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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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to think this child is too old to be exposing himself?

999 replies

JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 15:08

Bit of a back story... was delighted when a young family bought the house next door. After the previous elderly couple (who would complain about noise and balls going over the wall etc.,) I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths).

The first hint that they were not our sort of people became apparent almost immediately. They are both heavy smokers - they must smoke at least a pack a day - but instead of doing it in their house, they (and their friends) congregate on the porch- the smell wafts across into our garden and through the kitchen window. One day it was so bad, you could smell it in my baby's bedroom on the floor above! I asked them politely if they would mind smoking indoors or at the end of their garden - but they were completely unapologetic and said they couldn't do that because in the house if might affect THEIR children - and that at the end of the garden, they would get wet!

She seems to let her kids run wild - she is never in the garden with them, and the noise is something else. The other day I had to complain because they were throwing stones at each other - one flew across into our garden narrowly missing my baby, who was sleeping in the pram. I went across to complain but the mother couldn't have cared less. She lined them up and made them apologize, but she was all "boys will be boys" and you could tell she wasn't really sorry.

Today has been the final straw though. I came out to find both the younger boys exposing themselves to my older daughter. They had climbed onto their trampoline and were waving them at her. The older boy was there too, but was just laughing. I went round to the mother and told her. . The other mother told me I was "being stupid" and that "they are just little boys" and that I should "get over myself".

I don't think a 5 year old should be getting his willy out in public. Surely if he did that in the class at school he would be in huge trouble? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
FrussoHathor · 05/08/2013 21:32

Oh dearly me. Who's got the grip.

I had an adult trampoline and a 5foot fence. still have the 5ft fence btw there is no way a 3yo on the ground (OPs dd for example) would be able to see more than the boys heads and shoulders.
The only way OP would have seen these small boys penises would be if she was looking out of an upstairs window.
And going by the drip feeds updates, it would appear that OP didn't actually see what happened, but possibly looked out of an upstairs window when she heard her dd crying. And made assumpri

GoingUpInTheWorld · 05/08/2013 21:32

Its only normal, if they have been taught its funny or acceptable.

If a child is being brought up with morals, then its not normal behaviour IMO

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 21:32

I'm on the fence can't see any willies over it though

FrussoHathor · 05/08/2013 21:33

...made assumptions based on what she could see not what dd could see.

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 21:35

All children do naughty things Going, so yes, that makes it normal. Of course they should be told about it by their parents, correcting unwanted behaviour is also normal.

libertine73 · 05/08/2013 21:36

perfect 5 year old going up?

you have had a 5 year old boy I presume?

olidusUrsus · 05/08/2013 21:36

Its only normal, if they have been taught its funny or acceptable.

Yy to that. My DSS has never waggled his willy to anyone, ever.

FrussoHathor · 05/08/2013 21:36

I would never let my child jump on a trampoline naked or allow then to flash their bits thinking its funny.

I wouldn't let them jump on an adult trampolines naked because I'd be scared they might get their willies caught in the springs.

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 21:38

Well they won't ALL do it will they oli? It's not a rite of passage. I've had one son do it (in the home to siblings) , one didn't. Neither are lacking in morals, nor are they encouraged to willy waggle, and yes ds 2 was reprimanded for doing it.

FrussoHathor · 05/08/2013 21:38

Yy to that. My DSS has never waggled his willy to anyone, ever. that you know of?

MalcolmTuckersMum · 05/08/2013 21:38

This reply has been deleted

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HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 21:38

OUCH Frusso Shock

Good point!

libertine73 · 05/08/2013 21:39

fwiw I have a 5 year old boy, and he wouldn't actually do this, but he has no older brothers. he does various other embarrassing, gross things though, like using the word Willy in random places in a sentence, he never fails to find it creased up funny Hmm I do correct him, but sometimes kids find the telling off is worth the belly laughs. (shrug)

olidusUrsus · 05/08/2013 21:40

That I know of. There's every possibility he could have done it before I knew him or when I'm not around. It would be very out of character for him though and it's something his mother and father would definitely have told him off for if he had done it in front of them.

olidusUrsus · 05/08/2013 21:41

Exactly Head, not all boys do it. So the "boys will be boys" and "I take it you don't have a boy" type comments are complete crap.

ToysRLuv · 05/08/2013 21:41

Morals , Goingup? Surely we're dealing with the interpretations of manners here. Or are you suggesting boys should hide their amoral demon sticks? Grin

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 21:42

Haha, my dd once told me (years after the event) that while in reception her best friend (a boy-it's relevant Wink ) while both in the cloak room, showed her his willy and she showed him her bits. Unless he told his parents they probably don't know either! He's a normal grumpy tweenager now that hates girls Grin

cjel · 05/08/2013 21:42

YABU. You have already complained to this poor woman. Nothing in this behaviour suggests they are bad people = normal little boys.

I hope you aren't so judgemental with your own dcs.

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/08/2013 21:43

It is still common for boys to do it though oli. That's what people mean, of course there will be exceptions, it doesn't mean they have better "morals".

LastOrdersAtTheBra · 05/08/2013 21:44

YABU - purely on the basis that you think it's acceptable to smoke inside a house with an 8, 5 and 3yo. Smoking in the garden is really unlikely to be harmful to the health of anyone but the person doing it, provided they are an adult, this is their decision and absolutely none of your business. It would be revolting to smoke inside a house with a 3yo, if you can't see that, just because it's someone else's 3yo and not your own, then you have very skewed priorities.

My DSs (5 and 2) think willy waving and discussing poo loudly are required elements of being on the trampoline and not just optional extras to the bouncing. You are in for a shock though, as my lovely NCT friend's DD (5) is the ringleader of this behaviour whenever they come round. None of our older children did it when they were 3, but they've started recently and DS2 copies it all.

Best of luck with coping when your DD is a 5yo. Smile

sebastianthesingingaubergine · 05/08/2013 21:46

Mine wouldn't waggle his willy at the neighbours, I don't think. BUT he does waggle it a lot, and if he had brothers egging him on then, well, who knows? I think the point most people are getting at is that it IS normal for boys to think their willies are funny, and thats all. Nothing sinister, no intentional bullying/harrassing, or "exposing" to use the op's words.

olidusUrsus · 05/08/2013 21:47

No, I don't think boys who do waggle their willies have better morals. I don't give a shit if your son paints it blue and puts on a play with it as the lead character. But I disagree that having a willy waggled in your face by a fellow 3 year old is a neutral experience that wouldn't be annoying or upsetting or disconcerting.

Snowfedup · 05/08/2013 21:49

I always find it interesting when friends are bemused that their dd's are shy and sensitive and easily hurt, it's because their mothers are like you and react hysterically to rediculous things !

She is modelling her behaviour on you !

My favourite little girls have sensible mums and would be called 'Tom boys' except they are not they are just normal little girls who enjoy life and don't have weird mothers !

ToysRLuv · 05/08/2013 21:50

Why, though oli? What's wrong with a little boy's willy that is so upsetting?

ginhag · 05/08/2013 21:50

It is NOT a question of which small boys would. It IS a question of why the actual FUCK an adult would see such a thing as threatening IN A 5 AND 3 YEAR OLD.

Honestly. I'm reasonably scarred by some shit in my life but a 5 and 3 year old, holding their willies on a trampoline when I was 3....how on EARTH could that hurt me???

ALL parties involved are innocent. Little girls behave 'inappropriately' too y'know!

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