to think this child is too old to be exposing himself?

[JenniBoo]

Bit of a back story... was delighted when a young family bought the house next door. After the previous elderly couple (who would complain about noise and balls going over the wall etc.,) I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths).

The first hint that they were not our sort of people became apparent almost immediately. They are both heavy smokers - they must smoke at least a pack a day - but instead of doing it in their house, they (and their friends) congregate on the porch- the smell wafts across into our garden and through the kitchen window. One day it was so bad, you could smell it in my baby's bedroom on the floor above! I asked them politely if they would mind smoking indoors or at the end of their garden - but they were completely unapologetic and said they couldn't do that because in the house if might affect THEIR children - and that at the end of the garden, they would get wet!

She seems to let her kids run wild - she is never in the garden with them, and the noise is something else. The other day I had to complain because they were throwing stones at each other - one flew across into our garden narrowly missing my baby, who was sleeping in the pram. I went across to complain but the mother couldn't have cared less. She lined them up and made them apologize, but she was all "boys will be boys" and you could tell she wasn't really sorry.

Today has been the final straw though. I came out to find both the younger boys exposing themselves to my older daughter. They had climbed onto their trampoline and were waving them at her. The older boy was there too, but was just laughing. I went round to the mother and told her. . The other mother told me I was "being stupid" and that "they are just little boys" and that I should "get over myself".

I don't think a 5 year old should be getting his willy out in public. Surely if he did that in the class at school he would be in huge trouble? Am I being unreasonable?

lol @ Westiemama As I said, it's an adult trampoline. it is high - it has steps up to it. Our gardens are pretty big :)

Have I missed the bit where the boys shouted abuse?

I don't need to stand in the garden supervising my daughter, because she has never thrown stones at babies or anyone else for that matter, and doesn't shout abuse at her neighbours either. She can be trusted to play nicely in the garden

Maybe she does not do those things OP-yet! She is only three, so there is no need for you to be smug about your superior parenting. I don't imagine she will go through life without doing anything naughty, ever. How would you like it if she was then referred to as 'a little shit'?

I suggest you supervise your dwlicate flower otherwise you cannot call the other mum.

They are boisterous but your daughter cannot understand her peer group because essentially that is what they are.

I thought the two 3 year olds would play together ... maybe that was stupid of me

I don't think that was stupid of you, however perhaps to expect the 3yo to play with your DD alongside his 5 and 8yo brothers was a little naive. Inviting all three boys around, as you did previously, was probably asking for trouble as, in my experience anyway, brothers do tend to fight, show off and encourage silly behaviour from each other (as do siblings of any gender for that matter).

If your next door neighbour is also a SAHM or works part-time with the 3-year-old at home maybe you could wait until after the school holidays, when presumably the five and eight-year-old will be back at school, and try and speak to the mum next door again? Perhaps, without his two older brothers there, your DD and this little boy could play together and you might find the little boy was not anywhere near as silly and that your DD had a new playmate. This might help her be less intimidated by them as well.

In addition if you invite mum around for coffee and cake (with 3yo only) you would show her that you're willing to put all the past complaints behind you and turn over a new leaf, so to speak. Plus if you were able to reach friendlier terms with the mother (even if you will have to agree to disagree on some issues regarding lifestyle) then maybe if in future there is an issue you need to raise (such as the stone throwing) she will be more ready to listen?

Of course if neighbour is only home during school holidays that might make it trickier, but if there is any way to get mum over with only youngest son I would encourage you to find it. Also, sorry that your DH is away whilst this has happened - I can understand how, without anybody to talk to and offload your feelings onto, this incident would begin to grow into a big issue as you mull it over in your own head only, but I hope you are able to get past it and maintain a positive relationship with neighbours.

"so 50 inches,from ground to willy makes a little over 4 foot"

You are unbelievably out of order to tell other people they threw a stone at your baby, when by your own admission it was an accident - which they and their mother apologised for. I bet you egged it up for all it was worth.

Bet this wasn't what you were expecting OP, people feeling sorry for the neighbours having to live next door to you!

HI Sarahandfuck no, the porch is at the back - there's a little covered porch (with a roof , but no wall at the back of both houses). It 's original to the houses. That is where they are smoking. I suppose it's shady and sheltered from sun and rain, but the smoke is really awful. I used to smoke myself - and I'm very sensitve to the smell - when it first happened, both DH and I were convinced that the cleaner MUST have been smoking in the house - and we (BLUSH) phone the agency to complain - and then had to go back and apologise when we realised!!

I did ask the neighbours if they would mind smoking at the end of the garden - well away from anyone's house - there is a little summer house there - but they said no - because they would get wet walking down the garden!

Willy Waggling

OP one day your daughter will do something wrong. She will, because all children do sooner or later.

And it will come as a nasty shock to you if someone describes her as a little shit because of it.

You've already said the boys were throwing things at each other, not at your baby. And you said they were shouting your DD's name, not shouting abuse.

I'm not disagreeing with you totally. DS had a friend for a short time who would hit him and encourage him to behaviour that I thought was unacceptable.

One day at the friends house I saw him pick a tomato of a plant they had and throw it over the neighbours fence, then tell DS to do the same. I went to the door and told DS not to throw anything over the neighbours fence and the other boys mother said "oh they don't mind, it's fine."

I repeated to DS that he was absolutely not to throw anything over the fence. I don't believe that her neighbours don't mind having tomatoes thrown over the fence, and I wouldn't want DS to think he could do it anywhere else either.

I don't think your neighbours sons were being deliberately bad. Children, of both sexes, can get a bit silly and egg each other on. I think that's what has happened here but you won't get anywhere with their parents if you build it up in your mind from throwing things at each other in their own garden to deliberately targeting your baby in yours, or from shouting DD's name to shouting abuse at her.

If the smoking was the biggest thing that bothered you then why title this thread "child exposing himself"

I don't normally get cross with people on MN, I'm rather diplomatic but you are totally BU OP (not about the smoking as this would bother me) but these kids are 3, 5 and 8. I think its disgusting that you call them "little shits". Anyone who refers to kids that way loses any respect from me.

I don't think your persistence in claiming that they were deliberatly "flashing" your daughter is helpful either.

SarahAndFuck nicely put. OPs children will one day be almost the same age.

OK - just had the DH was next door on the doorstep. He says I really upset his wife today, and ithat 3 boys are a handful and t's difficult to know what the children are doing at all points in time.

I said maybe we (the 4 adults) sit down and talk about it, as we obviously want to be on good terms with our immediate neighbours, and he agreed. So we are going to sit down at his house on Firday night after the kids have all gone to bed.

Feel a bit awful now - as she is obviously upset and he seems quite reasonable and concerned to resovle things (blush)

I would apologise, OP. You were a bit forthright. Say you don't appreciate the waggling willies or the stone throwing, but you'd love for your DD to have a friend the same age next door. You never know, the older two might warm up to her a bit if they start seeing her as "little brother's friend" rather than "girl over the fence we can wind up.

How exactly did you phrase it to her when you went around?

Little boys can be very boisterous in groups, my friend has 3 a few years apart, she does punish them for naughty behaviour, but by God they are a handful when all together. Lovely boys though (sometimes very cheeky, but not nasty) and I have no doubt they will grow up into fine young men.

Why not just leave the thread if you think it's a troll? No doubt if this one is deleted there will be a second, goady "ha ha told you so" thread from somebody. I don't understand why some people hang on to threads they think are fake.

Only read the first page but YANBU, they sound dreadful neighbours.

I would never let my child jump on a trampoline naked or allow then to flash their bits thinking its funny.

I think its disgusting your dd is having a boy shouting her name and then getting his willy out. As a child, if i did that i would be in very serious trouble.

Im not sure what you can do about it though.

That cost £1.50 Maryz?

hopefully op you will keep this thread in mind at 'the meeting' it's really not easy moving into a new area, please be kind to them when you all sit down.

Please remember when you speak to them, that 3 and 5 year olds getting their willies out for a waggle is normal, cheeky, naughty behaviour and not sexual deviancy. Do not use the phrase "exposing their penises" or I suspect the meeting will not end well.

I think you're right MaryZ. I think the OP has been stringing along little old us. We've all fallen hook line and sinker.