to think this child is too old to be exposing himself?

[JenniBoo]

Bit of a back story... was delighted when a young family bought the house next door. After the previous elderly couple (who would complain about noise and balls going over the wall etc.,) I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths).

The first hint that they were not our sort of people became apparent almost immediately. They are both heavy smokers - they must smoke at least a pack a day - but instead of doing it in their house, they (and their friends) congregate on the porch- the smell wafts across into our garden and through the kitchen window. One day it was so bad, you could smell it in my baby's bedroom on the floor above! I asked them politely if they would mind smoking indoors or at the end of their garden - but they were completely unapologetic and said they couldn't do that because in the house if might affect THEIR children - and that at the end of the garden, they would get wet!

She seems to let her kids run wild - she is never in the garden with them, and the noise is something else. The other day I had to complain because they were throwing stones at each other - one flew across into our garden narrowly missing my baby, who was sleeping in the pram. I went across to complain but the mother couldn't have cared less. She lined them up and made them apologize, but she was all "boys will be boys" and you could tell she wasn't really sorry.

Today has been the final straw though. I came out to find both the younger boys exposing themselves to my older daughter. They had climbed onto their trampoline and were waving them at her. The older boy was there too, but was just laughing. I went round to the mother and told her. . The other mother told me I was "being stupid" and that "they are just little boys" and that I should "get over myself".

I don't think a 5 year old should be getting his willy out in public. Surely if he did that in the class at school he would be in huge trouble? Am I being unreasonable?

Obviously you are not going to accept anything said to you other than hand-wringing and how awful these boys are.

That statement you have put on is really offensive. I would be really unhappy and yes, angry, if your response to my child waggling his willy was he might 'piss on your head' (sic)

chesterberry I mentioned that - at no point has OP mentioned her daughter's reaction.

Hmm my 8 year old dd has been known to do the odd streak and pull a moony.

Tell you what op I'll swap you your neighbours for my dog biting,5 car owning,welding and threatening neighbours.

Heartbrokenmum73 - yes I did!

I bet OPs daughter ends up dating one of those horrible boys next door

Even if you haven't handled it the right way op mn is totally weird for this type of stuff. I think 95% of people on this thread wouldn't act like your neighbours/or would be mortified if their dc's had behaved like this but oddly people on here will defend to the death other people's rights to be selfish gits.

OP - Does your child go to nursery or otherwise have any contact with children of a similar age? Because if she is feeling intimidated by children who are not that much bigger than her just because they have teased her a little bit through the garden fence then maybe she needs to spend some more time with children so that she becomes a bit more used to them, and the fact that some children can be a little bit boisterous? Maybe if she spent more time with other children, including children who are prone to being loud and sill,y she would find these children less intimidating? Otherwise she is going to get a big shock when she starts school.

' Unless you all have very badly small boys that you can't control?'

yes, every single parent of boys on mn has uncontrollable boys. Any parenting advice would be gratefully accepted.

Jackie - that's exactly what will happen because those boys will be the appealing 'bad boys' who are oh-so different to OPs prissy upbringing of her DDs!

'Thank you.
I would hate anyone to think I would report willy waggling.'

ooh i love you pag.

OP - I think the willy waving is horrible. Running around naked in their own gardens = fine in my book. A 5 year old boy waving his willy at a 3 year old girl presumably to upset her is a different matter and horrible. At 5 they should be told it's not acceptable if they do it.

I also hate other people's smoke disturbing me in my own house garden so YANBU for that either.

Ok OP, I think it must be fairly clear to you by now that by most standards, YABU. You need some constructive advice so here you go: you need to pick your battles more carefully. No doubt they'll do many, many more things that will wind you up but you can't go strolling round there every time. You should write this one off, do as another poster suggests and try to get on with them. Falling out with your neighbours will only make it much more difficult for you.

Oh I x-posted.

I can't be bothered to engage again. OP you are hysterical. Get a grip.

OP you have said more than once the boys were "playing with themselves" - this is the language most people use wrt masterbation. Boys waving their willies around are not masterbating.
I might not have realised this prior to having my own boys.

Yy double. MN can be weird place sometimes.

Oh and my dd has 9 year old twin brothers whose willies are often out as they wander round the house in the morning at the mo due to the heat and discarding of pjs. Dtwin1 nearly shut his in the kitchen drawer this morning and dd didn't bat an eyelid.

Op you are the one with the problem not 3 innocent little boys.

The smoke in the babies room would hack me but you've burnt your bridges re coming to a compromise.

I can't wait OP till your kids are a bit older and tearing round the garden making noise and (shock, horror) you're not out there supervising them all the time!

I don't supervise my dd in the garden. I did tell her last year that at 11yo maybe the naked trampolining ought to stop. Thankfully we're not overlooked. A few years ago while she was unsupervised she climbed into next door's garden and filled their water butt with hay. Sometimes even well behaved kids do stuff out of character. Kids will be kids. I told her off, like this mum told her boys off. She hasn't done anything like it since.

I do think you need to lighten up.

Doublechocchip - please don't presume to speak on my behalf!

I have two DSs and my older one HAS behaved in this way. Luckily, he did it to someone who didn't have a broom up their effing behind and saw it for the silly, young-boy behaviour that it was. He's now 8, has left it behind him and is no longer 'harassing' or 'frightening' young girls. I will, however, be keeping a very close eye on him and his younger brother because a) I am clearly a terrible parent by your way of thinking and b) they are sexual deviants in the making...

I agree with you entirely OP. I would absolutely hate the smoking thing, and the behaviour of the children and the noise. Would the rest of you all enjoy children coming over to your house, breaking your kids toys and thumping them then? I bloody wouldn't and I wouldn't want to live next door to people whose kids behaved like that. The willies on the trampoline is probably them just being silly but seen in the context of all the other horrible behaviour I think your reaction is understandable.

Before I built a wall I'd ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out,
And to whom I was like to give offence.
Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That wants it down.' I could say 'Elves' to him,
But it's not elves exactly, and I'd rather
He said it for himself. I see him there
Bringing a stone grasped firmly by the top
In each hand, like an old-stone savage armed.
He moves in darkness as it seems to me~
Not of woods only and the shade of trees.
He will not go behind his father's saying,
And he likes having thought of it so well
He says again, "Good fences make good neighbors."

I was going to recommend the fence. Then I saw:

The fence should be adequate, but if you have a wilful child that purposefully climbs on something so that they can harrass my child, it wouldnt' matter how high I built it. Presumably if it was 12 ft high with sentry posts and barbed wire, they could still go to their bedroom window - sit on the ledge and piss on her head. No doubt you lot would think that was fine too?

Is this serious?

I do think the fact that she made them apologise for the stone throwing behaviour is a positive sign though.

I'm speaking on behalf of ALL mn heartbroken

Is this post for real!

If it is, buy some lleylandi or whatever those fast growing trees are.

Nothing else you can do

Yes, DD was upset by it - she is quite a sensitive child, and she does cry quite easily - so it's hard to know what precisely upset her. It is possible that had they just been calling names at her, she would have cried at a that.

It is true that she isn't used to "boisterous" children. I'm a SAHM, and the only other children in the family are older teenagers who have always treated her very gently. She does have playdates, but I have a really nice NCT circles - and we have all girls, all pretty much exactly the same age - so her average playdate is 1 or 2 other little girls who are quite similar to her.

I'm sorry I'm snapping at people - I suppose all of this is getting to me. I am shocked my views here. I guess i don't htink my DD should have to harden up as opposed to the boys next door being told off for bullying her. However, I will read the whole thread again, and see if I can get what other people are saying more. At the end of the day, I don't want to fall out with my neighbour.

About DD getting a rude awakening when she starts school - we've picked a really small, girls only school with really small classes that seems really lovely - so hopefully this wont' be an issue for her there! She also won't start until next Autumn, so lots more time at home wiht Mummy before then.

Thank you for all the input - I know I don't sound very grateful - but it is good to hear other people's opinions. Right - I better go off and do the supper, but I'll be back later.

OP, I think "people like you" are more suited to living in detached houses with h-u-g-e gardens so that their neighbours' activities don't impinge on them in any way. Get down to the estate agent's first thing tomorrow!