamma · 05/08/2013 22:04

Westie. Get the calculator back out

Because I'm such a sad git, I've calculated and cogitated and the only way waggling willys would be high enough to be seen by a 3 year old over a 5 ft fence is if the trampoline is a full sized olympic one. (Assuming it butts right up to the fence.)

Pearl clutching adults however would be able to see them if they were on a typical large garden trampoline.

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 05/08/2013 22:04

Haha, just had a random memory pop into my head of DH "wink-whacking" his brother across the head Grin

Now they are too old for that sort of behaviour!

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 22:04

Then they were just getting it out for the thrill of being naughty. I do agree they were naughty and they should be told to keep them in their pants, and maybe the parents could check on what they're getting up to in the garden a little more frequently.

JackieTheFart · 05/08/2013 22:05

oli I'd rather see a little boys willy that your massive bush thank you! Grin Grin Grin

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 05/08/2013 22:05

Out of curiosity OP, did you ask you DD why she was crying?

Cause I'm gonna bet her shadow disappeared when the sun went in, or something like that...

PrettyKitty1986 · 05/08/2013 22:06

I think you seriously need to get a grip op.

If you knocked my door and accused my 5 year old of 'exposing himself' to your dd I would probably tell you to get stuffed.

I have a 5 and a 3 year old (boys). The behaviour you describe is normal IMO. Both of mine find willies, boobies, poo, boogers immensely funny. The stone incident - an accident by the sounds of it, get over it.

I am also disgusted that you expected a family with three small children to smoke inside their house, just so you don't get the odd whiff of smoke.

crunchbag · 05/08/2013 22:06

We actually don't know if the DD wasn't involved in a game of "you show me yours and i'll show you mine" OP wasn't there so is only guessing DD was playing 'nicely' by herself. Who knows she might have been pulling funny faces or sticking out her tongue.

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 22:06

Well then Westie, if the gardens are large enough to accommodate an olympic sized trampoline, they would need binoculars to be offended Grin

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