to think this child is too old to be exposing himself?

[JenniBoo]

Bit of a back story... was delighted when a young family bought the house next door. After the previous elderly couple (who would complain about noise and balls going over the wall etc.,) I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths).

The first hint that they were not our sort of people became apparent almost immediately. They are both heavy smokers - they must smoke at least a pack a day - but instead of doing it in their house, they (and their friends) congregate on the porch- the smell wafts across into our garden and through the kitchen window. One day it was so bad, you could smell it in my baby's bedroom on the floor above! I asked them politely if they would mind smoking indoors or at the end of their garden - but they were completely unapologetic and said they couldn't do that because in the house if might affect THEIR children - and that at the end of the garden, they would get wet!

She seems to let her kids run wild - she is never in the garden with them, and the noise is something else. The other day I had to complain because they were throwing stones at each other - one flew across into our garden narrowly missing my baby, who was sleeping in the pram. I went across to complain but the mother couldn't have cared less. She lined them up and made them apologize, but she was all "boys will be boys" and you could tell she wasn't really sorry.

Today has been the final straw though. I came out to find both the younger boys exposing themselves to my older daughter. They had climbed onto their trampoline and were waving them at her. The older boy was there too, but was just laughing. I went round to the mother and told her. . The other mother told me I was "being stupid" and that "they are just little boys" and that I should "get over myself".

I don't think a 5 year old should be getting his willy out in public. Surely if he did that in the class at school he would be in huge trouble? Am I being unreasonable?

" I suppose me appealling to the mother just isn't going to work"

It depends on how you approach your neighbour. be this judgemental and and she will just ignore you.

"it's a bit of shock that people here feel they are normal boys, and not "little shits" "

Throwing a stone into a neighbours garden was naughty, and I wou;d have made my child apologise, then given them a good talking to in the privacy of my own home. But then that is what your neighbour did, no?

So did they now throw the stone AT your baby OP, or throw the stone without checking where it was going?

OP, they didn't throw a stone at your baby and if that's what you have been telling people, you are bang out of order.

So you weren't in the garden with her, despite critising your neighbour's parenting in your OP because she isn't in the garden with her kids. Seems to me that you have a problem with double standards.

No Westiemama, I don't have double standard. I don't need to stand in the garden supervising my daughter, because she has never thrown stones at babies or anyone else for that matter, and doesn't shout abuse at her neighbours either. She can be trusted to play nicely in the garden, and doesn't need supervision. If I was the mother of the boys, who do do all of that, I would ensure that they could only pay where I could see them, until they could be trusted to behave properly?

Isn't that reasonable?

And let's face it, the title of this thread is about a small child "exposing" themselves, not about throwing stones near your baby, which by your own account was dealt with anyway.

And if a 3 year old girl was genuinely distressed at seeing a silly little boy waggling his willy (specifically being upset at seeing a willy) then she must have had some bloody weird and unhealthy ideas put into her head.

Exactly, the most interest my DD (4) has ever shown in a willy was to ask why she hasn't got one!

RandallPinkFloyd - it's an adult trampoline, so realy it is qutie tall. They weren't bouncing on the trampolien at all - I think they climbed on it in order to see over our fence and flash my daughter.

DS is almost 5 and loves nothing more than to be naked.

It is a sad day when we start making 5 year olds cover up in their own garden. They are little boys, they are not "exposing" themselves.

That's a horrid thing to say.

Op you said that they were throwing at each other and a stone narrowly missed your baby's pram that is entirely different to the boys throwing a stone at your baby.
I don't think you can have met many boys if you have never known a small boy to wave his willy tbh as I've yet to meet a small boy who hasn't thought that a willy is the funniest thing ever.
Incidentally in a year or two your dd will think bums, fat bellies, poos and wees are hysterical too.

OP - do you let your DD run around naked if she wants to?

Westie. Get the calculator back out

OP, I think I am with you. Especially with the smoke going in your house thing. Think I would have said something to the boys. Boys are funny creatures. They will probably do similar on nights out in later life, but probably without the involvement of a trampoline.

Fuck me some people are really quite worrying in their outlooks.

You do realise your daughter will meet boys no matter how hard you try to prevent it. Such a damn weird attitude.

Oh OP, come on now. You said yourself that they weren't throwing them AT your baby. You must see the difference here between normal silly behaviour and deliberate maliciousness. Their mother probably did tell them off about it, but maybe was reluctant to do it in front of you because you've already complained about them several times. You do not have the moral high ground here, because there isn't one to take.

Op ,children may be naughty at times but no child should be called little shits. How would you feel if someone were to call your child a little shit?

I find it really, really upsetting that the idea of a five year old and a 3 year old jumping about and showing their willies is being interpreted as them 'exposing themselves'.. as if it was somehow sinister.

They don't even know what their willies are FOR FFS.

I have 3 boys & their most favourite activity is willy waving. It's WHAT BOYS DO.
Get a grip OP.

I still don't think the boys waving willies at a strange child is good behaviour but the more of OPs post I read the more I think she's a crazy loon!

And your DD seriously needs to toughen up. Not so the boys can do whatever awful things you think they're gonna do to her, but so she can cope with life. Your naice little circle if friends for her is incredibly sheltered.

Wishihadabs I thought the two 3 year olds would play together - although most of my friends have girls (just the way it turned out from our NCT group) I thought that boys and girls would probably play together at this age - maybe that was stupid of me.

I did do what you said - I told the children that they were not being nice and asked my DD to come in for a snack. Then I went round later on my own (my sister had my kids before some one says I abandoned them) to speak to the mother.... don't see how I could have handled it much better :(

Sorry for the double post!

Adult trampolines are all 30-32 inches from the ground on Amazon (Yes I'm bored) and my ds (aged 5) is 20 inches from willy area to the floor (yes I've actually just been up and measured - from the outside of his leg- he's still awake and now thinks I'm insane).

so 50 inches,from ground to willy makes a little over 4 foot.

Hi, OP.

I think your DDs may be in for a shock later in life if you do not allow them to interact with boys.

The smoking thing isn't pleasant, but sadly there's not a lot you can do. Close the window of the baby's room and put a fan in there instead, while it's hot? The second-hand smoke probably won't do a lot of damage but I wouldn't have liked it going into my newborn's room, either

Stone throwing - unacceptable. I wouldn't allow this in my own garden and if my DS was throwing stones into someone else's garden/in public he would be told off and made to apologise.

Willy waggling. I don't think it's 'acceptable' as such but boys really are gross and it won't have been sexual or sinister, they will have been finding it hilarious because willies just are hilarious. However, I wouldn't like it if my DS (he's 2.7 btw) was intentionally getting his bits out and showing people. He has a dedicated interest in his penis, he's always playing with it and pulling it (potty training has exacerbated this somewhat!). He hasn't quite gotten to the stage of wanting to "wave" it at anybody but if he did it in public intentionally AT someone (taking bits out of clothes, waggling ) I would tell him not to. I don't think I would like him doing it at someone over the garden fence either. I don't in any way think childhood nakedness is inappropriate or bad, I actually think it's lovely seeing kids bare and free with no notion of the body hatred that is instilled in us as we get older, but I wouldn't want to give him the message that waving bits AT people is appropriate.

However, as someone who has a little brother and who had lots of little male cousins and friends, I was subject to a lot of willy waving as a child. I was also flashed by a masturbating pervert when I was 10 - this scared me, the sexless "flashing" of small boys' penises did not.

I hope you find a way to deal with your issues here. Good luck.

Westie, we need you for another quote (and because I'm rubbish at maths)